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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539070">Crying I Can Do For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSen/pseuds/NightSen'>NightSen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-it fic, HEA, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Possessive Kylo Ren, Reylo babies, Snoke Being a Dick, Stubborn Rey (Star Wars), Surprising amount of plot for the porn I wanted to write, The Force Ships It, alternative universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:27:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,817</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSen/pseuds/NightSen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bring me the girl.” </p>
<p>“The girl?”</p>
<p>A look.</p>
<p>Oh. </p>
<p>“Y-Yes, sir.” </p>
<p>“Assemble my Knights for a sparring session.”</p>
<p>When the traitor and the pilot landed in Jakku, the scavenger was nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>
  <strong>OR: An apprentice in need of a pleasure girl. A woman in need of a home.</strong>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ijustfellintothissendhelp, The Sacred Texts [ 2020 ]</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The wheel of fate was set in motion by a command.</p><p>It was a day like any other, not <em>too</em> cold for Ilum’s standards and a few standard hours away from sundown. Stormtroopers made their way diligently from one point to another, careful to double back whenever they heard a certain superior’s sneers. A few veterans felt like they were back in 4 ABY instead of thirty years in the future; the man who would fulfill Darth Vader’s destiny was too much like his predecessor, if the fear among the laymen was anything to go by.</p><p>The command was made by a voice garbled through a modulator, impatience lacing the words:</p><p>“Bring me the girl.”</p><p>Starkiller Base was always cold, Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka had found. The walls, the floors, the people, the air —everything lacked warmth such that the officer was always yearning to be able to put on more layers, only to be shut down by his superiors on the grounds that it would be unbecoming of him. If everyone had to deal with being cold, so did he.</p><p>It was bullshit, but Mitaka didn’t have so much of a backbone that he would venture to say these words out loud.</p><p>Instead, when he heard the words that would have usually frozen him in place, he found that he could only blink owlishly and repeat the command.</p><p>“The girl, sir?”</p><p>He couldn’t see into the mask, but he could have sworn he was being glared at. Maybe he imagined the temperature drop a couple of degrees, but he most definitely did not make up the choking sensation currently wrapped around his throat.</p><p>“The girl, Lieutenant Mitaka,” the modulated voice snapped, seemingly trying and failing to find patience. “The… <em>pleasure</em> girl. I was given to understand she was ready.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
  
</p><p>Making a flailing motion with his hand, Mitaka tried to convey that he should be allowed to breathe so he could finally reply. Reluctant, but wanting an answer, the choke relented; the officer used as much time as he was allowed to regain his color, and when he saw fingers start twitching with impatience he rushed the words out.</p><p>“The pleasure girl, yes. The droids have informed me she will be waiting in your chambers as soon as the two suns lower.”</p><p>There was a pregnant pause, a silence wherein Mitaka wondered if he’d once again fear for his life or if he could be excused to weep in silence. This was stretched out for much too long, making him too aware of how eery it was that he could not hear breathing come from the masked figure.</p><p>Finally, a decision was made.</p><p>“Assemble my Knights for a sparing session.”</p><p>And then Kylo Ren stomped off in the direction of his training room, off to try and work out some of his considerable anger.</p>
<hr/><p>Four standard days back a girl had been brought aboard the First Order base; some scrawny thing that had sure packed a punch for someone who’d willingly signed up for her job, but hadn’t stood for it when a stormtrooper let his hand slip just a little too low. She’d been underfed, poorly groomed, stubborn and somehow, exactly what Supreme Leader Snoke had sought for his apprentice: a young virgin, hard to breed and humanoid.</p><p>There was no place for other species in the First Order, after all.</p><p>Perhaps the Supreme Leader ought to have said something about the personality, pondered Lieutenant Mitaka, remembering all the feeds he’d been shown of the girl’s callous manners and ravenous appetite. Someone demure, easy to please and who wouldn’t talk back would have been better. But no matter; he was already looking into her replacement for when Kylo Ren inevitably snapped her neck in half.</p><p>The girl had been prepared for Kylo Ren after various months of property damage and a series of hurt stormtroopers who’d been unable to deal with his wrath. Supreme Leader Snoke had not cared much for General Armitage Hux’s pleas to deal with his apprentice, but had instead proposed an arrangement that would assuage Ren’s ire in a more… acceptable way. The dark side did not look down on passion —encouraged it, in fact— but the volatile man had not taken any wench to bed in years; he needed the outlet, and if it helped snuff the persistent light in the man, Snoke would approve it.</p><p>Because none of the women at base would willingly bed Kylo Ren (Hux had attempted to insinuate this to Captain Phasma and had promptly sported a bruise on his jaw thereafter) due to a matter of issues, including but not limited to his perpetual anger and unattractive visage, General Hux had delegated the matter to Lieutenant Mitaka. The only solution the nervous man had found was to search for a girl in the first planet he could think of.</p><p>The answer had lied in Jakku, a desert junkyard with little intelligent life.</p><p>It was convenient, for they were already there; the traitor FN-2187 and the pilot had landed there along with the map to Skywalker.</p><p>They would have captured them, too, had it not been for them stealing a piece of junk and jumping into hyper speed first chance they got.</p><p>While Kylo Ren and General Hux had screamed at each other about whose fault it was Lieutenant Mitaka had quietly made his way to find the local junk boss, some Crolute named Unkar Plutt whose breath was entirely unpleasant. Quietly, flashing the First Order insignia, Mitaka had asked if he knew where the nearest sex trafficker was because he had a special request, his tone far too polite for the matters he was inquiring about.</p><p>Giving him a calculating look, Unkar Plutt had grunted.</p><p>“What do you need, boy?”</p><p>Quickly rattling off his brief list, the Crolute was quick to nod with a warped smile on his deformed face.</p><p>“You’re in luck,” he said, scrunching his nose in what might have been a smile. “I have a girl who just yesterday retired the scavenger life. Was looking to join the nearest brothel, and virgin as they come. I could hand her over for a fair price.”</p><p>Narrowing his eyes, Lieutenant Mitaka pursed his lips.</p><p>“How much?”</p><p>Plutt deliberated only a moment.</p><p>“A thousand credits.”</p><p>The Lieutenant sputtered.</p><p>“A <em>thousand</em>? You must be out of your mind, no whore is worth that much.”</p><p>Unkar Plutt sneered.</p><p>“Nine hundred, and that is my last offer. The girl has all her teeth, is untouched, humanoid and I am told not horrible to look at. You will be hard pressed to find someone willing with these attributes in the next two <em>systems</em> who will be sold for so low.”</p><p>And time <em>was</em> of the essence, Mitaka knew, what with the latest failure in acquiring the droid. If he did not procure a girl as soon as today he would very well meet his maker, and this was not something he was looking forward to.</p><p>Inwardly groaning and hoping he hadn’t made a mistake, Lieutenant Mitaka snapped his agreement and transferred half the credits over, the other half to be handed over once he had the whore aboard.</p><p>Snapping at one of his henchmen to bring the girl, Unkar waited patiently for the scavenger to be placed in front of him, confused and shaking. She was showered in dirt, her staff clutched tightly in defiance.</p><p>“What?” The girl bit out, frowning at the stormtroopers side by side just in front of the concession stand.</p><p>“You’ve been sold to the First Order, girl. A little further away than we’d agreed on, but oh well,” Unkar Plutt said, the definite winner in this bargain. She’d sold herself, and he’d only had to give ten portions and a promise.</p><p>“<em>The F</em>—” The girl started, horrified, only to be shut up with a look from the junk boss.</p><p>“I will keep my end of the bargain, foolish girl. The information you wanted.” He handed her over a piece of parchment and nodded at the troopers to take her away.</p><p>Dazed, the girl felt hands on each arm drag her up an intimidating ship, absentmindedly shoving her foot into the crotch of whoever tried touching her ass. Her staff wasn’t in her possession any longer, but at least as she walked she could see the Basic scribbled on the paper.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your parents were nobodies, buried somewhere in the desert.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You might be more.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Despair clutched Rey, and somewhere in his ship, Kylo Ren wondered why his chest hurt.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok so the only thing I want to explain is that I believe Unkar Plutt definitely knew more about Rey's parents than is alluded to in the movies. The guy is the boss junk of Jakku and he didn't know the couple was dead? Unlikely. </p><p>So, that's it. I hope you liked it and you stick around for the next chapter!</p><p>Warning: The author does not believe in drafts and pretty much wings the plot, so y'all are in for the ride.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Black Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author tries not to waste your time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first day consisted of a full medical checkup. The droids poked and prodded at a numb Rey, who cared little when she was taken to windowless room and stripped naked, checked from head to toe for the absolute state of health (they couldn’t have her giving their boss any diseases).</p><p>It took a while between her lack of cooperation and the evident lack of care the girl had received throughout her life. Her mouth looked clean but needed work, she had no vaccines, she needed a contraceptive implant placed, the scrapes were countless and she needed countless of bloodwork done before they let her touch the future Supreme Leader. They gave her a quick wash and locked her in her room, apparently done with her for the day.</p><p>Before the second sun was up in the sky Rey had been taken to the baths, where she was given the most thorough bath in her life. The droids left no stone unturned —between her toes, behind her ears, betwixt her legs, that one spot on her back she could never reach. She’d heard of ladies who shaved their body hair, but the droids made sure to vaporize it into nonexistence. She could only convince them of leaving a bit covering her privates, unwilling to look like a nine-year-old down there when it had taken her so many years to grow hair there as women were supposed to.</p><p>Still, the torture went on. They cut her nails, trimmed her hair, plucked her eyebrows, worked to soften her hard-as-rocks feet and calluses. Anything and everything in their repertoire was done. Normally, Rey would have delighted in the opportunity to practice her binary with the droids, but she was simply out of it; a part of her was unable to believe the information she’d read, but the better part of her… Well, she’d known, hadn’t she? That all her waiting was for naught, because nobody ever came back to Jakku. Like a fool she’d counted the days for their return, the confidence that they were coming back fading with each passing standard day.</p><p>She hated Unkar Plutt.</p><p>She hated him because he’d sat on this information for R’iia knew how many years (possibly since she’d arrived) and had only used it as a bargaining chip till the very end. In her darkest hour she’d turned to him, hoping for a dash of hope —and in its stead, she was aboard a foreign ship, heartbroken and scared of what was to come.</p><p>And she <em>was</em> terrified.</p><p>She wasn’t able to sleep for two nights, wondering when she’d be fetched to start her duty as a pleasure girl; worrying herself into a tizzy imagining who she’d be serving. She knew of the First Order’s xenophobia, so at the very least her partner would be humanoid; if she’d serve a man or a woman, the Supreme Leader or the delivery boy was something she was yet to know.</p><p>She hoped, foolishly she knew, that whomever it was took pity on her and took her, at least the first time, gently.</p><p>The third day she was given a long list of not to-dos. They mostly consisted of manners and checking her attitude, both things she knew she’d have trouble with. When the droids were sufficiently satisfied that she knew not to put her feet on the table and how to address her superiors, they went onto the next phase: How to pleasure a man.</p><p>Face flaming red, Rey was forced to watch video after instructive video on how to best receive a man, how to augment his pleasure, how to make sure he was happy. Curiously, not one of them spoke of <em>hers</em>, but then again, she supposed she was not here for that. At least she now knew she was supposed to serve a man, but this was as far as she knew.</p><p>That night she fell into a dreamless sleep, feeling much more comfortable on the springy mattress that had evidently seen better days than on the floor of her AT-AT. She felt like already she could live comfortably for the rest of her life with only the things that surrounded her: the bed, a closet and fresher. It was perhaps two of her arm-spans, and it was much more space than she’d ever thought she’d get.</p><p>When the fourth morning came, she knew it was the fated day where she’d meet her master. Nobody had come to wake her up, and instead she found that as soon as the suns were in the middle of the sky she was sent the droids to do her hair and makeup (only something for her lips, since she threatened to wipe off the rest), then given a red dress much too tight for breathing. Hair resting on her shoulders in soft waves and death traps on her feet, Rey was escorted to the chambers that appeared to be a whole planet away.</p><p>Nobody told her anything.</p><p>She did not know what she was waiting for, when her master would arrive, if she should sit or lie down in preparation.</p><p>The room was almost barren, a startling thing given that evidently she was not to serve the delivery boy but someone in high command. Doing her best not to think of the fact that she’d most likely be bedded by a horrible human being, she let her gaze take in her surroundings.</p><p>There was a wide bed in the middle of the room, its sheets black as night.</p><p>Unsurprising, given the black walls, shiny black floor, black chair and table and black bookshelf. The only color in the room came from the books, a surprising discovery given that Rey had no doubt this man must have owned a holo pad. She recognized a variety of titles in Huttese, Hapan, Galactic Basic and even Twi’leki; there were countless more, but she could not decipher them all.</p><p>Curious, she grabbed a title in Basic, <em>The Inner Machinations of the Droid</em>, because it sounded exactly the kind of thing she’d like to know more about. She hitched her dress up to her knees, took off the death traps called heels, sat down on a chair and crossed her ankles on top of the table. Comfortable, she only barely stopped herself from throwing her hair into three buns, settling for tucking it behind her ears. Then she set to reading.</p><p>Three hours later, Rey was done with what had to be the best book of her existence. She loved it, absolutely needed more, so she swapped the book with another in Mando’a that appeared to be about assembling ships from scratch. She sat down on the edge of the bed, legs crossed and set to devouring the words.</p><p>This is how her master found her as soon as the two suns set; face buried in a book, legs crossed so he could easily see her underwear, mumbling to herself.</p><p>Outraged over the disrespect, Kylo Ren boomed.</p><p>“Whoever gave you permission to touch <em>my things</em>?”</p><p>Startled, Rey dropped the book at once, losing the page she’d been on.</p><p>No matter; she recognized the person standing in front of her, long cowl billowing with the chill and unforgiving mask. He stood tall and imposing, breath even, gloved hands clenched at his sides as if restraining himself. The air was suddenly sucked into a vacuum as though it understood the gravity of her sin and was punishing her for it. This was Kylo Ren, the monster she’d heard whispers about.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry,” she managed, swallowing down hard. When he didn’t say anything she took it as a sign that she was expected to elaborate. “I was bored, and I saw the books. Should I not have?”</p><p>The question was innocent, but she could feel the spark of indignation flare in the pit of her stomach. If he could tell, he did not show it.</p><p>“You are not here to be entertained, girl,” Kylo Ren said, slipping off his cowl. “You are only here to please me.”</p><p>Rey held her tongue, for once having nothing to say. He was right, however much it pained her.</p><p>As if he could sense her submission, Kylo Ren nodded once.</p><p>“Stand up, girl.”</p><p>“It’s Rey,” she said, the last bit of defiance she’d allow herself for today. Here, she was powerless. She’d have to listen.</p><p>“Stand up, <em>Rey</em>,” Kylo Ren said, and even though it sounded almost mocking, she obeyed. She swept a hand through her hair once, stood barefoot in front of the figure in black and straightened her dress.</p><p>She wore it like a second skin, that much was evident. There was not much in the department of breasts, but she made up for it with her lithe frame and pleasant curves. She had long legs, and even though she was above average height for a human woman, Kylo Ren was still twice her size and a head taller.</p><p>“Acceptable,” Kylo Ren finally said, after a handful of minutes of sizing her up. Rey wanted to retort, <em>Well take off your mask so I can judge you too you poop face</em>, but she held back. He cleared his throat, an odd sound through the modulator. “I must use the fresher quickly. When I come back out I want you lying face down on the bed, eyes closed. You are not to open your eyes at all, do you understand? If you do, you are gone.”</p><p>When he put it that way, she could probably be persuaded to listen. She did not know, after all, what it entailed to be kicked out.</p><p>Without awaiting her response, Kylo Ren swept past her and into the fresher, the doors opening and closing behind him at once.</p><p>With a calmness she did not possess, Rey bent down to pick up the dropped book and flipped through it to see whether she could find the lost page as she made her way towards the bookshelf; she found it easily enough (page 124), set it in the place where it belonged and hurried back to bed to position herself into the solicited manner.</p><p>She felt like an idiot.</p><p>What was the point of this? To humiliate her further? To avoid looking at her face for having been barely acceptable?</p><p>Where time had crawled by before, it now felt as if she was hearing the doors slide open as soon as she’d lied down on the bed, though she knew this could not have been the truth. Still, she kept her hands still and her eyes closed, breathing as evenly as she could when she felt her heart beat horrendously against her ribcage.</p><p>She heard Kylo Ren move slowly, feet taking him to the feet of the bed. It dipped beneath his weight, but then there was nothing else.</p><p>“Here are the rules,” Rey heard a deep voice say, and <em>this</em> one… It made her heart pound faster. It was human, and sweet, so deep it could have carried her to sleep. She wondered why he used a voice modulator when he had such a wonderful tone. “I will not kiss you, and I will not raise my hand in violence. That is all I can give. You will call me Master, never look at me, accept me into your body if, when and however I so desire, and you will not sleep in this room. That is all I ask of you, Rey. Any questions?”</p><p>She swallowed hard, feeling like she had sand in her mouth.</p><p>“May I peruse your books while I wait for you?”</p><p>She heard him pause, then let out a very deep sigh.</p><p>“Can I stop you?”</p><p>She would have laughed had the situation allowed for it. As it was, she was only vaguely confident she’d amused the scariest monster she knew, and that this was the only reason she was still breathing for her impertinence.</p><p>“No, Master,” Rey said, trying to lighten the blow.</p><p>Had she been able to, she’d have seen a lip twitch in amusement.</p><p>“Very well. The upper shelf is off limits however, and that is <em>not</em> a request.” The force behind this statement made her note to herself that indeed, this was a hard no for him, and that there would be no forgiveness to be found should she disobey.</p><p>“Thank you, Master.”</p><p>A moment of quiet, and then she felt the biggest humanoid hands she’d ever encountered clasp around her ankles, parting her legs.</p><p>“Very well. Then let us begin.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Initiation of the Pleasure Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author gives what ye thought was to come.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo Ren was… intrigued.</p><p>He hadn’t expected the scavenger from Jakku to be so, well, mouthy. He knew she was untouched, and had expected her to cower in front of him. It was evident she had recognized him, as was obvious from the fear that filled her eyes the moment reality became evident. It had surprised him, however, that she hadn’t cowed back. No stumble, no crying, no shaking.</p><p>She’d just set her shoulders and done her best to meet his eyes, a valiant effort without knowing where these exactly were.</p><p>The scavenger was beautiful, Kylo had acknowledged in the shower. Clear signs of malnutrition bothered some side of him he didn’t quite understand, making him wonder if he should make sure she was well fed during her stay in Starkiller.</p><p>Now, he pondered over what he’d do with her, legs spread in the position he’d chosen, perky ass tempting him far more than was reasonable. He’d worked out most of his anger with the knights, so he felt comfortable taking it a little slower with her, his aim in the earlier training. If he was tired there was less of a chance of hurting his new toy.</p><p>Ambling forward, he started by kissing her left ankle, his right hand caressing the back of her right leg, massaging as he moved up. She had wonderful legs and he wanted to appreciate them. As he did, he kept inching her dress higher and higher, delighting in hearing her breathing waver. When he got to her apex, he spread her legs further apart and breathed her in, digging his nose into her underwear.</p><p>She smelled sweet.</p><p>Noticing how her legs trembled, Kylo spent a few minutes just breathing, making sure his exhales could be felt.</p><p>“Please,” he heard softly, and the whimper shot straight to his cock.</p><p>“Please what?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” she admitted, making something tighten in his chest. She was a virgin; she needed a teacher.</p><p>“Please <em>master</em>,” he said, blowing softly into her underwear. He licked right where her thigh joined her outer lips, making her shiver.</p><p>“Please touch me, master,” Rey whimpered again, and satisfied he’d gotten what he wanted, Kylo ripped her underwear off, then dug his nose right in her cunt. He grabbed her ass cheeks and held them apart, then dug his tongue inside.</p><p>She cried out, and it was exactly what he’d wanted.</p><p>Rutting against the bed, Kylo worked harder and faster to make her come, desperate to be buried inside.</p><p>“<em>Uh</em>,” he heard soon enough, and felt her clench around him in little convulsions.</p><p>So she was the quiet type.</p><p>No matter; he’d teach her to shout, too.</p><p>When she was about to finish her high, Kylo stuck in a finger, leaning his lips against her right ass cheek. Pumping it in slowly, he waited until she relaxed before putting in another one, pumping them in and out at a slow pace. He bit into her ass, not too hard but enough to surprise her —she relaxed her cunt, and he grabbed the opportunity to shove in a third finger.</p><p>“Ah!” Rey gasped, and he could tell this wasn’t pleasure but pain.</p><p>He stopped pumping, giving her a moment to get used to the stretch; his cock was much bigger, and she needed the appropriate preparation. He took her mind off of it by licking the globe of her ass, nibbling and sucking his trail of kisses.</p><p>“Good?”</p><p>She clenched around him as a go-ahead, and he started with pumping his three fingers in and out of her tight channel. Already, he knew he was going to blow his load in record time, having never encountered such a tight and hot cunt.</p><p>He kept up his thrusts, using his other hand to press into the arch of her foot. He could tell she’d liked that because she came instantly, much to his pleasure.</p><p>Sitting up, he licked his fingers off, thinking that next time he’d give her a taste. Not today, though. Today he’d be as vanilla as he could.</p><p>Eyes trained on the wet mess in front of him, he worked to get off his robe, casting it aside; then he bent over to strip her of her dress, careful not to rip it. He was going to make her wear it some other time.</p><p>“I’m going to fuck you now,” Kylo said simply, parting her legs and lowering himself between them.</p><p>“Wait,” Rey said hurriedly, breathing hard. Her eyes were clenched very tightly, to the point where she must’ve been seeing stars behind her eyelids. Huffing, he did. “Is this… going to hurt?”</p><p>He thought of lying to her.</p><p>Telling her it <em>always</em> hurt, wanting to soothe his sadistic side.</p><p>Telling her it <em>never</em> hurt, wanting to comfort someone for once.</p><p>In the end, the desire for truth —always honesty, no more lies— won out.</p><p>“At first.”</p><p>“Can you… Can you be gentle? Just this time. Please, master,” she whispered, seeming to add the last part as an afterthought.</p><p>He didn’t tell her that had been the plan. That he knew when to be a monster and when to curb his urges.</p><p>“Very well, but just this time.”</p><p>Slowly, he placed his arms on either side of the girl, finding that his chin would be just above her head. He balanced himself so he could take his cock in his right hand and, with too much patience, angled into the right hole.</p><p>It was glory.</p><p>It felt tighter than he’d imagined, his cock being a little bigger than his three fingers. It was hot, warm and probably what he needed to think of whenever he wanted to murder Hux.</p><p>It was awful.</p><p>Having to wait, having to crawl inch by inch inside, knowing his instinct was to pound into her cunt until it bruised. Still, he’d promised, and he wasn’t a liar. By the time he was sheathed inside her, having bumped into what he knew was her cervix, he still had two fingers left outside. She was that small, that tight, and he was that much bigger than her.</p><p>He wanted to fuck her through the mattress, pound into her asshole, make her gag on his dick until her mouth overflew with cum. He wanted to drill into her until he’d felt every corner, wanted to see if he could go past her cervix and load her womb with his seed. Wanted to fuck her so hard his cock hurt, so hard he went cross eyed.</p><p>Still, he went slow.</p><p>He took his time because he could tell this hurt her, and he was a monster but not that kind. He liked knowing he had powers over others, liked knowing he wasn’t defied, liked using and discarding as he saw fit. But a part of him (“Ben was always such a sensitive boy”) knew what kind of pain was good and which wasn’t.</p><p>Choking Hux and Mitaka was the exception.</p><p>So, he waited. He accepted the waiting time and thought about drills he could do tomorrow with his knights, all the ways he could re-organize his bookshelf for the nth time. He was not a patient man, but just this once he’d allow himself to be.</p><p>Neither knew how much time went by, but eventually, he felt her muscles relax ever so slightly, and he grabbed hold of that moment.</p><p>“Good?” He asked, not knowing what he’d do if denied.</p><p>Thankfully, she whispered he could go ahead.</p><p>Immediately, he pulled back, and when she didn’t cry in pain he pushed back in. He went slowly, making sure she got used to the sensation. Eventually, little by little, he started feeling her respond to his ministrations, even letting a moan out. Triumphant, he picked up his pace.</p><p>She was exactly what he wanted. Tight, <em>his</em>, wet. He grabbed her ass and pulled it so he could see his cock sliding in and out.</p><p>Filthy, debauched things passed through his mind, but he figured he didn’t want to traumatize the girl. So he clenched his jaw and picked up his pace, changing the angle every once in a while to see if he could—</p><p>There.</p><p>That was it, the rough patch he wanted to find. He could tell Rey knew he’d changed directions because her walls started fluttering around him as he aimed his thrusts at it, unrelenting as he fucked her through her orgasm. He wouldn’t stop. Couldn’t, not until he found his release.</p><p>“Please, master,” he heard, and that was all it took.</p><p>He came with a shout, unloading his seed in sharp thrusts, burying himself as far as he could and finally stilling.</p><p>Breathing hard, he maneuvered himself so he was sitting with Rey’s lower half still connected to him, wanting to be inside as long as he could.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to pull out?” Rey murmured, clenching her walls and making him spurt out the last of his seed.</p><p>“Don’t want to. You’ll leak.”</p><p>“Leak?”</p><p>“My cum. It stays inside, <em>always</em>,” Kylo warned, and it was enough for her to nod sharply. “Was that… gentle enough?”</p><p>Confused, Rey took a moment to hum her agreement.</p><p>“It was. Thank you.”</p><p>
  <em>Thank you?</em>
</p><p>Kylo resisted the urge to laugh. When was the last time anyone had thanked him? Sarcastically countless times, but like this? Genuinely, softly. Was this a trick to make him lower his guard?</p><p>Spiraling, Kylo broached his mind with hers, catching whispers of thoughts: <em>hurts… big… units… lonely… where…</em></p><p>Abruptly, he felt like he was being pushed out, and he allowed it.</p><p>“What <em>was</em> that?” Rey whimpered, bringing up her hands to clasp her head. She had noticed his intrusion and revolted, it seemed. Curious, and something Kylo would have to explore later.</p><p>“I am strong with the Force,” Kylo said simply, leaning forward to avoid slipping out of her. He wanted the connection to last just a little longer.</p><p>“What does that <em>mean</em>? What even is that?”</p><p>Usually, he would not have accepted such a petulant tone and would have punished her. As it was, he’d felt her fear, and was in a sufficiently good mood to let it slide.</p><p>“The Force is all around us. We harness its powers to make the world do our bidding. The strong thrive and the weak will be defeated.”</p><p>It was how he understood it, but he could tell this answer did not satisfy her.</p><p>“And you used that power to dig into my mind?”</p><p>There was no point in lying.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The pause was long, and he thought she’d fallen asleep when she finally spoke.</p><p>“Please don’t do that. It felt… wrong.”</p><p>Like a spider crawling through her mind and digging too hard at the walls, like a shadow that was much too sharp.</p><p>“I can do as I wish, pleasure girl. Do not mistake today’s leniency with weakness.”</p><p>Kylo finally slipped out of her, good mood ruined. He grabbed her dress and threw it next to her.</p><p>“I will go freshen up. When I come out, I want you gone.”</p><p>And as he’d wished, so he had received.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much for the lovely comments! I'm glad that y'all are liking it, and hopefully you stick around to see where fate (well, I) takes these two. </p><p>Reminder: This fic updates every Monday. Any earlier than that and I'll run out of fic to post and leave y'all hanging for weeks. </p><p>Leah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. An Awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author is on fire with writing so here's an extra chapter this week.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey did not understand Kylo Ren.</p><p>No sir, she was absolutely dumbfounded by the creature in a mask, a man filled with contradictions, severity and kindness.</p><p>Being around him had been suffocating, from the moment she saw him to the moment she left his chambers, dress put on to the best of her abilities, death traps in hand and wobbling to her chamber, his seed running down her inner thigh and lower region throbbing.</p><p>Lying down on her bed, Rey curled up into a tight ball against the wall and thought. Any other person would have cried, tried to make sense of her situation, but not her. She knew walls had eyes, and she would be damned before she let Kylo Ren know she’d cried over their coupling.</p><p>It had been… Not bad.</p><p>Not good, she thought, because she’d always thought her first time would be with someone she at least <em>liked</em>. She was not so sentimental over sexual activities to place more emotional value to it than that; Jakku had taught her that whatever could be sold had to be, bodies and warmth included. The only reason she’d avoided doing so for this long was that she’d heard the stories of disease and children that came with couplings, and certain she could not afford either had avoided the act altogether. She’d already prepared herself to renounce her body as hers from the moment she struck a deal with Unkar Plutt, anyway.</p><p>Not great, because she’d had to close her eyes and trust her body to someone who perhaps did not deserve it. Not amazing, because though she’d achieved climax, she’d been left feeling empty when he ordered her out and abandoned her.</p><p>But it hadn’t been terrible because, and this baffled her, he <em>had</em> given her pleasure. He didn’t have to, but he did. He could have taken her like the monster he was, but she suspected he took her like a man. Maybe not kindly, but as softly as he was able to. As if he knew that he wouldn’t be forgiven if he took her like he probably wanted to.</p><p>And the soft touches, she hadn’t seen anything about that in the holo vids. Couldn’t fathom what pleasure he got out of touching her. If their aim had been to lull her into a safe sense of security, or if they had been part of achieving his own pleasure.</p><p>The door opened, and pasting herself even further into the wall, Rey watched as a service droid came in with a tray. It was always a different unit attending her, so she had stopped trying to engage them. Their protocols didn’t permit any small talk, anyway.</p><p>Once the droid left, Rey dug into her meal as if it was her last. It always could be, she reasoned, and she could tell that these did not come from the same place portions did. That alone made it delicious.</p><p>Plate empty in less than two minutes, she set aside her meal with a satisfied burp.</p><p>Looking down, she realized she was still wearing her dress. There was nothing else to put on, however, making her wonder if she was meant to fall asleep in the dress. Probably not, and in any case, she wouldn’t. She could hardly breathe, she reasoned with herself as she slipped it off and tossed it on the edge of her bed, stark naked. She had no problem with nudity, and she preferred it to her alternative.</p><p>Glancing at the tray, she quickly swiped the metal spoon before she could second-guess herself, then tucked it beneath the mattress along with a few other utensils she’d picked up the last few days.</p><p>One could never be too careful.</p><hr/><p>It was a cold room.</p><p>Dark, freezing, grand and filled with desks. A creature twenty-five feet tall stood in front of a throne, stony gray; it was old, wounded with countless scars, ugly and powerful.</p><p>Rey could hear an echo of words, a deep tone that made a shiver run down her spine with fear. There was nothing pleasant about it, unlike Kylo’s voice.</p><p>“… Leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise.”</p><p>A red-haired man straightened his shoulders, his white face even paler.</p><p>“Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility for th—”</p><p>“General Hux! Our strategy must now change.”</p><p>“The weapon. It is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance, the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.”</p><p>Rey didn’t comprehend what was happening; a weapon? The Republic? And had she heard the name Skywalker before?</p><p>“Go. Oversee preparations.”</p><p>“Yes, Supreme Leader.”</p><p>The creature sat, turning to face Rey.</p><p>“There’s been an awakening. Have you felt it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p><em>This</em> voice she recognized. The modulator, the intonation, there was no doubt in her mind this was Kylo Ren.</p><p>“There’s more. The droid we seek is aboard the Millennium Falcon. In the hands of your father, Han Solo.”</p><p><em>The smuggler?</em> Rey wondered. What did he have to do with anything?</p><p>“He means nothing to me.”</p><p>“Even you, master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test.”</p><p>“By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced towards the light.”</p><p>She heard leather tightening, as if Kylo was clenching his fist.</p><p>“We shall see. We shall see.”</p><p>The dream ended, and Rey went back to dreaming of a vast ocean with two suns drifting over it.</p><hr/><p>When morning came, Rey awoke with a start to banging on her door, heart pounding against her ribcage furiously.</p><p>She barely had time to tug the sheets up over her naked body before Kylo Ren was filling her doorway, imposing and masked and terrifying. This, somehow, did not seem like a social visit.</p><p>“You were there last night,” the modulated voice declared, torn between anger and disbelief.</p><p>“What…”</p><p>“Do not lie to me, scavenger. I felt you in the assembly room.”</p><p>Rey frowned, unable to understand what was happening.</p><p>“Master, I’ve not left my room since I left yours.”</p><p>“I meant within the <em>Force</em>, you daft girl.”</p><p>Despite the insult, Rey could not find it in herself to fight him. She was still unable to comprehend the situation.</p><p>“I do not understand what you mean, Master. I haven’t seen you since your chamber,” Rey said, trying to be as placating as possible.</p><p>The Force rang with truth, because to Rey there was no lie.</p><p>Still, the dark-sider wasn’t appeased. He glanced down at the service droid that had manifested at his side.</p><p>“Bring the girl to my chambers. She is not to leave without my permission. And get her clothes,” Kylo snapped, and turned back to look at the girl curled up in a ball. “I do not believe you, but you spoke the truth somehow. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Should I feel you in my head again, I <em>will</em> search yours.”</p><p>With those parting words, Kylo and his cowl stomped their way out, leaving a wide-eyed Rey behind.</p><p>“Kriff, what’s got this bantha poop all riled up?”</p><hr/><p>Aboard the Millennium Falcon, Han and Poe Dameron were trying to pilot the craft into a safe space amid alarms and chaos. FN-2187, now dubbed Finn, was trying to bandage Chewbacca’s shoulder, nervously making sure that the Wookiee’s teeth were far from his hand.</p><p>Suddenly, sparks went off.</p><p>“Electrical overload!” Han called out, wondering for the umpteenth time why no one told him his day would go this way.</p><p>“I can fix that!” Poe exclaimed, hurrying over.</p><p>“The coolant’s leaking!”</p><p>Poe thought, perhaps, that instead of pointing out what was going wrong the old man could try fixing it.</p><p>“Try transferring auxiliary power to the secondary tank—”</p><p>“Secondary tank, I got it!” Han fretted, wondering what the hell had happened to his ship in the last few years.</p><p>Back in the lounge, Chewbacca howled in pain over Finn’s ministrations, scaring the BB unit away.</p><p>“Chewie, come on! <em>I need help with this giant hairy thing!</em> Stop moving Chewie!” Finn snapped at the war hero, hoping this wasn’t where he met his end.</p><p>“You hurt Chewie, you’re gonna deal with me!” Han called back, making Finn’s mouth drop in shock.</p><p>“<em>Hurt him? </em>He’s almost killed me six times!” Upset about being talked about as if he wasn’t there, Chewie grabbed Finn by the collar and roared. “Which is fine.”</p><p>Back in the cockpit, Han frowned as he fiddled with the control panel.</p><p>“This hyperdrive blows there’s gonna be pieces of us in three different systems.”</p><p>Wide eyed, Poe looked at the coordinates they were reaching, and abruptly made the decision to pull them out of hyperspeed. He needed this ship to survive the next jump, and for that they needed someone who could help give a few finishing touches to the spaceship.</p><p>“What’d you do that for?” Han snapped at the younger pilot, who sighed and sat back in defeat, feeling a headache coming.</p><p>“Saving the mission, sir. We’re no good to General Organa in pieces. We’re a short jump away from Savareen; I’ve got friends there, we’ll be able to find the tools to fix the Falcon and make our way to the Resistance.”</p><p>Han Solo flinched.</p><p>“I’ve got a friend in Takodana, Maz K—”</p><p>Poe scoffed, already gearing the Falcon up for the change in course.</p><p>“No offense, but no way. I’ve been there. I bet someone would turn us over to the First Order before we bought our first drink. No, we’ll be safe in Savareen.”</p><p>Sulking, Han set flight to the new destination.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! I realized the story was getting away from me and that I could afford an extra chapter this week. </p><p>Also, on an unrelated note, I got bangs. Sixteen years ago I got my grandma to do it for me, and my mother picked me up --horrified because I've got super curly hair and my grandmother was most definitely not a hairstylist. Still, I like the ones I got. </p><p>Leah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Starved for Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author is easily amused.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing Rey did after being locked inside Kylo Ren’s chamber was search <em>everything</em>.</p><p>Beneath the bed, within the closet, the bookshelves (but not the top shelf), the pristine desk tucked in a corner. For what, she did not know. But this was what she’d become, a scavenger, and as such it was nearly an impulse to see if she was able to find something of substance.</p><p>On the desk she found a calligraphy set, something she only knew because she’d once found the ink amid her spoils and had gotten one of the old merchants to explain it to her. It was an art from the past, but with some effort she was able to understand the elegant Basic on one of the stacked papers.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They thought I was disturbed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That I could not control the Force, even though my gift was self-evident.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was abandoned, sent away when the annoyance grew.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey traced the words over and over again with her eyes, wondering who’d written them, nearly certain it had been Kylo Ren. She’d never heard anyone else talk of the Force as anything more than a myth, up there with the Jedi and the Sith.</p><p>She wondered if the masked man was lonely, because if so, she could at least try and understand him. She’d fought her worst self to avoid betraying her morals, but she’d held onto hope until the last moment.</p><p>Perhaps that was all that set them apart; hope.</p><p>Or maybe it was that she’d never known love, and so hadn’t risked hatred. More often than not she’d come across a drunken fool crying in junkyard over a love that had ended; she’d grabbed their whiskey and shielded them from the winds, thinking she wasn’t sure if she could bear such loss. So she’d guarded her body and heart up until the very end.</p><p>Stepping away from the desk, Rey made her way to a seemingly empty wall, thinking that the shine of it seemed a little different from the other walls. Barefoot, using only a tunic provided by one of the droids, she left a few inches between herself and the wall in question, eyes trained on it and blinking as little as she could.</p><p>This was no ordinary wall.</p><p>A sixth sense telling her she shouldn’t touch it, Rey left it as it was, knowing that her search would eventually lead her back there. There were secrets to be found, and she would never leave a stone unturned.</p><p>She moved on, checking under the bed, in the fresher, amongst the endless cowls in the closet; trying to find anything that made sense. Something to give his evil meaning.</p><p>Instead, she found a book.</p><p>It was within the allowed shelves, and the title was inconspicuous enough.</p><p>The first lines in Twi’leki, however, weren’t.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We were alone and starved for love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The loneliness was the galaxy’s worst kind of pain, and no one could win against it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey put the book away, heart pounding.</p><p>She remembered.</p><p>The dark room, General Hugs, the tall creature and Kylo Ren.</p><p>The weapon.</p><p>The Republic —Hosnian Prime was in danger.</p><p>She knew there was something else she was missing, another key element she wasn’t remembering, but she could not bring it to mind.</p><p>
  <em>Think, Rey.</em>
</p><p>She knew she was a smart woman. You had to be, to learn over a dozen languages and teach yourself to read half of those. She had good instincts, and she could be patient. She was—</p><p>She was the pleasure girl.</p><p>Was this even something she could prevent? She wasn’t part of the Resistance, had never thought to join such a dangerous group when survival had always been her top priority. She spent her days looking for machine parts she could trade for food.</p><p>She was a nobody.</p><p>The thought gave her pause, made her collapse on the bed in hurt at her own thoughts. It seemed awfully mean of her to say that to herself, but it seemed like she was on the self-pity train. She allowed herself a couple of minutes of such self-deprecating thoughts, only to be interrupted by the doors to the chamber sliding open, a labor droid entering with new (possibly tighter clothes) and a stylist droid in tow.</p><p>Suddenly, Rey had an idea.</p><hr/><p>After being stuck in the fresher, primped and primed for her next rendezvous with Kylo Ren for what seemed like five hours, Rey let the protocol droid leave, stopping the labor droid before it could leave.</p><p>“Could you bring me a fresh set of pants, please?”</p><p>The droid took a moment to analyze its program, looking for any signs that this request was not allowed. Finding none, it beeped in agreement and left the chamber, rolling away.</p><p>Rey took the few minutes to herself to assess her latest dress; this one cut off just below her bottom, strapless and seemingly painted on. Red again, with her hair tucked up.</p><p>The droid came in again, and doing her best to be nonchalant, Rey stepped behind the droid… then jammed her fork into the power circuit.</p><p>In order to get the best price for her recovered scraps, Rey’d had to learn programming of many kinds of units, including the ASP-7 fifth-degree labor droid she was currently looking at. This was one of the easiest models to reprogram, and despite not having her tools she could make due with her hidden spoon and fork.</p><p>After the morning’s outburst, Rey knew she could expect Kylo Ren to return once he’d released some of the tension and, judging from the stubborn set to his shoulders, she suspected that it would take a while.</p><p>It was fun, reprogramming, and it gave her <em>something</em> to do. The droid had definitely seen better days, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Uncaring about her clothes, but mindful of the nature of her task, she threw on the blanket they’d dragged her into the room with in order to protect the dress.</p><p>It took her an hour to finish, and at least two near-fatal botches, but Rey from Jakku managed to reprogram an ASP-7 into a second degree engineering droid.</p><p>The thing was, she didn’t need it to <em>engineer</em>. If anything, she only needed it to destroy.</p><p>But labor droids were often unreliable if it wasn’t about a menial task, and there was <em>one</em> thing she needed this little guy to tell her.</p><p>Well, show her.</p><p>“I hope this works,” Rey whispered to herself and booted up the droid, glad when she saw the photoreceptors light up. At least she hadn’t worked in vain.</p><p>Sighing again, Rey set to work.</p><hr/><p>When Kylo finally arrived, he found the scavenger curled up in the corner of his bed, one of his books in Galactic Basic tucked beneath her cheek. It was about the rise and fall of the Empire, one of the pieces of literature he liked referring to when he thought of ways to make the First Order thrive.</p><p>He was tired and not in the mood for fucking. He and Hux had spent the better part of the morning discussing what to do about the escaped map to Skywalker, and as always had landed nowhere with their arguments.</p><p>Then there was the matter of having felt her in his head during their meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke. He hadn’t reacted outwardly, but inside he’d grown confused. He could recognize the presence in his mind, having gone through Rey’s mind the same day, but it made no sense. That the pleasure girl could reside in his mind was preposterous. Force-sensitive? Perhaps, admittedly not unheard of. But not to that extent.</p><p>He thought himself into a headache, and now all he wanted to do was sleep, but there was a stranger on his bed. One he’d invited.</p><p>“Wake up.”</p><p>She was instantly sitting up, apparently startled about having fallen asleep.</p><p>“Master, welcome back.”</p><p>
  <em>Welcome home, Ben.</em>
</p><p>Staring at her, he muttered something nonsensical back. He saw her glance at the chrono, which read 11:52 PM. It was later than he thought.</p><p>“Should I get ready?”</p><p>“No, not today,” Kylo said, taking off his gloves.</p><p>“Then should I leave?”</p><p>“And go where?” he snapped back, slipping off his cowl. “You sleep here from now on.”</p><p>He saw her confusion, but she didn’t comment further on that.</p><p>“Will you… sleep with the mask on?”</p><p>Shit, another hassle. Great.</p><p>“Of course not. You will remain with your eyes closed throughout the night.”</p><p>“And if the suns make my eyes open on their own and I see you?”</p><p>“Then you’ll sleep with an eye mask.”</p><p>Was it him, or did she look amused?</p><p>“Master, won’t you just… show me your face? I feel it to be inevitable, me seeing you one way or another.”</p><p>Such a long moment went by that Rey thought he was thinking of ways to torture her. Today’s activities had left her with a backbone she shouldn’t have had, and she knew that she was pressing her luck with her forwardness. She prayed for a quick and merciful death should it come to that, and if not, for a punishment that befitted her crime and no more.</p><p>Then, as if in slow motion, he raised his hands to his mask.</p><p>Heart pounding, Rey saw him for the first time. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will use Naruto wisdom and no one can stop me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Face Only a Mother Could Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author likes soft Reylo.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ugh fine, here's another chapter. Can't even keep promises to myself, I swear.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo Ren was hot.</p><p>No, really, she couldn’t help but think so when his soft black hair (how was it so perfect despite the stupid mask?) came into view, the strong features set in a stern frown. Rey had great eyesight, and from the bed she could see the moles that littered his face, the long nose, chocolate eyes, possibly big ears, the soft mouth. It was the eyes that twisted her heart.</p><p>“Why would you hide your face?” Rey asked softly, unable to look away from his conflicted eyes. She’d rarely had the time to think about someone’s face as she grew up, desperate as she was to live another day, and she attributed this to finding someone attractive for the first time since she had memory.</p><p>Because he was beautiful. He made her heart race, a strange fluttering she couldn’t explain.</p><p>“It reminds me of my former self,” he said, but didn’t elaborate despite her questioning look. She liked this voice, she decided, and would do her best to never hear that modulated groan again.</p><p>“You’re handsome,” Rey offered, offended when he snorted in self-deprecation. “What? You <em>are</em>. Surely, someone must have told you.”</p><p>Again, the Force didn’t find a lie in her words, a fact which made the tips of his ears bright red in embarrassment.</p><p>He looked away.</p><p>
  <em>Ugly. Funny looking. Freak.</em>
</p><p>The decades-old insults lingered in his mind.</p><p>“I’ve been told my ears are too big.”</p><p>He readied himself for derision, for the acceptance in his words; for silence which he’d take as agreement, for the lie he’d find in the air that spoke about her fear of speaking out.</p><p>The most amazing thing happened: he heard a tinkling laugh.</p><p>She was <em>laughing</em>.</p><p>Snapping his gaze back to her face, he saw the girl —Rey— was laughing cheerfully. The corners of her eyes crinkled, the lines between her brows smoothing. She looked much younger than him then, free.</p><p>“They <em>are</em>,” she said, and before he could get angry, she continued. “And my breasts are small. It’d be overkill if apart of my winning personality I had big tits, don’t you think?”</p><p>“So what am <em>I</em> compensating for?” Kylo asked defiantly, and when he saw the wicked glint in her eye he knew he shouldn’t have asked.</p><p>“Your big cock.”</p><p>They could’ve heard a pin drop in the silence that followed.</p><p>Kylo almost smiled, and then he made his way to the fresher, unable to follow this line of conversation.</p><p>He’d broken two of his rules already, and the worst part was he wasn’t upset.</p><hr/><p>By the time Kylo had deemed himself clean, he found Rey lightly snoring on the edge of the bed, still tucked into a tight ball. She’d managed to wrestle out of the indecent dress and slip on a tunic four sizes too big for her; he’d have to remedy that, and he made a note to himself about getting her more clothes tomorrow.</p><p>Lifting the sheets from his side of the bed, Kylo slipped in with a groan. He’d taken a beating from Supreme Leader Snoke today for letting the droid slip away, and then he’d emptied his anger on his Knights with hours of dueling. He was physically drained, his mind a swirl of emotions too wild to pinpoint.</p><p>
  <em>You’ve failed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You will never be as great as Darth Vader.</em>
</p><p>Anger rising, he turned on his side and narrowed his eyes at the scavenger, feeling some kind of need to hurt the same way he was bleeding inside. He closed his eyes and found the thread to her dreams in the Force, ready to plunge in and <em>scratch</em>, when she let out a soft sigh and burrowed closer into the bed.</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t do that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Will she smile for me again if I do it?</em>
</p><p>The darkness receded. He thought of just taking a peek, only wanting to see what she dreamed about and whether he was featured as a nightmare, but thought again of how adamant she’d been about him staying out.</p><p>She’d tugged at something inside of him he’d thought long gone, a feeling he wasn’t yet able to name. Finally relenting, he settled for instead reaching a hand out and pressing the back of his fingers against her cheek.</p><p>It was warm, a stark contrast to the chilly air. It made sense since she came from a desert planet, but it startled him that she still ran hot. What was even more surprising was when she let out what sounded like a happy sigh, and her rigid shoulders lost some of that tension at his touch.</p><p>He retreated, feeling as if lingering would make him want something he shouldn’t.</p><hr/><p>Kylo had a strict schedule he liked to follow.</p><p>He liked organization, knowing exactly what the day had in store for him and accommodating accordingly. He usually had long days that ran from 6 AM to 11 PM, one meeting after another followed by training and visiting different worlds.</p><p>Today, he woke up at 5 AM feeling surprisingly well rested. A buzz that usually resided in the back of his head was strangely quiet, and when he finally regained his senses he realized that Rey had rolled in the middle of the night to press her forehead into his arm, the rest of her still curved into a tight ball.</p><p>In the dark, he could barely make out her features. He saw a smattering of freckles, a long nose and arched eyebrows. She was pretty, he conceded to himself again. Cute, like something you kept safe in your pocket.</p><p>And, judging by the tightness in his pants, still something he wanted to fuck.</p><p>Not knowing how to begin his attentions with her uncomfortable position, he decided to simply start by waking her.</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>Again, her eyes shot open, though this time she didn’t spring up. Instead, her eyes searched him out, relaxing when she saw he was resting on his arm and looking down at her.</p><p>“I want you,” Kylo said simply, and saw the message was understood because she uncurled her body and made quick work of her tunic, pushing it to the side. Then she closed her eyes. “No, there’s no need for that anymore.”</p><p>So she opened them again.</p><p>Never a patient man, Kylo went straight for her neck, placing hot and wet kisses there that he trailed down to her collarbone, to her sternum, to her nipples. They <em>were</em> small, but in his book they were exactly the right size. They pebbled under his touch, and he was suddenly glad for the new arrangement when he felt her fingers card through his hair softly; in reward for her attentions he parted her legs enough to slip a digit inside, the warmth burning him again, the wetness quickly gathering.</p><p>“<em>Master</em>,” Rey breathed, delirious when the back of his hand rubbed her clit just right.</p><p>Suddenly overcome with the need to be inside her now, he slipped out his finger and put the tip of his cock to her entrance, shoving his finger inside her mouth and instructing her to suck. She did without hesitation, her eyes locked on his other hand guiding his cock inside.</p><p>Then, without warning, he slammed in balls deep.</p><p>“<em>Kriff</em>!” Rey cursed, her back arching off the bed, his finger slipping out in favor of clasping both her hips tightly. He gave her only a second, analyzing from her face that the pain wasn’t unbearable before he started drilling inside, powering through with his legs and bring her closer to him with every thrust. She had her arms raised and holding her against the headboard, looking up at the ceiling as if it could hold her up.</p><p>He changed the angle only for a moment, raising her legs and holding them against his chest, but was enough to make her start convulsing around him, the trigger to making him shoot his spend inside her.</p><p>Breathing hard, he let her legs relax, allowing himself to settle some of his weight on her as he placed his knees outside her hips in order to keep himself inside, concerned with keeping his cum inside her.</p><p>And then, the most amazing thing happened.</p><p>She brought down her arms, placed them around his shoulders and pressed him against her chest.</p><p>He couldn’t help the tension in his shoulders, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he asked her what she was doing.</p><p>“Hugging you,” she stated, no hint of annoyance at the question in place despite how ridiculous it was. “I can take your worst, I think. But I like your best more.”</p><p>Against his better judgement, he slipped his own arms beneath her back carefully, as if one wrong move would make her jump away from him.</p><p>“That wasn’t my worst,” Kylo admitted hoarsely, unable to understand why he was seemingly trying to end this connection. “And I don’t have a best.”</p><p>She tightened her grip on him, and instinctively so did he.</p><p>“I know you’re a monster,” Rey said, not letting go despite how quickly he tried fighting his way from her hold. She was surprisingly strong for someone so underfed. “But you can be a gentle one. I’m not asking you to change. All I’m saying is that even if you don’t like your softer side, I do. It’s the one I like best.”</p><p>Best, as if she liked the other one as well.</p><p>She couldn’t.</p><p>She didn’t know all he’d done, what he’d let happen, what he <em>would</em> allow to happen again. Once she did, she’d hate him.</p><p>Already, it was a concept too painful to dwell on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Out of My Mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author loses her mind and posts two chapters in one.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just in case this is necessary to clarify, I'm not in the habit of warning when there's smut. This is an explicit fanfic about a pleasure girl folks, it's implied. Unless I write something really kinky or violent, you ain't getting a warning from me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment, in a system far from here the New Republic <em>lies</em> to the <em>galaxy</em> while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And will remember this… as the last day of the Republic!” General Armitage Hux crowed proudly, overlooking the people (if they could even be counted as such) under his command. He stood proud and tall, glad that for once he had the spotlight; the apprentice prone to tantrums was behind the glass watching him command an army, ready to bring an end to one of the many systems to destroy.</p><p>Pride surging inside, General Hux gathered all the air from his lungs and tried quelling the excitement in his shriek.</p><p>“<em>Fire</em>!”</p><p>In another life, snow and ice would have melted instantly; runoff tunnels would have been flooded with an ocean of fresh water and airborne creatures would have taken flight. The galaxy would have felt the loss of millions of primitive and inferior lives.</p><p>As it was, a pale engineer made her way next to the general, praying that he didn’t possess the same invisible chokehold as their other commander did.</p><p>“U-Um, G-G-General Hux, there’s been a… p-p-problem.”</p><p>She wasn’t paid enough for this, she really wasn’t.</p><p>Eyes flashing, he snapped his gaze down to the dainty girl who looked on the verge of passing out.</p><p>“What. Problem.”</p><p>It was spat out through gritted teeth, and the engineer was quick to end his ignorance.</p><p>“The weapon isn’t… charged. During the last check it was full, b-but when we fired it was… gone.” The last word was whispered, the knowledge that any words from her mouth would be ill received a rattling concept.</p><p>General Hux let out a cruel, harsh laugh.</p><p>“Gone? You imbecile, the power of the sun doesn’t just <em>disappear</em>.”</p><p>But the girl said nothing, certain in her assessment of the situation.</p><p>Only then did General Hux lose his mind in a tantrum that would have given Kylo Ren a run for his money.</p><hr/><p>Supreme Leader Snoke was… Well, he wasn’t <em>that</em> upset, all things considered.</p><p>He seemed remarkably calm when Kylo Ren and General Hux arrived to give him the news of the failed task, a fact which only Kylo Ren could attribute to the slew of stormtroopers whose light in the Force had suddenly gone out.</p><p>As always, Kylo let Hux deliver the bad news.</p><p>“And this… <em>malfunction</em>,” Snoke spat out, as if testing a new and horrible word. “What caused it?”</p><p>At this, Hux seemed to hunch even further into himself.</p><p>“There was a problem with the charge, Supreme Leader. The engineers believe one of the retention functions for the reserve was jammed, so it seems as though it was a hardware—”</p><p>“<em>Fix. It.</em>”</p><p>The words were hissed with such venom that neither man could do much but nod once in acceptance.</p><p>“How goes the search for the map to Skywalker?”</p><p>At this, Hux turned to Kylo as if handing over the floor.</p><p>Dick.</p><p>“Informants report that the Millennium Falcon has not made contact with any of the Resistance allies, and our communication devices have not picked up any messages towards them that could be the map. I believe their spaceship must have malfunctioned and is being fixed within the Outer Rim, or even the Unknown Regions. Han Solo would never trade his aircraft for another. I have scouts combing through the galaxy as we speak.”</p><p>Snoke seemed to relax into his seat, his bald head resting against the chair. He let out a long groan that put the two of them on edge.</p><p>“No more failures,” Supreme Leader Snoke hissed, closing his eyes. “General Hux, how long will it take to charge the weapon again?”</p><p>He gulped.</p><p>“Ten days, Supreme Leader.”</p><p>“Well, then. You, General <em>Hux</em>, have ten days to obliterate Hosnian Prime. And my apprentice, you have ten days to find the map. <em>Go</em>.”</p><p>On their way up, Hux muttered something about killing whoever had left that droid in the power room, and somehow, Kylo knew who was to blame for this little stunt.</p><hr/><p>It was the middle of the day, so Rey wasn’t expecting it when Kylo Ren came into his chambers in a flurry, ripping his mask off as he walked towards Rey’s spot, perched on a chair with her legs up and an open book on her lap.</p><p>“What did you <em>do</em>, scavenger,” Kylo hissed, slamming the mask down on top of the desk. He was breathing hard, agitated and struggling to hold inside his fury. Rey, however, merely blinked in confusion.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Rey frowned, sincerely not knowing what he was talking about; Kylo slammed his hand down, startling her and making her drop down her legs and shut her book.</p><p>His eyes had grown dark.</p><p>“Tell me about the droid.”</p><p>Understanding crossed her eyes, but defiantly, she turned to look at the droid that had followed him inside. It looked like a little ball, and immediately she knew what kind of droid she was looking at.</p><p>“He’s a BB unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator—”</p><p>“Rey,” he cut her off harshly, less than pleased with her daftness. His eyes were hard, cold, not at all like the ones he’d looked at her in the early hours of the morning with. He took a step closer, lifting a gloved hand. “You know I can take whatever I want.”</p><p>Instantly filled with trepidation, Rey recoiled in her chair and tried to hold her head in her hands as if to protect her mind, but she knew it was a losing battle she was fighting. She didn’t whimper when the pain started though, the familiar scratching digging through her mind; it still wasn’t in her nature to make her feelings known.</p><p>“You’re so lonely… So afraid to leave…” Kylo couldn’t help but smile at the pictures he was seeing; they were just like what lulled him to sleep, but sweeter. “At night, desperate to sleep… You imagine an ocean. I see it —I see the island.”</p><p>His eyes were closed, so he didn’t see how hard she was fighting tears. It hurt, and it was invasive, and she was sick and tired of being poked and prodded at in this spaceship.</p><p>“<em>Get out of my head!</em>”</p><p>The island was the last thing he saw, and then all Kylo could do was keep slamming against a barrier in her mind. His confidence wavered for a second, only a moment, and then he felt her mind in his.</p><p>Unlike his scratching, Rey’s were gentle, timid fingers that coaxed the deepest loneliness inside of him, the part that he squashed at all times for all reasons.</p><p>“You… You’re afraid… That you will <em>never</em> be as strong as Darth Vader!”</p><p>The connection broke, Rey slammed back against her chair and Kylo walking a step backwards, stunned. Both of them were breathing hard and drenched in sweat though no more than a couple of minutes must have gone by.</p><p>They made eye contact again, and what Kylo saw there made him recoil in, for the first time in years, disgust with himself.</p><p>“You think Anakin was a coward and a traitor to the Empire. You think Darth Vader was strong because he wasn’t opposed, so you seek to be him however you can. As if Darth Vader would be <em>proud</em> of you,” Rey spat out, standing up straight and setting her shoulders back.</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>“Well, if memory serves right, he died as Anakin Skywalker, <em>fighting</em> for those he loved. <em>Of course </em>when you call there is no answer, <em>Kylo</em>. Darth Vader doesn’t <em>exist</em> anymore.”</p><p>His ire was ill contained, but it was tangible in the air between them.</p><p>Voice trembling, eye twitching, he clenched both gloved hands at his sides.</p><p>“You’ve crossed a line.” She almost couldn’t hear him from how low his tone was, but she managed it. At this, Rey scrunched her face up with all the fury she felt inside.</p><p>“No, <em>you</em> did when you riffled through my mind!”</p><p>“I told you I can do as I wish.” His eyes flashed, daring her to tell him otherwise when sooner rather than later he would rule the entire galaxy.</p><p>Eyes red, upper arms shaking in rage, she let her shoulders drop.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean you <em>should</em>.” She looked somewhere over his left shoulder, seemingly preparing herself for what else she’d say. “I saw the scars on your back. I thought not telling you might spare a punishment for both of us.”</p><p>The words rang in Kylo’s ears, rushing all anger out of his system. At once, he felt smaller than the girl who happened to be a head shorter.</p><p>When she let her gaze meet his again, her eyes were hurt —and for some reason, this hurt him too.</p><p>“I rewired a droid. It pulled up construction designs within a two mile radius, so obviously it included that infernal weapon. Then I sent it to jam a part of the charging mechanism so it would slowly release the energy inside but appear to be full. That’s it.”</p><p>She gave a step back, eyes narrowed. When he didn’t reply, she brushed past him to head into the fresher. Just before she locked the door behind her, she couldn’t help one last jab.</p><p>“I see now what you meant about not knowing your worst.”</p><p>The door clicked shut behind her, and Kylo didn’t see her reemerge though he waited an hour for her to step out.</p><p>He left, summoning knights as he went. </p><hr/><p>∫ø</p><hr/><p>Rey spent the whole afternoon thinking of her parents.</p><p>She wondered who they’d been, if they’d died loving her a little bit. Growing up, she’d looked up at the stars and wonder if the ship making planetfall held her parents; there was a while where she’d rush as close as she dared, only to realize that the people aboard weren’t humanoid, or looked like her, or recognized her. Crushed, she’d return to the place she called home and make herself something to eat.</p><p>She’d had years to mourn her parents, so it made sense that she wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably over the hope that had been denied. It felt like letting go of a loose threat when you had a handful of them slipping through your fingers. She sat against the headboard of the wide bed, feeling small among pillows and darkness; every once in a while she’d tug at her lower bun, wondering if perhaps it was time she let go of this hairdo as well.</p><p><em>You might be more</em>, Unkar Plutt’s words echoed in her head. </p><p>She’d asked herself how so the first day, but now it was clear that the answer lied somewhere within. She’d managed to stop Kylo Ren’s prodding into her mind, and it was obvious he hadn’t wanted it that way. She wondered, if prompted, what else she’d be able to do.</p><p>
  <em>You’re so lonely…</em>
</p><p>It was true.</p><p>A day hadn’t gone by since Rey had been abandoned in Jakku where she hadn’t felt like a grain of sand amidst the dunes, where she hadn’t felt alone and pitiful for seemingly being so unlovable she had to be dropped off by herself without even knowing her last name.</p><p>She’d thought she’d seen the same loneliness in Kylo, the same need for kindness that she was always yearning for. She’d hugged him because <em>she</em> needed to be hugged, having known somehow their needs aligned. In the dead of the night, when she’d seen his scars, she’d felt horrified and heartbroken for the man next to her. She’d kissed one of them, hoping that her gentle pressure would translate into sweeter dreams.</p><p>Honestly, he’d been kind to her. Kylo, for all his monstrosity recognized throughout the galaxy, had seemed patient and gentle with her. Things she’d never gotten from anyone else were sentiments almost freely given by the creature in a mask.</p><p>For a moment, and it was good that she now knew better, she’d allowed herself to believe she could even grow to like the tall man. His kindness had been faked, her hug imposed. She wouldn’t blame him for her misgivings; they were <em>her</em> delusions, after all, and he’d never owed her anything. He’d even warned her about the lack of goodness within him.</p><p>Resolute now, Rey let the incoming droids (suspiciously high class, unlike her previous assistants) to dress and style her into another doll for their master’s use. It was early enough that she could have finished the book Kylo had startled her into shutting, but truth be told her mood was ruined and she was in no state to concentrate. So the droids ignored her protests that she could bathe herself, and instead they made sure that she was now wearing what she could only describe as a scrap of cloth. It covered her breasts, and then it covered her lower part in a width that only barely surpassed the upper covering. It was red, again, which Rey still found odd due to Kylo’s evident preference over black.</p><p>Still, she wasn’t here to ask questions.</p><p>Heart in her mouth, Rey lied down on the bed onto her stomach, figuring that was the position her master would want her in. Even if he didn’t, she currently had no wish to face him, so he would have to flip her if he wanted to look into her eyes. Briefly, Rey thought about playing dead —making him feel as though he was fucking someone against her will. Or maybe fighting him terribly to let the point sink in. Perhaps even pretending nothing was wrong, confusing him and making him believe she was someone different.</p><p>But then again, Rey had never been a good actress, and she’d never been much of a seductress. There had never been much in Jakku she’d wanted, and the only thing she truly abhorred had been loneliness. Kylo, for all his faults, was still a warm body, and Rey was still a practical woman. She was still here on <em>her</em> terms, and if she so wanted, she would escape; being here, in his bed, was her choice. A dumb one, an easily criticizable one, a poorly understood one, but <em>hers</em>. It made her situation bearable and it gave her a purpose, something she’d had every day of her life; then and now, her one true objective was to survive.</p><p>Rey closed her eyes and waited for Kylo to arrive.</p><hr/><p>Back in Savareen, Poe and Finn were in the middle of trying to convince Han Solo <em>not</em> to take them back to Takodana.</p><p>“We’ll be ratted out before we can even have lunch,” Poe kept insisting, watching as Chewbacca and Han got in the finishing touches to the new hyperdrive. The two of them were, quite frankly, obtuse.</p><p>“She’s an old friend, kid. She’ll help get the droid home to the Resistance. We’ll be… safe.”</p><p>He didn’t sound sure of himself, and it made Poe and Finn lock eyes in worry.</p><p>“Do you really think there are any conspirators there? First Order sympathizers?” Finn muttered to Poe once they were in the cockpit, anxious for a moment to check with each other that this plan was definitely as harebrained as it sounded.</p><p>Poe glanced back and, after checking he wasn’t being heard by either Han or Chewie, pulled down the corners of his lips, closed his eyes and gave a few sharp nods. When he opened his eyes again, he sighed.</p><p>“Not much of a choice, I’m afraid. General Organa’s ex isn’t wrong; we need to get this droid to the Resistance, and there’s no way we’re jumping in this scrap of metal without being seen. Takodana’s not that far.”</p><p>Confused, Finn frowned.</p><p>“Then why did you keep fighting him?”</p><p>At this, Poe merely shrugged.</p><p>“Force of habit.”</p><hr/><p>That night, Kylo took Rey from behind quick and forcefully. He went through the usual routine of taking off his mask and showering, and when he came back out, he only spent a few minutes making sure she was wet enough for him to drill into her.</p><p>He <em>wanted</em> to be gentle. He wanted to be hugged again, however shameful that was. But all his hands had ever known was destruction, and that was what he’d do this time as well.</p><p>Gripping her hips, raising her so she was on her knees, Kylo pounded away the hurt and confusion. He would’ve wanted to see her face while they fucked, but he was afraid that she’d be able to figure out his expression. That he was unraveling, insecure, a little boy hiding behind a mask and the dark. He wanted absolution, but he didn’t deserve it.</p><p>“Ah,” he heard Rey exhale into the pillow, her walls pulsing sweetly around him in a soft orgasm. Wanting to hear that again, he tilted his hips a little and ground his pubic bone into her ass. When this wasn’t enough, he slid his hands down to grip her cheeks hard, separating both globes so he could watch himself drill into her.</p><p>Not enough.</p><p>With the Force, he pressed against her clit just enough to have her clenching wildly around him again. Groaning, he finally emptied himself inside, feeling as he pushed his seed deeper with every thrust.</p><p>Kriff, she felt good.</p><p>After a handful of minutes, he lied down next to her.</p><p>“Clean me up,” Kylo commanded hoarsely, closing his eyes. Her hips were still in the air, her face looking away from him.</p><p>“Yes, Master.”</p><p>No, that didn’t please him anymore.</p><p>“Call me Kylo.”</p><p>“Yes, Kylo,” he heard, before a warm tongue licked its way from his base to the tip. </p><p>Sighing, he watched as Rey engulfed him in her mouth, being almost too mindful of her teeth and gagging a few times when he went a little too far. He ran his fingers through her loose hair, cradling the back of her head and letting out little groans every time she touched him just right. It was too soon for him to get it up again however, and so he eventually tugged her away.</p><p>“Lie with me,” he commanded, and without complaint, Rey did as told. He unfolded a long arm and silently told her which spot to take, and so she lied on her back with her head resting on his forearm.</p><p>“You have my word…” Kylo swallowed hard, staring up at the ceiling, making sure that he was going to go through with his promise. Her soft shiver made him certain. “That your secret is safe with me.”</p><hr/><p>Takodana was the greenest planet Finn had ever stepped foot in. He thought so even when they went inside Maz Kanata’s castle and was forced to plant his ass down between Chewie and Poe.</p><p>“A map to Skywalker himself? You’re right back in the mess,” Maz was shaking her head, serving food on their table that had probably been alive that morning.</p><p>“Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia.”</p><p>The old woman squinted, pursed her lips.</p><p>“Hmm. No. You’ve been running away from this fight for too long. Han, <em>nyakee nago wadda</em>. Go home!”</p><p>“Leia doesn’t want to see me,” Han grumbled, ignoring the Wookiee’s eye-roll.</p><p>“What fight?” Finn asked despite himself, somehow thinking they weren’t talking about the war against the First Order.</p><p>Maz trained her eyes on the ex-stormtrooper.</p><p>“The only fight: against the dark side. Through the ages, I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy, and we must face them. Fight them. <em>All</em> of us."</p><p>At this, Finn felt like bursting. He wasn’t a fighter for the Resistance; he was just a tagalong trying to find the right moment to hop off this crazy ship and spend the rest of his days milking Bantha.</p><p>“There <em>is</em> no fight against the First Order! Not one we can win. Look around. There’s no chance we haven’t been recognized already. I bet you the First Order is on their way right—” he stopped, seeing how the woman was adjusting her huge goggles and scrutinizing him. “What’s this? What’re you doing?”</p><p>Grunting, Maz hoisted herself up onto the tabletop, not caring that she was knocking over food and plates on her way towards him.</p><p>“Solo, what is she doing?” Finn whispered to the older man, who didn’t look impressed with the antics.</p><p>“I don’t know, but it ain’t good.”</p><p>“If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.”</p><p>Furious, he only managed to hold himself back enough not to cause a scene.</p><p>“You don’t know a thing about me. Where I’m from.” To be fair, neither did he know. “What I’ve seen. You don’t know the First Order like I do. They’ll slaughter us. We <em>all</em> need to run.”</p><p>Poe tried placing a hand on his shoulder, but suddenly that was too much. Finn pushed himself off of his seat and stormed away from his group, leaving silent pilots and a pensive woman, wanting to find someplace to calm down.</p><p>Across the establishment, a small GA-97 droid transmitted a message: <em>Alert the Resistance. Their missing droid is here.</em></p><p>Moments later, a slender woman was stealthily making a call on a communicator, a cattish smile on her face. Bazine almost purred in satisfaction.</p><p>“Inform the First Order… I’ve found the droid.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hiya! So, as previously mentioned, I posted two chapters in one just because. This is really a one-time gift, because from now on I'll be updating regularly on Monday and Friday. </p><p>Hope you have a great week!</p><p>Leah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. In Takodana</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author fights to do her real life job.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tell me about the Force.”</p><p>It had been at least an hour of silence, where Rey had processed Kylo’s vow of secrecy on her betrayal to the First Order. It had been unexpected, to say the least. She’d been preparing herself for the proverbial shit to hit the fan when he’d declared his promise out of the blew, a sentiment she wasn’t entirely sure hadn’t been an impulse. Still, the change in her had been immediate; she’d turned on her side and curled around him, placing her left hand over his chest and tucking her head beneath his chin. She didn’t ask him if he was serious; he had no reason for lying to a pleasure girl.</p><p>“I already told you.”</p><p>But Rey shook her head in denial.</p><p>All she knew was that it was <em>a thing</em> that had let someone inside her head.</p><p>“No, you gave me some bogus explanation for something I still don’t understand. I want to <em>know</em>, Kylo, please.”</p><p>
  <em>There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.</em>
</p><p>Kylo rid himself of the Jedi teachings long ago, but they always seemed to come back to him.</p><p>“It’s… an energy field created by all living things. Binds the galaxy together. It’s inside us. Those of us who can feel it —Force sensitives— we can use and bend it to our will.” Kylo thought he could hear his uncle speaking through him, and unable to stand the idea that he was anything like Skywalker, went a step further. “It is a constant battle between the right and wrong side of history —the dark and the light side.”</p><p>Rey pursed her lips, wondering about the dark tone that his voice had acquired.</p><p>“The dark side?”</p><p>Kylo hummed.</p><p>“Passion, strength, power, <em>victory</em>.” Kylo emphasized, his fist clenching at his side. “Emotion, ignorance, chaos, death.”</p><p>Rey frowned.</p><p>“If that’s the dark side, then what’s the light side about?”</p><p>Kylo shrugged, less comfortable with that aspect of the lesson.</p><p>“Peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony. A blind belief in the Force. Control.”</p><p>Still Rey didn’t understand.</p><p>“Can you only pick one side or something?”</p><p>Bewildered, unable to believe that <em>this</em> was her response, Kylo scoffed.</p><p>“There are sides for a reason, Rey. Only one can win. The Jedi or the Sith. The good guys or the bad guys.”</p><p>A thought echoed somewhere, and Rey wasn’t sure where she heard it from: <em>Even if I still feel the pull to the light</em>.</p><p>She’d have to ask Kylo to send the medical droid to her; hearing voices could never be good.</p><p>“Well, <em>that</em> is a load of bantha poop if I’ve ever heard one,” Rey huffed, and tugging herself from Kylo’s arms she sat up, cross-legged and facing him. She was bared to him, but nudity hadn’t ever bothered her much, and especially so with a man who’d seen her fully.</p><p>Unwilling to have a conversation from the point of view where he had a double chin, Kylo also sat up, mimicking her stance. As shy as she was about nudity.</p><p>“It is an eternal fight, Rey. It’s unstoppable.”</p><p>Shocking him even more, she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“No, it’s not. What you just described, Kylo… that’s <em>life</em>. Don’t you see? Everyone hurts, and loves, and wins and learns, but also wishes to forget and just <em>be</em>.”</p><p>He stretched a hand out, laying his thumb against her lips. He caressed them, thoughtfully gazing at his own hand. As if he was watching someone else touching her.</p><p>“You don’t understand what it feels like to be divided. The Force surrounding you… it’s so <em>bright</em>.” Then he cocked his head to the side, as if confused. “Or maybe you do understand the conflict. There’s something <em>there</em> —that if you let fester, could turn you to the dark side.”</p><p>He dropped his hand, but instead of letting him withdraw, Rey clasped his hand tightly in both of hers, holding them against her knee.</p><p>“I don’t know <em>who</em> came up with that nonsense. There are <em>no</em> sides, Kylo. There’s just people, some better and some shittier than others. Some of us feel too much and others not enough. Kylo,” Rey’s voice suddenly softened, but her eyes hardened in contrast. Her grasp on him tightened. “Whoever told you that you belonged <em>here</em>… They lied.”</p><p>His eyes, so open before, shut down. No, he wouldn’t listen to her. He couldn’t. <em>She didn’t understand…</em></p><p>“Then make me.”</p><p>With a start, he realized he’d said the last part out loud. He hadn’t meant to, but the words echoed in the empty room. It was the middle of the night, and outside of his chamber he couldn’t even hear the droids sweeping from one side to the other.</p><p>So, with minimal detail, Kylo explained his story. Growing up under the shadow cast by legends, his parents too busy to care for him and always prioritizing countries over him. A family afraid of him, sleepless nights where he remembered his father trying to put him to sleep.</p><p>A voice telling him that he didn’t belong there, that he wasn’t <em>understood</em>. Finally realizing that his life had been filled with secrets and putting a name to the conflict within. A camp led by his uncle, who grew afraid of him and tried to kill him. Fleeing and leaving ruins and bodies scattered around him, blaming himself for the outcome though he’d never meant to hurt anyone. The remorse growing smaller by day, suppressed by the discovery that his family’s legacy had been built on a lie, and growing more confident by the day that the one at fault had been his uncle and the Jedi.</p><p>The relief he felt at no longer having to hold his power back. Seeking out the only friend he knew —Supreme Leader Snoke— because somehow, he knew his mother wouldn’t have the time or desire to understand him.</p><p>The story was long, and at times he felt on the verge of snapping out a mean word or shutting down, but Rey’s blank gaze prompted him to keep speaking. He’d never told this story to anyone before, had hardly even let himself think about it. Loneliness pooled low in his stomach, and by the time he was done, he was hunched in on himself; he felt twelve again, stranded on Yavin 4 and wondering when his parents would come back for him, not knowing they never would.</p><p>Rey… she said nothing. She just crawled towards him, separated his clenched hands and slipped herself into his lap, pressing her chest to his, wrapping her arms around his neck and <em>hugging</em>.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>The question felt superfluous, especially when he felt something hot slip down his back.</p><p>“I’m comforting you.”</p><p>He denied needing such things, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed.</p><p>“Tell me just one thing, Kylo,” Rey whispered, pressing such a soft kiss against the back of his neck he wasn’t sure he didn’t imagine it.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Here, in this spaceship with the punishment and the dark side and the power… Did you find what you were looking for?”</p><p>He didn’t know what to say.</p><p>So he said nothing, simply falling back on the bed and letting them drift off to sleep.</p><p>
  <em>Did you find what you were looking for?</em>
</p><hr/><p>In the middle of the night, Kylo Ren received a comm:</p><p>They’d found the droid.</p><hr/><p>Somehow, Finn managed to find himself stepping down a basement corridor, BB-8 (loyal little fellow) following close behind. Careful and confused, he walked, not knowing what had compelled him down here when all he’d wanted had been fresh air. He could just… hear a young girl crying at the end of the hall, where a door lied.</p><p>Against his better judgement, he went inside.</p><p>It was a dark, small and vaulted storage room. Old treasures lined the floors and walls, but something was pulling him to an old wooden box in the middle of the room. Its energy was terrifying, powerful, but so difficult to ignore. Nervously, he let himself open the box.</p><p>It was a… Well, Finn wouldn’t have known what it was, but he’d seen Kylo Ren wield it. It was a lightsaber. Unable to fight the urge, he reached towards it; the moment it made contact, there was a piercing sound as the saber lit up.</p><p>Heavy breathing followed, one Finn had been all too familiar with once not so long ago.</p><p>Confused, frightened by the cacophony of voices that suddenly overwhelmed him, Finn tried running towards the other end of the hallway, needing any door that would take him out of there.</p><p>The world tilted, and then he planted his ass down on dry grass. Panting, he turned to see a temple burning —there was a droid next to a hooded man who’d fallen on his knees, reaching out to touch the unit with a mechanical hand.</p><p>Then he was on his feet, stabbed by a red light he knew all too well, and when he turned around he saw Kylo Ren flanked by his six knights of doom.</p><p>The scene changed again, and he wasn’t himself but a small girl; the kid wore three buns and she was sobbing hysterically. A fat Crolute was holding the girl by her arms, and she was watching a spaceship fly into the sky —leaving her behind.</p><p>
  <em>“No, come back!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Quiet, girl!”</em>
</p><p>Then he was himself again, stranded at night in the middle of barren, snowy woods. The air was frigid —he knew where he was, couldn’t forget even if he wanted to— and then he heard the unmistakable sound of a lightsaber igniting. Kylo Ren stepped out from behind one of the willowy trees, and shouting out, he snapped out of the vision.</p><p>He was sitting on the hall, breathing hard and perplexed. Turning his head, he saw Maz Kanata, the same damned knowing look in her eyes.</p><p>“What was that? I shouldn’t have gone in there.”</p><p>“The lightsaber was Luke Skywalker’s, and his father’s before him; and now, it has called to you.”</p><p>Breathing hard, overwhelmed, Finn stood up quickly.</p><p>“I have to get out of here.”</p><p>“So you said,” Maz said gently, laying what was meant to be a comforting hand on top of his. “Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Your fight is here, with the Resistance. Helping us find the one person who will make a difference.”</p><p>Finn swallowed hard.</p><p>“Luke.”</p><p>Maz nodded.</p><p>“The belonging you seek is not out there, but here. With other fighters. Take the saber to Leia. She’ll know how to get it to her brother.”</p><p>At this, Finn clenched his hands into fists and took a step back.</p><p>“I’m never touching that again. I don’t want any part of this.”</p><p>He didn’t care how it looked, Finn ran away <em>fast</em>, hearing the BB unit following behind him quickly. He left the underground and the castle, making his way to the woods in search of an escape. He needed to get away from everyone and everything, if even only to have a moment of peace and quiet where he could think on where he wanted life to take him.</p><p>The sky rumbled.</p><p>Everything came to a halt.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hiya! Hope you liked this snippet. One of the things that have always frustrated me about US war-lore is that there always seem to be an absolute bad and good guy (Star Wars, The Avengers, Disney fairytales) when the truth is... it's complex. So, I guess George Lucas and I deviate there. Oops?</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p><p>Leah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Impeccable Timing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author sneaks in fluff.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ships seemingly appeared out of thin air.</p><p>It seemed like the sky clouded over from one moment to the other, and then there the spaceships were —cold metal against the startling green. It seemed to take seconds, but suddenly the First Order was invading the planet as if they’d always been there, stormtroopers coming out in large numbers and firing first, not bothering to see who was there to take the blast.</p><p>It didn’t take more than a breath for Finn to start running as if his ass was on fire, the little droid screeching alongside him. The shrill noise was the one that made him stop, though, a voice in his head telling him that this wasn’t the time for BB-8 to be making all that racket. Grinding to halt right at the edge of the forest, he chanced a look down at his little friend, keeping an eye on the debris in his peripheral vision.</p><p>“You have to keep going, stay out of sight. Go back to Poe. I’ll try to fight them off.”</p><p>BB-8 beeped, his little head shaking from side to side. Unfortunately, Finn did not speak Binary.</p><p>“No idea what you just said buddy, but I hope it’s encouragement.”</p><p>There, Finn thought he could see the silhouette of Kylo Ren moving through the smoke, what seemed like a stormtrooper at his side.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Giving BB-8 another push in the other direction, he ran and took cover behind a massive tree.</p><hr/><p>“Come on, Chewie!” Han barked at his copilot, trusty blaster in hand as he tried to lead the party across the debris. They’d seen the incoming starships and had rallied outside, and for what felt like the thousandth time Han Solo wondered how a smuggler ended up in the middle of a war.</p><p>Maz, all-seeing and terrifying, turned to Poe with a solemn gaze.</p><p>“Finn and BB-8, they need you. Now <em>go</em>.” Maz said this and looked in the direction she’d seen Finn take off. It didn’t take him more than a second to think it through; Poe was a soldier, and no man was ever left behind.</p><p>Still.</p><p>“I need a weapon.”</p><p>“You’ve got a blaster,” Maz said, then slapped both said blaster and another cylindrical object in his hand. What <em>was</em> that? “That’s for Finn. <em>Now</em> go!”</p><p>Poe took off in a run like he hadn’t run since… well, since not that long ago really. Such was the life of a Resistance fighter.</p><p>“Hey, can I try that?” Han extended his arms wordlessly, and with barely more than a grunt the Wookiee placed his bowcaster in his mate’s hands. Peeking out from hiding, Han fired at the approaching Stormtroopers, sending the lot of them flying. Fire and smoke filled their senses. Smugness radiating off of him, he turned to Chewie. “I like this thing.”</p><p>While Han and Chewie covered for him, Poe ran as fast as he could across enemy lines, trying not to think about the blasts that nearly nicked him. It took him a second too long, because by then he was intercepted by the Stormtroopers and he’d lost sight of Finn.</p><p>“No, no, no…” Poe muttered to himself, trying to slip past the blasts only to realize he was surrounded. He had to either switch gears or die trying.</p><p>It was only minutes of getting their asses handed to them, but it was enough to nearly drop to his knees in relief when he heard the familiar roar of X-wings gliding over the lake and shooting at First Order ships. Finn and BB-8 would be safe now, and he didn’t need to have a blast-sized hole in his head.</p><p>“It’s the Resistance,” Han breathed out, as always wondering how it was that his estranged wife’s rescue efforts had such impeccable timing.</p><p>He’d hug her, he decided. He’d missed her too much to not do at least that.</p><p>He wondered if she’d done anything to her hair.</p><p>Back in the woods darkened by smoke and debris, Finn kept shakily walking with his blaster aimed… somewhere. Anywhere. He had to survive this, he just <em>had</em> to. No way was he going back to the First Order. He’d kill himself first, that was a promise.</p><p>The sound of a lightsaber roaring to life startled him from his panicked thoughts, making him shoot the moment he saw the red light come out from behind a tree. Kylo Ren was in full body armor, the same bleeding mask hiding his expression. Like most lackeys, Finn had never seen Kylo’s face. Again, Finn kept blasting off, only to have every shot deflected with the lightsaber.</p><p>
  <em>Shit shit shit.</em>
</p><p>He tried running, but it was too late. He couldn’t move.</p><p>“FN-2187, isn’t it? The traitor I’ve heard so much about,” Kylo walked a few steps closer, and ruthlessly aimed his lightsaber at his face. “The droid. Where is it?”</p><p>In the distance, they heard a Stormtrooper shouting for air support. Finn wasn’t sure, but he thought the loud noises he’d heard must’ve been ships; perhaps the cavalry had arrived.</p><p>All at once, Kylo Ren turned off his lightsaber and reached a gloved hand towards Finn’s face; the pain was excruciating and immediate, an intrusion that felt like a horror crawling through his thoughts.</p><p>“The map. You’ve seen it.”</p><p>Surprised, Kylo lowered his hand. He was awfully quiet for someone who breathed through a mask, Finn thought.</p><p>“Sir, Resistance fighters! We need more troops!” A disembodied voice called out in a worried tone, but Kylo didn’t even flinch.</p><p>“Pull the division out. Forget the droid. We have what we need.”</p><p>The last thing Finn saw was a hand waving in front of his face before he blacked out.</p><hr/><p>It took very little time for Kylo to determine that the glimpse of the map that the traitor had seen was not, in fact, what he’d hoped for. Furious at the blatant failure, he first ran his saber through a wall and then made his way to his chambers, needing something to calm his anger.</p><p>“Ren—” General Hux tried intercepting him, but a tight squeeze to the throat fixed that.</p><p>“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, Hux. You try to get ahead of me and I’ll personally see to it this is the last warning you <em>ever</em> receive.”</p><p>Letting go and not waiting for an answer, Kylo stomped his way to his room, knowing that no one else dared stop him.</p><p>The doors opened for him, and he was prepared to shout out all of his frustrations to Rey, when he saw where she was. She wore pants and a tight-fitting black tunic, probably asked for due to the cold. It was quite a few hours before he was usually due back in the room, and it was obvious she hadn’t been expecting him; she was sleeping, curled up in a tight ball at the edge of the bed. Their early-morning talk had clearly left her tired, and he had to admit he was also exhausted.</p><p>The moment he came in, though, she sprang up, seemingly ready for a fight.</p><p>“Kylo!” Rey rubbed the back of her hand into her eye, trying to clear her blurry vision. He didn’t know what she saw, but she quickly lost the dreaminess of sleep and was stiffening her back. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Silently, Kylo removed his mask. Rey saw his jaw was set, his left eye twitching with the effort not to scream and slash something. He slammed the mask down on the bed, clenching his hands into fists and breathing quickly. He was going to lose it.</p><p>Now worried, Rey crawled across the bed and set the mask to her side so she could be in front of Kylo, leaning back on her knees. She was looking up at him with wide eyes, expectant.</p><p>“I failed.”</p><p>“Did you?” Rey muttered, not daring to deny it. She didn’t, after all, know what he was talking about.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“I’m a failure.”</p><p>Cocking her head to the side, Rey assessed him. Angry, petulant, about to throw a tantrum. Things hadn’t gone his way, she supposed, and he most likely did not fare well with this. She’d never really had to cheer someone up, so this was uncharted territory for the scavenger. Still, she gave it a go.</p><p>“You saw how I crawled towards you just now?” Rey asked, and the question confused him enough to make him meet her eye. What did that have to do with anything? Humoring her though, he nodded. “Well, am I a crawler then? Do I not walk every day? Can I not run? Maybe you did fail, Kylo, but that doesn’t make you a failure.”</p><p>He couldn’t remember the last time, if there was any, that someone had tried to make him feel better. Not in recent years, certainly.</p><p>“But I fail all the time,” Kylo whispered, unable to believe he was admitting this out loud. His greatest fears, coaxed out of him without pain. Afraid of failure, afraid of being alone, afraid of being unwanted; the only thing he did not fear was death itself, and that was due to the knowledge that he would be relieved of the pain of living with his demise.</p><p>Rey’s broad smile startled him.</p><p>“Everyone does. That’s just life. You must learn to forgive yourself for them.”</p><p>When he left his chambers, Kylo felt ready to confront the Supreme Leader. Well, as ready as anyone could be to face a storm.</p><p>Rey was left blinking quickly, looking at the small gap in the doors.</p><p>Kylo had failed to properly close the doors.</p><hr/><p>“General, the reconnaissance report on the enemy base is coming.”</p><p>Leia Organa-Solo breathed in relief.</p><hr/><p>“And the droid?”</p><p>Supreme Leader Snoke’s voice was grating as always, filled with disdain that made backs stiffen. He spoke with power, without kindness.</p><p>Kylo Ren hesitated a moment, and it was enough for the rat beside him to jump in.</p><p>“Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us.” Hux walked leisurely to stand next to Kylo’s side. “That the traitor was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.”</p><p>The fury was palpable, and Kylo wondered if shrinking himself would work to make him disappear.</p><p>“Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.”</p><p>“We have their location. We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system,” Hux supplied, and the two men felt as the air’s temperature stopped dropping, signaling an assuaged anger.</p><p>“Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.”</p><p>No. <em>No.</em></p><p>His mother was there. He hadn’t… They wouldn’t…</p><p>“Supreme Leader. I can get the map from the traitor. I just need your guidance,” Kylo blurted out, trying and failing to hide the desperate fear from his heart.</p><p>Snoke knew. He always did.</p><p>“No. More. Failures."</p><hr/><p>Heart in her mouth, Rey stepped out of the chamber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I like to imagine Kylo would have dragged Finn inside the ship by the ankle. That, or he'd have made his troopers carry him in the most uncomfortable position. :P<br/>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Force Speak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was little hesitation on Rey’s part when she decided to step outside of the room.</p><p>She knew the risks she was undertaking by doing so. Kylo would be furious, of course, not that he’d ever explicitly told <em>her</em> not to leave —and considering the fact that Rey wasn’t <em>actually</em> a prisoner, having sold her <em>body</em> to Unkar Plutt (who in turn sold it to the First Order), but not her freedom. She was curious about the state of affairs, and she much preferred saying sorry than asking for permission.</p><p>Outside, she saw a flurry of movement towards the Eastern wing.</p><p>Naturally, she moved West.</p><hr/><p>Han supervised as Chewie and Poe arranged to prepare the Falcon for takeoff, side-eyeing the pilot especially.</p><p>“Chewie, check the donal capitator. Come on. Let’s go.” Eyes narrowing, he grunted at Dameron. “Poe, be careful with those —they’re explosives.”</p><p>Eyes wide, the pilot nearly swallowed his tongue.</p><p>“<em>Now</em> you tell me?”</p><p>Shrugging, Han was about to step forward when he heard her.</p><p>“No matter how much we fought, I’ve always hated watching you leave.”</p><p>Heart softening as it always did when he heard her, he turned around to find his wife.</p><p>He gave her his trademark smile.</p><p>“That’s why I did it. So you’d miss me.”</p><p>She laughed, and <em>that</em> was why he said the stupid things he did. Leia had grown up a princess, dignified and respected, but he was always reminded of their younger days whenever she smiled.</p><p>She walked closer, stepping in front of him.</p><p>“I did miss you,” she said softly, a rare admittance for her. It had always felt awkward to be sweet with each other, the two always far more adept at fighting than loving.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Sometimes, it was merely out of habit that they fought; as he grew older, a part of Han had grown to want more of this softness, but the stubborn man in him never allowed him to say anything. </span></p><p>“It wasn’t all bad, was it? Huh? Some of it was… good,” he said, fighting not to twitch. The look she gave him in return made his heart pound.</p><p>“…Pretty good.”</p><p>He’d always been too smug for his own good, Leia thought.</p><p>“Some things never change.”</p><p>Leia’s smile widened.</p><p>“True. You still drive me crazy.” Han tugged her into a hug, thinking as he always did how small she felt in his arms. Better than anything had ever felt, followed closely by some of the rare hugs Ben had allowed. “If you see our son again, bring him home.”</p><p>His arms tightened around her.</p><p>“I will.”</p><hr/><p>The key was confidence, Rey decided. If she walked like she was allowed to be here, she’d be able to walk undisturbed.</p><p>The thought hadn’t even finished crossing her mind when a Stormtrooper appeared out of the blew in front of her.</p><p>“You aren’t allowed here.”</p><p>
  <em>All or nothing, Rey.</em>
</p><p>“Yes, I am,” she said softly. When the Stormtrooper took a step closer, she realized she hadn’t sounded certain enough. “I am allowed here.”</p><p>There was a pregnant pause.</p><p>“You are allowed here.”</p><p>And then the Stormtrooper walked past her.</p><p>Mouth dropping, Rey hurried away, not wanting a repeat performance. As she walked past, she thought of the surge in power that she’d felt when speaking. It was almost the same as when she’d fought Kylo’s mind invasion, a certain oppression in the air around her that swirled and stopped. She'd just meant to <em>sound</em> confident, not... to do that.</p><p>She heard footsteps, interrupting her train of thought. She hid behind a wall.</p><p>“… Wants the traitor to be taken to her, Maker knows what Captain Phasma will do…”</p><p>There were two Stormtroopers, and between them was a handsome man with a sullen face being forced to walk forward. She wasn’t used to seeing humanoids, had only met a handful, but she thought he must’ve had a nice smile, had he been in the mood for it.</p><p>In any case, this wasn’t the time for her inner musings. Apparently, this man wasn’t here willingly, and that was all Rey needed to know to jump forward in front of the Stormtroopers with a courage she did not feel.</p><p>Instantly, the two troopers made to grab their weapons.</p><p>But Rey was faster.</p><p>“You will undo the prisoner’s restraints and go back to your original posts.”</p><p>This time, she didn’t have to say it twice.</p><p>Eyes wide, Finn let his eyes rest on the girl as the troopers undid his bindings as if in a trance and came back the way they’d come from.</p><p>Rey waited only a beat before grabbing the man by the wrist and dragging him after her as she led him to the nearest empty room —a supply closet, by the looks of it.</p><p>It would do.</p><p>“What was <em>that</em>?” He asked her, thankful for his darker skin as he felt his cheeks heat up. The girl in front of him —she looked so young and thin— looked at him with a frown. “And who are you?”</p><p>She shrugged.</p><p>“I’m Rey,” she gave him a small smile, unsure she still knew how to give a real one. “And I don’t know either. Now tell me who <em>you</em> are and why they called you a traitor. Oh, also why you are here.”</p><p>Finn glared.</p><p>“Why would I tell you any of that?”</p><p>“Because the same way I saved you I can let everyone know the prisoner escaped.”</p><p>Well, she made a good point.</p><p>“I’m… Finn,” he finally said. “I used to be a Stormtrooper, but I escaped. As for why I’m here…” Finn thought of giving her a lie, but he was much too tired to make one up. He’d have called himself a hero for the Resistance, but he had no proof and no escape. “I was kidnapped by Kylo Ren.”</p><p>Her blood ran cold.</p><p>“No, you’re lying,” Rey’s pitch rose, and it was then that Finn noticed a red mark on the side of her neck. “Kylo, he wouldn’t do that.”</p><p>Oh, <em>Maker</em>.</p><p>“You’re one of his pleasure girls,” Finn stated, flabbergasted. <em>This</em> lovely creature was serving that horrible monster? “And you’re… defending him? After how he must treat you?”</p><p>Rey glared, her back growing straight.</p><p>“I’m not. I’m just saying, Kylo’s not really—”</p><p>“A monster?” Finn laughed, but the sound was harsh and it made Rey flinch. “Rey, you <em>cannot</em> be that blind. That man is evil personified. He’s <em>Darth Vader’s</em> successor.”</p><p>But he wasn’t, was he. Evil. A monster. Rey knew firsthand just how <em>human</em> he was.</p><p>It made her ache.</p><p>“You won’t make me change my mind,” Rey said with a confidence she didn’t have. “Still, I must get you out of here. I have a bad feeling that something’s about to happen.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh Kriff!</em>
</p><p>“<em>The super-weapon</em>,” Finn breathed, a new look of panic setting in his eye. He suddenly grabbed Rey’s upper arms tightly, and she was a second away from knocking him out when he continued. “I heard the troopers talking. Apparently, they’re going to fire it soon. Today, possibly.”</p><p>Rey frowned.</p><p>“That’s not possible. I jammed it.”</p><p>Blinking, Finn stared at the girl’s hazel eyes. Perhaps there was more to her than she’d let on.</p><p>“Jammed it?”</p><p>Rey nodded.</p><p>“They were going to use it,” she didn’t even know how long ago, time was so warped here. “I managed to unload it.”</p><p>His face lit up.</p><p>“Well, can you do it again?”</p><p>Rey’s answering expression made his stomach drop.</p><p>“I could, but if they plan to use it today there wouldn’t be enough time. We’d have to properly destabilize it.” Thoughtful, Rey met his dark eyes again. “Do you know anything about it?”</p><p>Finn shook his head no.</p><p>“Apart from it using the power of the sun until it disappears, nothing.”</p><p>Rey’s mouth dropped.</p><p>“What do you mean, nothing? That’s what the thermal oscillator is <em>for</em>!” Rey actually slapped his chest with the back of her hand, and while Finn would have liked to say it hadn’t hurt, that would have been a lie.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>She started pacing.</p><p>“In order for that amount of power to be contained, a thermal oscillator is needed. If we can destroy that, it might destabilize the core and cripple the weapon.” Rey suddenly stopped, letting out a deep sigh. “Maybe the planet.”</p><p>There was a moment of silence, and then Rey was pressing her lips together in determination.</p><p>“Do you know where the escape pods are?”</p><p>Finn was still hearing the echo of her last words.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The escape pods. Do you know where they are?”</p><p>Hesitantly, he nodded.</p><p>“And the thermal oscillator?”</p><p>Rey couldn’t remember the design exactly, and especially not under pressure.</p><p>“Precinct 47,” Finn mumbled, and she chewed on her thumb for a minute before letting out a long and resigned sigh.</p><p>“Ok, this is what we’ll do. We go and scrap that thermal oscillator, then you take us to the escape droids. You leave first while I go for some things.”</p><p>Kylo among them, not that she’d tell him that what with his previous reaction.</p><p>“What? But how long would we have to do that?”</p><p>Rey made a quick calculation.</p><p>“I gather twenty minutes maximum depending on the size of the sun they used. We’ll have enough time, Finn. Will you help me?”</p><p>He assessed the young girl, looking wide-eyed and certain. She must’ve been terrified, but her survival instinct was strong. She wouldn’t panic.</p><p>He was safe with her.</p><p>“Yes.” </p><hr/><p>“Alright, so how are we getting in?” Poe asked.</p><p>“Their shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling slower than light speed from getting through.”</p><p>Poe did <em>not</em> like how Han phrased that.</p><p>“We’re gonna make our landing approach at <em>lightspeed</em>?”</p><p>Poe might’ve been a daring pilot, but he wasn’t that suicidal.</p><p>Still, the Wookiee groaned in agreement.</p><p>“Alright Chewie, get ready,” Han said, receiving a shrill agreement. He studied the panels, heart in his throat. “<em>Now</em>!”</p><p>Chewie and Han hit the switches (he wasn’t being allowed to pilot, nor did he want to maneuver the piece of junk), and they went from lightspeed to planet atmosphere in a matter of moments, a hundred feet above snowy ground and headed right for a thick forest.</p><p>Chewie growled.</p><p>“I <em>am</em> pulling up!” Han snapped back, even as the Millennium Falcon plowed right through the trees; alarms blared, the ship kept slamming around and he only managed to marginally elevate them. Chewie complained again. “I get any higher, they’ll see us!”</p><p>Again they dove back into the trees, almost in the same breath hurtling out of the forest and slamming into snow, digging through a thousand yards of it until the Falcon stopped, half-buried.</p><hr/><p>“Sir, the traitor wasn’t in his cell, but all the troops are on alert,” the unfortunate Stormtrooper picked to deliver the news said, wondering if his death would at least be quick.</p><p>He was about to receive his fate when Kylo Ren snapped his head to the side, seeing something nobody else could.</p><p>“Han Solo.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So our heroes meet. As you can see, we start deviating more and more from the original plot. </p><p>Also, I'm so sleepy. I want a nap, but real life gets in the way. Damn it. </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Worth Saving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author updates a day sooner.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The flooding tunnels are over that ridge. We’ll get in that way,” Poe said, the two other men trailing behind him cautiously across the snow.</p><p>“You really had time to see all this?” Han asked. He’d been filled in on Poe’s brief but terrifying capture at the hands of his son, and how they just <em>had</em> to save Finn, because no way could they leave him in a planet about to explode.</p><p>“I had to survive,” Poe stated.</p><p>Chewie moaned.</p><p>“Oh really, <em>you’re</em> cold?” Han snarked, not even bothering to remind his oldest friend of all the hair in his possession.</p><p>“Come on!”</p><p>Currently, the weapon would be fully charged in fifteen minutes.</p><hr/><p>It took little effort for Rey and Finn to find the thermal oscillator, and it took even less for Rey to realize she wouldn’t have any of the tools necessary for destabilizing it.</p><p>“I didn’t realize from the ship designs,” Rey said, frustratedly biting on her thumb. They were watching the device from a safe distance, the oscillator being protected by the Troopers assigned to it within a safe distance. “There’s nothing I can do. I’d blast the entire system trying with what I <em>do</em> have.”</p><p>Finn frowned.</p><p>“So what are you saying?”</p><p>Unhappy, Rey pressed her lips together. She met his eyes.</p><p>“Lead us to the TIE fighters. You need to warn the Resistance,” Rey said, making Finn’s eyes widen in surprise. “Oh come off it, of course I know. No other reason they’d bring you back.”</p><p>He reluctantly nodded in agreement.</p><p>“Alright, follow me.”</p><p>The two made their way down one of the many halls, careful to avoid being seen by Stormtroopers. Rey didn’t know if her newfound trick had a limit, and she did not want to find out while having a blaster on her face.</p><p>They reached and opened a hangar door, revealing hundreds of TIE fighters just waiting to be used. The issue? The group of Stormtroopers chatting around.</p><p>“<em>Kriff</em>,” Rey and Finn cursed at the same time when they saw one of them about to catch sight of them, hurrying across the walkway and hiding behind another wall. Blinking quickly, Rey elbowed Finn lightly and showed him the service hatch.</p><p>Without further ado, the two of them climbed inside and closed it behind them.</p><hr/><p>Chewie, Han and Poe wasted no time in blasting away the Stormtrooper waiting to board a transport compartment.</p><p>“The longer we’re here, the less luck we’re going to have. The shields?” Han asked, turning to look at the Resistance pilot. Apparently, it had been more important for him to rescue his newly-made friend than leading the attack on Starkiller Base, handing over his role of leader to some girl called Page Tico.</p><p>“I have an idea about that,” Poe said with a broad smile.</p><p>ƒø</p><p>Captain Phasma was headed down a corridor when she was shoved out by Chewbacca; with his arms around her, he forced her to face Poe, who held a blaster to her face.</p><p>“Hello, Captain Phasma. And so we meet.”</p><p>They didn’t have to see her face to know the woman was confused.</p><p>“And who are <em>you</em>?”</p><p>That was a fair question, all things considered.</p><p>“A friend from someone you should’ve been nicer to,” Poe’s smile was tight, one of the few moments where it was obviously fake. “Follow me.”</p><p>A few minutes later Captain Phasma sat in front of a work station, three blasters aimed at her face; reluctantly, she worked the controls.</p><p>“You want me to blast that bucket off of your head? Lower the shields,” Poe snapped, feeling the back of his neck tingling with the time pressure.</p><p>“You’re making a big mistake.”</p><p>No they weren’t.</p><p>“Do it.”</p><p>Chewie moaned in agreement.</p><p>After hitting a few more buttons, the controls beeped; SHIELDS DISABLE INITIATE flashed across the workstation.</p><p>“Solo, if this works, we’re not gonna have a lot of time to find Finn,” Poe muttered, watching as the words blinked in and out.</p><p>“Don’t worry kid, we won’t leave without him.”</p><p>Han had always had the gift of sounding confident no matter what.</p><p>The controls beeped. The shields were disabled.</p><p>“You can’t be so stupid as to think this will be easy. My troops will storm this block and kill you all.” Captain Phasma spoke with the confidence of a woman in power, unlike Han, whose guts were all he had.</p><p>“I disagree. What do we do with her?”</p><p>Han shrugged.</p><p>“You think there is a garbage chute? Trash compactor?”</p><p>Poe smiled.</p><hr/><p>After taking cover, Chewie pulled some explosives out of his bag and blasted the doors nearby.</p><p>“We’ll use the charges to blow that blast door. I’ll go in and draw fire, but I’m gonna need cover,” Poe muttered, getting his blaster ready, still reminiscing about Phasma's scream as she slid down to the dumpster.</p><p>“You sure you’re up for this?” Han grunted.</p><p>“Hell no. I’ll in and try to find Finn. The troopers will be on our tail, so we have to be ready for that. There must be some —Why are you doing this?” Poe scowled, watching Han jerk his chin up repeatedly. “I’m <em>trying</em> to come up with a plan.”</p><p>Still, he turned around only to see Finn and a girl climbing out from inside a wall and onto the main level.</p><p>Rey was about to run away when Finn held her back from moving.</p><p>It was ok, apparently. She relaxed marginally.</p><p>“Are you alright?” Han asked, his eyes fixed on the ex-trooper. Still, he couldn’t help but notice how the girl’s eyes lingered on him. She was wide-eyed.</p><p>He looked so much like Kylo it was staggering.</p><p>“Yeah,” Finn said, breaking Rey’s trance. She wasn’t sure she’d seen that right.</p><p>“Good,” Han said gruffly.</p><p>“What happened —did he hurt you?” Poe huffed, trying to find any injuries on his friend.</p><p>“Poe. What are you doing here?” Finn frowned, unable to believe his luck.</p><p>“We came back for you,” Poe shrugged, as if it was that easy to infiltrate an enemy base for a single man.</p><p>Rey couldn’t help the surge of jealousy; someone coming back for her was all she’d ever wanted.</p><p>The Wookiee groaned something.</p><p>“What’d he say?” Finn wondered out loud, surprised when it was Rey who answered.</p><p>“That it was this guy’s idea,” Rey shrugged with a small, sad smile. “Poe, right?”</p><p>The curly-haired man nodded.</p><p>“Thank you,” Finn said simply, but his eyes said it all.</p><p>He was beyond grateful.</p><p>“How did you get away?” Poe asked, leveling a look at the girl beside his friend. She wore an odd combination of a black tunic and pants, but this was offset by the red blemish on the side of her neck.</p><p>He could guess what she was.</p><p>“Well, this is Rey. She helped me. Can’t explain how.”</p><p>Han grunted, unable to withstand the small talk anymore.</p><p>“Escape now. Hug later.”</p><hr/><p>When the group ran out into the snow, they caught sight of the battle taking place in the air. It was everything that they’d been trying to avoid, and yet the event they’d known there would be no escaping.</p><p>“They’re in trouble. We can’t leave,” Han said, eyes trained tightly on the scene in front of him. Wondering, as he always did, where his wife was. “My friend here has a bag full of explosives. Let’s use ‘em.”</p><p>Rey swallowed hard, gaze trained tightly on the older man.</p><p>“You can’t. Ky— There’s still people inside,” Rey said, voice faltering at the thought of everyone trapped in the planet. Of that one person who, for all intents and purposes, didn’t know where she was.</p><p>“First Order folks,” Poe retorted. “There’s no one worth saving.”</p><p>Rey scowled furiously, offended on behalf of Kylo and the countless people doubtlessly led into the spaceship by hunger and desperation, like her.</p><p>“That’s not <em>true</em>,” Rey snapped, and this time she didn’t waver. “There’s someone inside I can’t leave. I won’t.”</p><p>Poe squinted at her neck once more.</p><p>“The same person who left that hickey on your neck?” He pointed at it with his neck, making the scavenger blush furiously.</p><p>“She wants to save Kylo Ren,” Finn scoffed along with Poe, and neither man noticed when Han and Chewie exchanged a tense look.</p><p>“You do? Rey, was it?” Han asked, taking in the skinny girl a little more carefully. He calculated that her tunic must’ve been the right size for Ben, whereas it was huge on her.</p><p>Feeling like this was an important question, Rey straightened her back and nodded.</p><p>She didn’t know why.</p><p>Kylo had sketchy morals at best. He was mercurial, wounded, lonely.</p><p>Perhaps, she thought, nobody had ever saved him. Just like her.</p><p>“Alright then,” Han muttered at the same time that Chewie growled his approval. “Let’s roll.”</p><hr/><p>Once they were inside the oscillator, Han and Chewie divided the explosives within them and talked in hushed voices.</p><p>“We’ll set the charges at every other column,” Han mumbled, reconsidering his words at Chewie’s protest. “You’re right. That’s a better idea.”</p><p>Checking his detonator, he looked up at his copilot. “You take the top. I’ll go down below. <em>Detonator</em>. We’ll meet back here.”</p><p>Heading off in opposite directions, Han quickly finished placing his explosives. He finished setting the charge and was about to move on when he heard noises, quickly hiding behind a wall. Peeking around, he felt his whole body freeze: Ben was there near a railing, looking down at a void.</p><p><em>Maker</em>, he’d missed his son.</p><p>He watched Ben stomp past him, shifting his stance slightly in order to watch him keep walking. He still walked with a confident pace that offset his hunched shoulders.</p><p>This was his chance to escape, he knew. No other time.</p><p><em>Bring him home</em>, Han heard again the words echo in his head. Even if Leia hadn’t said them, he would’ve done so anyways; there was a lot Han regretted when it came to Ben, and not trying harder would always be at the top of his list.</p><p>Impulsively, he walked out to the edge of the catwalk.</p><p>“<em>Ben!</em>”</p><p>His name echoing, Kylo didn’t notice at first that doors had opened to let in more frigid air, letting a trio of people look inside. Finn, Poe and Rey had caught the call.</p><p>Kylo stopped and turned around to face his father.</p><p>“Han Solo. I’ve been waiting for this day a long time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I ate way too much and now I can't lie down, which is like 70% of the reason why I'm updating a day earlier. </p><p>I'm also really glad so many of you seem on board with the idea of me inserting snippets of the real movie plot in the fic! I was kind of hesitant about doing so, but it seems like it's worked out so far. As we go through TLJ less scenes will be sneaked in, and I expect that only a handful of TROS lines will make it in because of how much I'll have deviated by then. </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. A Risky Opinion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author needs a nap.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Take off that mask. You don’t need it.”</p><p>Rey couldn’t believe it, but in that moment she remembered the part of the dream she’d been unable to recall. <em>Your father, Han Solo</em>, Snoke had said. That meant this was Kylo’s father —the famous smuggler, then, who’d made the Kessel run in 14 parsecs.</p><p>“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” Kylo asked, making Rey flinch. She hated it when she heard that modulated voice, even more so when the cold undertone was so clearcut. Han moved a step closer, hands spread out as if showing he meant no harm.</p><p>“The face of my son.”</p><p>Rey didn’t like where this was going. Kylo still had too much anger inside of him. He hadn’t yet forgiven anyone, she knew, and this was a precarious situation. She wondered what would happen if she let this develop naturally; the part of her that had known him less than two weeks hoped there was enough goodness in him that he’d reconcile with his father. The part of her that had seen the scars on his back and the terrible anger he carried thought he’d choose wrong. </p><p>Still, Kylo took off his mask. Even from the distance, the trio and Chewbacca could see Han’s start at seeing Kylo Ren’s face. Rey wondered how long it had been since Kylo had let his face be seen by someone he cared about; if he’d been an adult the last time Han had seen him, or if this was the first time they’d met since Kylo’s boyhood ended.</p><p>“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him.”</p><p>Rey felt her shoulders shrink at the harsh words, unable to believe he was saying them when they weren’t even true. The soft side Rey liked —she was sure now that it was the side of him he’d tried getting rid of. The past he’d almost killed. The man Han Solo was trying to save, at the risk of infiltrating an enemy base and dying here. The problem was that the harsh side, the violent and volatile one, was being fed on by the anger and fear that surrounded him; perhaps, Rey thought, she was the only person in this room who thought him capable of goodness.</p><p>“That’s what Snoke wants you to believe, but it’s not true. My son is alive.”</p><p>Kylo’s frustration flared.</p><p>“No. The Supreme Leader is wise.”</p><p>Everyone watched the interaction, riveted as Han moved another step closer, steps echoing throughout the void.</p><p>“Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you. You know it’s true.”</p><p>Han could see it in his son’s eyes, how he knew the words to be true.</p><p>“It’s too late,” Kylo finally said, lips quivering. He’d always been stubborn, and this time was no exception. It was too late to change, too late to turn back, too late to regret.</p><p>“No, it’s not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.”</p><p>The words rattled him.</p><p>Rey, she hadn’t known Kylo all that long. Couldn’t even say she <em>liked</em> him, though it was true she felt a bond with him that was deeper than anything she’d ever encountered. However, she could see that for some reason the words had been too much. They’d make him snap, she knew, and if there was one thing she knew Kylo didn’t appreciate it was feeling out of control.</p><p>So, she gave him something else to focus on.</p><p>“<em>Kylo!</em>” Rey screeched, putting all her force into it and startling the two men next to her, who moved to grip her shoulders out of instinct.</p><p>It worked. One second, Kylo was taking a closer step towards Han and the next his eyes had snapped up to Rey, eyes trained on the men’s hands on her.</p><p>What was she doing up there?</p><p>The disbelief was evident, and his eyes were quick to harden when he saw Poe and Finn next to her.</p><p>“What are you doing here, Rey? And with <em>them</em>?” Kylo’s voice didn’t rise, but it carried a poisonous tone that made everyone shiver.</p><p>Rey lied.</p><p>“I’m leaving with them. I only came to say goodbye.”</p><p>“You are <em>mine</em>,” Kylo’s nostrils flared, and it was then that Rey knew she had the correct diversion. If he couldn’t be convinced through love, then it would have to be through fear.</p><p>Jealousy coursing through his veins, Kylo shoved past his father, who seemed only too stunned to do anything about it. The shove nearly pushed him off the catwalk, but Han Solo had survived on his reflexes for far too long and managed to find his footing shortly thereafter.</p><p>This seemed like a good time for Poe to remember the cargo on him, as he and Finn watched Rey race away and into the snow.</p><p>“Here,” Poe said, placing the cylinder on Finn’s palm. “Maz said this was for you.” Eyes serious, he placed his hands on Finn’s shoulders. “Go after her. I’ll make sure we can get off this planet.”</p>
<hr/><p>Standing thirty feet away from Kylo Ren stood Finn and Rey. Taking out his saber, he ignited it, the red light illuminating his face.</p><p>“We’re not done yet,” Kylo hissed, his eyes trained on Rey. He wasn’t done wanting her. Wasn’t done having her. She was <em>his</em> —his pleasure girl, his scavenger, his warm haven.</p><p><em>I need her</em>, Rey heard a whisper, but as quickly as it came it was gone. It sounded like Kylo, but the sweet words were in contrast with his furious eyes.</p><p>“You’re a monster!” The traitor called back, stepping in front of Rey. “I’m taking Rey back with me to the Resistance!”</p><p>Kylo didn’t see Rey’s look of confusion, too focused on the fact that all of a sudden the traitor was turning on a lightsaber —Darth Vader’s.</p><p>The jealousy inside was too much, rattled by all the emotions from the day.</p><p>“That lightsaber. It belongs to <em>me</em>!”</p><p>Finn braced himself, raising his blade and stepping a few steps away from Rey.</p><p>“Come get it.”</p><p>The battle was quick to end. Finn might’ve had the training of a trooper, but at the end of the day not only had his post been in sanitation, he’d never truly wielded a lightsaber during a fight. He held out all he could, but it was only a minute until he was knocked out by the leader of the Knights of Ren.</p><p>Finn fell.</p><p>The lightsaber did too.</p><p>Breathing hard from the thin air, staring at nothing, Kylo gestured towards the lightsaber that was his by birthright; it flew out of the snow much too quickly, and instead of landing within his palm —it sped past him and right into Rey’s.</p><p>She was facing him, just as shocked as he was. She couldn’t help igniting it, unable to contain the force within her, confirming Kylo’s suspicion that the scavenger was Force sensitive. </p><p>
  <em>I only came to say goodbye.</em>
</p><p>The rage he’d felt then fueled his lightsaber, and with a swing Kylo brought his blade down on Rey, who rose to meet him in a clash of colors.</p><p>Her form was… rough. Like someone who had the instincts of a Jedi but knew not what to do about them. Neither reacted at the explosion a few hundred yards away from them, instead taking the fight further away from the traitor —whether Rey had done that on purpose or by coincidence, it wasn’t something Kylo knew. Still, it incensed him.</p><p>Rey held out all she could, but she still wasn’t a match for Snoke’s apprentice. She was used to her staff, not a saber, and between the snow and his experience it was too much for her. She had no anger to fuel her into the offensive, instead focusing too much on guarding her vitals.</p><p>She fell down, the lightsaber still clutched tightly between her fingers, looking up at Kylo’s desperate features.</p><p>“You need a teacher,” Kylo panted, the exertion coming from fighting someone who would be a worthy opponent with little prompting. “Let <em>me</em> teach you.”</p><p>It was one of those moments that made or broke you, Rey knew, even as a chasm started opening between them and Finn. The planet was starting to fall apart, and Rey had to decide quickly which direction she wanted to go on.</p><p>Kylo had his gloved hand extended towards her, the fingers minimally trembling with apprehension.</p><p>He was pleading, something told her. His eyes, so tired and sad, did most of the talking. </p><p>Her breath hitched.</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
<hr/><p>“The fuel cells have been ruptured. The collapse of the planet has begun,” General Hux stated solemnly to Supreme Leader Snoke’s hologram. The creature was furious, resigned.</p><p>“Leave the base at once and come to me with Kylo Ren. It is time to complete his training.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And so The Force Awakens ends. </p><p>Before anyone complains that how come Rey didn't defeat Kylo --I always thought it was a huge mistake for her to basically defeat him in the first movie even though she had no Jedi training and he had like a decade of knowledge and practice. So there.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Pleasure Girl's Last Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author is so tired of sleeping.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think, tentatively, I might close this fic at thirty chapters max. For once I'm kind of storyboarding, which means I'm not lost in space trying to wing it. </p><p>Also, I realized I haven't been particularly kinky with these two, which saddens me, but I'm also kind of reluctant to make them kinky since I feel their needs are so vanilla, you know? Dunno, kind of feels like I've missed my chance for more kinks, but I'll see if I work one or two in (fair warning: no name calling or weird pet names for me, so don't get your hopes up for that). </p><p>See you Friday!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Tied to a string, indeed, General Hux. Well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp,” Snoke said, the smarmy quality to his tone never disappearing.</p><p>“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” General Hux smirked, throwing one last haughty look at Kylo Ren before leaving the throne room.</p><p>Snoke tapped his spidery fingers against his chair thoughtfully.</p><p>“You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? The cur’s weakness, properly manipulated… Can be a sharp tool. How’s your wound?”</p><p>Rey had nicked him on the side, back in Starkiller Base.</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>“Hmm. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you… I saw what all masters yearn to see. Raw, untamed power. And beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new <em>Vader</em>. Now I fear… I was mistaken.”</p><p>Kylo looked up at Snoke, his heart pounding.</p><p>Was he being questioned? Was he <em>not enough</em>, once more? Would he <em>ever</em> be, to anyone in this wide galaxy? <em>Yes</em>, a voice whispered, seeming to possess all the confidence he didn’t have.</p><p>“I’ve given everything I have to you. To the dark side,” Kylo said in anger, unable to believe that after everything he’d done he <em>still</em> hadn’t pleased his master. There would never be an end to this, would there? He’d cut out his heart and present it to his teacher, only to be told it wasn’t a big enough heart though it was the only one he had. “I even brought to you the Force-sensitive girl. I will train her, Supreme Leader, and she will please you.”</p><p>“Take that ridiculous thing off.”</p><p>Kylo took off his mask, letting his face be seen once more.</p><p>He was so much like his father, appearance-wise. Young, frightened, every bit the boy he’d never stopped being. Inside, he knew he didn’t have his heart or strength.</p><p>“Yes, there it is. You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.”</p><p>Kylo couldn’t deny it.</p><p>He never could.</p><p>“Skywalker lives. The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you’re no Vader. You’re just a child in a mask.” Snoke said, expression disgusted. “Train the girl. Make sure she is ready to fight your knights in four days.”</p><hr/><p>Kylo found Rey right where he’d left her in his room: sleeping and curled in a tight ball, her usual position.</p><p>His chambers within the Finalizer were smaller than before, but it mattered little to Kylo. His belongings were gone, ashed in the explosion. He was suddenly overcome with relief that Rey hadn’t obeyed him and had left his room, or else she would have been caught up in it all as well. He didn’t linger much on that thought —it would kill him.</p><p>He’d just finished placing his ruined helmet on a small table when Rey woke up with a start, sitting up quickly. At first she seemed disoriented, but when her gaze settled on him she lost some of the panic that radiated from her.</p><p>Her eyes softened when she saw his eyes.</p><p>Whatever she saw, he wasn’t sure.</p><p>“What did Snoke say?”</p><p>“He wants me to train you,” Kylo said hollowly, slipping off his cowl and his boots; he avoided meeting her gaze again, not wanting to feel pitied. “Probably wants you to join my knights.”</p><p>He ignored her frown, instead focusing on taking off his tunic and pants without flinching from pain. It had been a small wound inflicted on him, that was true, but his side still hurt.</p><p>He heard her gasp.</p><p>“You’re hurt!” Rey scrambled off the bed to run to his side, eyes trained on the wound in his left flank. Her hands hovered over it, wanting to touch but knowing she shouldn’t. “Did I do that?”</p><p>He avoided the question.</p><p>He was good at doing that.</p><p>“I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Biting down on her lower lip, Rey gazed up at him with the biggest, saddest hazel eyes he’d ever seen, reminding him of a newborn convor.</p><p>“<em>Please</em> call a med droid. That needs stitches.”</p><p>It turned out that Kylo Ren had a weakness for those eyes, and twenty minutes later he was all stitched up and good as new, Rey sighing in relief as she sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. It felt odd, knowing somehow that such a small gesture had made someone else happy for once; because he did know as much: her Force signature hummed with relief, and all because he’d decided not to die of an infection today.</p><p>“What else did Snoke say?” she asked quietly, not meeting his eyes when she felt his gaze on the side of her face. She seemed to be trying awfully hard not to give anything away, as if she was aware of how much of her heart she usually wore on her sleeve. “Your mask is… well, obliterated. I figured he said something else.”</p><p>“Why did you stay?” Kylo asked instead, far more curious about it than wanting to relive the cruel words spat by his master. He knew the only reason his punishment wouldn’t be near-death was that, while he’d failed to kill Han Solo, he’d let himself be swept away by another strong dark side emotion: jealousy. Had he stopped himself because of love, he wouldn’t be alive.</p><p>Had he stopped himself because of love, his failure would have been cemented in stone.</p><p>Rey blinked quickly, and realizing she wouldn’t have a reply to her question, answered his reluctantly.</p><p>“My plan was never to <em>leave</em>, Kylo.”</p><p>He scowled and scoffed, disbelievingly shaking his head from one side to the other.</p><p>“But you said—”</p><p>“I thought you were going to kill him,” Rey blurted out. “Han Solo. And I figured… you might not forgive yourself if you did.” She fidgeted, clasping her hands together. It was hard to meet his glare, despite not regretting her actions. She’d known from that moment on she’d do whatever she had to in order to save him from himself. </p><p>“That wasn’t your decision to make,” Kylo said harshly, furious. “It was—”</p><p>“You’re relieved, aren’t you?” Rey whispered, finally turning to meet his chocolate eyes. Her gaze was kind, almost fond of him, making the words of protest die in his throat. “That you weren’t given the chance.”</p><p>He didn’t answer.</p><p>Rey turned sideways and clasped his hands in hers as best as she could, given how much bigger his were than hers. His fingers were cold, as always; no matter. She’d make sure they grew warm. </p><p>“I don’t hate them,” Kylo finally whispered, eyes trailing down towards their hands; her long fingers were a feature he found quite attractive, and he’d be sure to tell her as much one day. “There was this trial I was meant to pass in Dagobah; I had to kill my parents, their projection I mean. But they called me Ben and begged me to stop, saying they loved me, and in the end I… couldn’t bring myself to do it. So I made it <em>seem</em> like I had and collapsed the training sight. I’m weak.”</p><p>Rey tightened her grip, long fingers working in her favor.</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” she said firmly. “Caring is not weak. Letting go of anger takes strength.” Hoping this was the right thing, Rey hesitantly untangled their hands. “There’s something I should give you.”</p><p>Kylo didn’t have enough time to miss her warmth because all of a sudden she was reaching into the nightstand on her side of the bed and pulling out a long box and a book.</p><p>Blushing, she placed them next to him.</p><p>“I recalled you saying you liked calligraphy, so I saved your set. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be going back to your old chambers.”</p><p>She’d taken another book —one that came from the forbidden upper shelf— but this she kept to herself for the time being.</p><p>For a moment, Kylo felt speechless. He just kept looking at the thin box in her hands, immensely grateful for her scavenging ways.</p><p>When he glanced up, he saw she wore a small smile.</p><p>“So you really weren’t leaving me,” Kylo muttered, and her grin widened minimally, eyes seeming to grow even more gentle than before.</p><p>“And go where?” Rey asked softly, as if the concept of going back where she came from was preposterous. “I come from nothing, Kylo. I’m <em>nothing</em>.”</p><p>He cupped her cheek gently, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against hers.</p><p>“Not to me.”</p><p>He didn’t say that, at times, he’d also felt the same way. His family’s legacy had been built on a lie; the Solo name was fake, a made-up name, and almost no one knew that the Chosen One was also Darth Vader. It was always convenient to leave out how the villain became a hero. </p><p>“Will I continue to be your pleasure girl?” Rey suddenly asked, pulling back and opening her eyes. It took him a beat longer to respond in kind, his gaze unfocused when he did.</p><p>He couldn’t tell from her gaze what answer she wanted, so he went for the truth.</p><p>He wouldn’t lie to her.</p><p>“I’d like you to be,” he finally said. “But you don’t have to. I’ll get you a new room if you don’t want it.”</p><p>Rey swallowed heavily.</p><p>“What if… I don’t want to be, but I want to remain in your chamber?”</p><p>It was then that Kylo was able to name the feeling that had lingered within his heart ever since he’d first seen her: <em>compassion</em>. He felt like they were cut from the same cloth, two lonely souls too needy to be apart. She wasn’t cut out for the pleasure girl life anyway, he knew; she hadn’t chosen this life out of desire, and her talents were much more geared towards other things. She was a scavenger, a mechanic, a future fighter, a Force-wielder, but a pleasure girl fell short of the list.</p><p>A part of him, and he’d probably never admit this, felt hurt over the fact that she didn’t want to be with him like that anymore —but the same side was soothed over by the knowledge that she wasn’t escaping him just yet.</p><p>Still, he was selfish.</p><p>“Very well. However, tonight you are still my pleasure girl.”</p><p>Rey’s heart suddenly jumped into her throat.</p><p>“Will you… acquire a new one?”</p><p><em>Will you want someone else? Will you replace me? Am I dispensable? Was I, the virgin pleasure girl, ever enough? </em>Rey asked none of these questions.</p><p>Kylo cleared his throat.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>
  <em>You are all I need.</em>
</p><p>This time, when he undressed her, he took his time. He didn’t know if this was the last time he’d ever get to touch her, but it was a compromise he had to make; Snoke would know that Rey had been the disturbance in the Force they’d felt, and Kylo simply couldn’t leave her unprotected. She was…</p><p>Well, he cared for her.</p><p>Working to empty his mind, unable or unwilling to follow his last thought, he latched his mouth onto her right nipple as his fingers found her clit, the place between her legs already wet and ready to take him. Groaning, he licked his way down to her cunt, coaxing a soft orgasm from her with two fingers deep inside her and his mouth on her navel. He licked her up after that, rejoicing in the feeling of her hands clasping onto his ears.</p><p>“Maker!” she gasped, her back arching sweetly and her shout knocking around in his head. It was one of the things he liked best about Rey; she was responsive, always so sensitive to the slightest coaxing from him. Satisfied with her orgasm, he switched their spots.</p><p>This time, he let her ride him, watching as she sunk down on him agonizingly slow. He wanted to see her bouncing up and down on his cock, and the reality was that Rey was a vision when she let herself just <em>feel</em>. In bed, she surrendered herself to him completely —as if it was the one time in her life where she did not care for giving up control. It made sense; this was the one place where Kylo had a real say in things, and the one where Rey could let herself not think.</p><p>“<em>Deeper</em>,” she gasped, arching her back as she let his hips snap up to meet hers swiftly. He could see his cock’s shape just underneath her bellybutton, possible only because of a life unnourished. She’d gained weight, but quite little in the time since she’d come to be his. There was an image that flashed across his mind, unbidden —Rey, round with his child, bouncing up and down as she was now. It was gone as quickly as it arrived, but it was enough to make Kylo sit up and catch one of her tits in his mouth, his hand finding its home where they were joined so he could feel himself drill into her.</p><p>“You feel perfect,” Kylo couldn’t help himself from saying, moaning when Rey’s fingers found their way to his hair and tugged just right. She loved his hair, he knew; her hands always found their way to it, and he was all too happy whenever they did. </p><p>“<em>Kylo</em>,” Rey whimpered, her walls tightening around him wonderfully. He never wanted this to end. She was tight, warm, wet, home, happiness, safety, strength, intelligence, wit, beauty, <em>his</em>.</p><p>Unfortunately, all good things did.</p><p>With a grunt, Kylo found himself emptying his balls inside of Rey, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as he buried his nose against her breasts. He felt as every stream of his seed landed inside, and the foolish part of him he’d never managed to thwart wondered if it was possible for him to impregnate her despite all the contraceptives burning through their bodies. </p><p>“Stay like this,” Kylo thought he said, but he wasn’t all that sure he did in the end. It didn’t matter; Rey kept her arms wound tightly around his neck, a hand in his hair and the other stroking his ear.</p><p>“You’ll always be safe with me, Ben,” Kylo thought he heard Rey said, but he couldn’t have been sure. When he pulled back, he found her breathing steady, asleep. Perhaps he imagined it.</p><p>He tucked the covers around them and slipped into a fitful dream.</p><hr/><p>So many Resistance leaders were gone.</p><p>Debris floated amid the stars.</p><p>Meanwhile, General Leia Organa-Solo fought for her life.</p><hr/><p>In a galaxy far, far away, Han Solo and Chewbacca set off with the newly pieced-together map, aiming to find the last Jedi.</p><p>The fate of the universe rested on their shoulders, one last time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>P.S. I just want to commiserate. So, you know that new-ish Netflix movie called something like 365 days? I haven't watched it, but I did see Youtuber Alex Meyers's movie review, and he pointed out how creepy and repetitive it was that the MC kept calling the woman Baby girl from the first moment they meet. Ever since then, I cringe whenever I see it in fanfic. So, if your significant other calls you this... I mean, you do you but I can't help but think of that review every time I read it. </p><p>Sorry for the rant lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Feel the Force</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author updates a day early. Again.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's great I always triple check my chapters because I just found I'd accidentally written piece instead of peace and I never would've forgiven myself if I'd let y'all see that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Feel the Force.”</p><p>It was no longer a foggy concept, once Rey set her mind to it. She <em>could</em> feel it: the balance of life and death, blooming and decay, growth and stunt, war and peace, void and full.</p><p>They were in the middle of the training room, the knights having been delegated towards another wing within the <em>Finalizer</em>. Far away from Rey, curiously enough.</p><p>Here, within the comfort of their isolation, Kylo had shed his cowl and (ruined) mask, wearing instead simple black pants and a tunic. Rey dressed similarly, though she’d solicited earth-toned clothes and her armbands in order to feel some familiarity. She’d never liked dark colors, having found little use for them in the desert.</p><p>Kylo sat in front of her, legs crossed and back straight. His hair was immaculate as always, hair falling in soft waves around his face and wide lips pressed together lightly. </p><p>“Do you feel it?” Kylo asked, and his voice was incredibly soothing in the privacy they currently shared. It sent a shiver down her spine. </p><p>“Yes,” Rey said, eyes opening. Kylo was staring straight at her.</p><p>“Inside you is the same energy,” he said, and Rey found it to be true, once she could reach inside of her. “We are one with the Force. That is why you must not fear death, Rey. We do not <em>die</em>,” Kylo said, as if the concept was beneath him.</p><p>Rey’s eyes fell shut on their own.</p><p>“I feel a… balance. There is light, but also darkness. It’s calling to me.”</p><p><em>Am I making a mistake?</em> Kylo asked himself, even as he watched the energy within Rey shift towards the dark side. He hoped he wasn’t; he could tell she was a force to be reckoned with, and he’d be proud to nurture her powers. He only hoped he would be strong enough to teach her how to contain it.</p><p>“Use it fearlessly,” Kylo commanded, pulling his shoulders back. “It’s offering you something you need. Don’t cower from it.”</p><p>With a frown, Rey’s eyes opened, making the dark recede. She was suddenly <em>here</em> again, far from the shadows that had called to her.</p><p>“What was that?” Rey asked quietly, laying her trusting gaze on Kylo Ren. He looked solemn, and while this wasn’t an odd look to him, there was something else to it. A sadness, as if he pitied her for the journey ahead. She didn’t like it one bit. </p><p>“It’s your raw strength, Rey. You’re powerful. My… My uncle feared it, tried to make me lock it away. With me, you never have to. Your power is beautiful,” Kylo said, and without waiting for her to reply he was suddenly up on his feet. “Let us fight.”</p><p>Bewildered, Rey looked up at the lightsaber at his hip. Was she expected to wield <em>that</em> on her first day of training? He saw her look, and he his lips tilted up in a small smirk.</p><p>“You’d be able to handle it,” Kylo assured, but nonetheless motioned towards the wooden swords propped up against the wall. “But today, we’ll focus on theory as we practice, and I wouldn’t want you to accidentally slice my face in half.”</p><p>As Kylo walked towards the practice swords, Rey couldn’t help but wish his tunic was a little shorter. She was starting to miss his tight butt, and she’d seen it less than twelve hours ago.</p><p>“You are always struggling for you life,” Kylo said, grabbing both swords in his right hand. With his back still turned to her, he heard as she stood up and stretched. “The principles are pretty similar to any fight. Move your feet, feint, dodge and pause when you have to. Like any other weapon, you must know your lightsaber.”</p><p>So fast Rey almost didn’t see him move, Kylo had turned around and sent one of the swords flying in her direction. She caught it in the air as though she’d been doing it all her life, and before she could protest him nearly poking out her eye, he continued speaking as he relaxed his posture.</p><p>“Always be aware of your surroundings, Rey. Don’t swing aimlessly; restraint is appropriate at times, but it can kill you if you’re too careful,” Kylo walked towards her calmly, and Rey couldn’t help but notice how graceful he was. She wondered if this was because of his mother’s doing; she was aware that the smuggler Han Solo had married a princess, and it wasn’t far-fetched to think she instilled the same manners in her son. “There are other things you can block a lightsaber with; ultachrome and Cortosis can block them, and they can’t function underwater. Be quick on your feet.”</p><p>Kylo wasn’t done talking when he was suddenly swinging his sword down on Rey, who moved to block it almost a second too late. The force of wood clashing together made her teeth rattle, and she locked her jaw in determination. Satisfied, Kylo relented.</p><p>“A lightsaber is not the same as a staff. It’s good you know it, since it means you’re not a novice when it comes to combat, but it’s not the <em>same</em>,” he explained; he’d seen in her memories, briefly, the usage of said staff when fighting off thieves.</p><p>He swung his sword down on her right side, and again, she caught it before it could touch her.</p><p>“Good, Rey. That’s the Force making your reflexes faster, giving you that <em>feeling</em> like you know what will happen,” Kylo said, even as he dropped and swept her off her feet. “It’s not perfect, which is why we must practice.”</p><p>They spent two hours like that —swinging and dodging, dropping and nearly flying. Kylo particularly enjoyed it when Rey moved first, when she gritted her teeth after a failed attack. It was obvious they would grow to be evenly matched; Kylo had the raw power, while Rey had sharp instincts and practice with fighting to survive. Teaching her would be satisfying, he knew.</p><p>As they replenished themselves with water, both sitting back against a metal wall, Kylo continued his explanations.</p><p>“There are seven forms when fighting with a lighstaber,” he said, closing his eyes and resting his head back. He could feel Rey’s eyes on him, and it pleased something that felt lodged between his throat and his stomach. “The first one is Chii-Cho, the first one created. Useless for attacking, but the first you must learn to defend yourself. Second is called Makashi, suited for disarming without killing.”</p><p>He took another swig of his water, grateful that it was only him and Rey. The rage that usually accompanied battle training was suspiciously dormant, and it was something he didn’t want to think about too deeply for fear he knew the answer. It wasn’t gone —it was never gone— but he lacked the desire to <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>“Soresu,” Kylo said, his lips tilting downward in displeasure. This was Luke Skywalker’s preferred form. “Is for deflecting endlessly, like a coward. Fourth is Ataru, which is good for when you want to take advantage of open spaces and use the Force as a boost. Then comes Djem So, which is mostly used for combat at a distance and using your opponent’s attacks against them. Obviously, this is the one I rely on the most. Niman is a combination of forms, and the last is called Juyo. This one is the most aggressive by far, and not one I particularly recommend. It is easy to fuel it with the dark side and lose control.”</p><p>Rey had nodded along, and when he finished his speech she made the most logical follow-up question.</p><p>“So, which will you teach me?”</p><p>Kylo opened his eyes, a glint of excitement in them she didn’t like.</p><p>“All of them.”</p><hr/><p>Han Solo always wondered how he kept being relied on for ending wars when all he had was a ship and his copilot.</p><p>Still, before that Captain Phantom or whatever had shot his wife’s ship into pieces and had left her in recovery (he still thanked the Maker for that, uncertain of how he would have handled losing her), he was tasked by said wife to find Luke and convince him to join the Resistance.</p><p>By the time they landed in the mysterious island of Ach-To, Han was antsy to go back home (a first) and Chewie was about to throw his oldest friend into the water if he was asked one more time if he thought Leia was doing ok.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, when Han reached the top of the island (his lungs were definitely <em>not</em> what they used to be) he found his brother-in-law brooding and looking out towards the waves crashing against the rocks.</p><p>“Luke.”</p><p>The man turned.</p><p>It was startling for Han seeing the boy who’d once been so full of hope and promise looking downtrodden and old; his beard was full and his previously golden locks were gray and in disarray. He hadn’t seen Luke since… well, since he’d sent him a broken boy and received a stranger for a son.</p><p>“Han?” Luke’s clear blue eyes widened, something that Han found particularly odd. As far as he knew, the Jedi should’ve been able to sense him arrive at the island. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Shrugging, the old smuggler stuck his hands in his pockets.</p><p>“Whatever the Princess wants, she gets,” he tried cracking a smile, but he couldn’t finish making it out as worried as he was for his wife. <em>Oh, to hell with pleasantries.</em> “We need you. No, <em>the Resistance </em>needs Luke Skywalker. My… Snoke only keeps getting stronger, and within weeks the First Order will control all major systems. Help us.”</p><p>The old farmer’s lips pressed into a thin line, his eyes growing hard all of a sudden.</p><p>“You don’t need Luke Skywalker,” he said with a self-deprecating tone, finishing turning his body around to face Han. “You think, what? That I’m gonna walk out with my lightsaber and face down the whole First Order? I came to the most unfindable place in the galaxy for a <em>reason</em>, Han.”</p><p>This time, it was Han who couldn’t help biting back.</p><p>Not that he would have tried helping himself, anyway. </p><p>“Oh, a reason? You mean you aren’t just hiding out here like a coward, farm boy?” Han sneered, taking a step closer towards his old friend. “You know, your sister is a very forgiving person. Won’t say anything bad about you even now. But you and I both know you’ve got <em>quite</em> a few messes to clean up pal, and you might as well start now.” </p><p>Defensive, though unworthy of feeling this way, Luke narrowed his eyes right back.</p><p>“Ben turning to the dark side wasn’t my fault, Han. <em>I</em> wasn’t the one gallivanting around the galaxy instead of spending time with my family. Maybe if you’d have been around to keep Ben at home he would still be with us.”</p><p>How was it that they were suddenly fighting about this, so many years after the fact?</p><p>Worse still, Han had never been strong enough to hold back.</p><p>“We trusted you with our <em>son</em>, Luke! <em>You’re</em> the legend, the almighty hero who should’ve tried harder for his <em>nephew</em>. Leia and I had no clue what to do, and you should’ve just been honest and told us neither did <em>you</em>.”</p><p>The words hit too close to home, and Luke lost the misplaced anger that had been building all too quickly, like a hot balloon deflating; he saw it in Han’s eyes, how he was still grieving the loss of his son all these years later.</p><p>“I failed him,” Luke finally admitted. “I saw darkness; I’d sensed it building in him during his training. But then I looked inside… and it was beyond what I had ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring the end of everything I love in the future. And for the briefest moment of pure instinct…” Luke swallowed hard, his eyes flickering to a point right over Han’s shoulder. He’d never admitted this part out loud, and it had been eating at him for six years. “I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow, but I was left with the shame and the consequences. The last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose master had failed him.”</p><p>Han was a lot of things, but dumb wasn’t one of them. It took him little time to figure out what his brother-in-law was telling him, and it made his feet feel like lead and his stomach churn to throw up the last of the food portions. He <em>had</em> to be misunderstanding something.</p><p>“You… tried to kill <em>my son</em>?” Mouth dry, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Leia would forgive him if he murdered her twin right here and now, once he explained how the man tried touching a hair on their precious son’s head.</p><p>Luke said nothing.</p><p>Disgusted at the lies and his actions, Han suddenly stood straighter. He couldn’t let himself be ruled by his anger, and it wasn’t <em>him</em> who needed an apology. He had little space for the righteousness, too, since Luke wasn’t far off in his accusation that his absence had been a contributing factor towards his son’s fall. Still, the peace of the galaxy was bigger than all of them, and they’d need to set aside their differences at another time.</p><p>He couldn’t help himself from doing one thing, though: he punched his brother-in-law in the jaw so hard the old Jedi fell on his ass, clutching his face with a surprised face. Seriously? Luke had tried killing the one person Han loved most in the universe, and he didn’t even expect a fucking <em>punch</em>?</p><p>“Ben deserved better than you, Luke. Better than <em>us</em>. No wonder we fucked him up,” Han said, shaking his head and his throbbing hand in tandem. “Do the right thing and take responsibility for your actions. Help us stop Ben, so we might have a chance to hug him again.”</p><p>He saw the Jedi’s robes flow in the harsh wind, whatever wasn’t trampled on by his ass anyway, and he shook his head once more, ready to head back.</p><p>“Chewie and I brought the Falcon. We leave at the break of dawn in two days, should you wish to accompany us. See you around, farm boy."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I'd always wanted to punch Luke. Hope you did too. </p><p>I can't really find anywhere whether Han and/or Leia knew that Luke had been such a dick, so I'm just rolling with what feels right. What do y'all think? Did Leia know her twin tried killing baby Ben?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The Road Taken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author loses her mind and posts another chapter.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not that Kylo was a bad teacher.</p>
<p>He wasn’t. In fact, he was quite good. He had a patience for Rey that she was confident he had for no one else, his explanations were easy to understand and he made sure to only ask her for what she was ready to give.</p>
<p>He was just… so <em>energetic</em>.</p>
<p>Angry was another way of putting it, but the truth was that Rey was starting to see what he meant by using the dark side to fuel your power. She could sense how they tapped into different sources to reach the same results; she had anger too, but it was much calmer and willing to recede towards the back of her head with little prompting. There was passion inside of her too, but it made her burn instead of crash. She thought this was because, when faced with Kylo’s anger, her own seemed small. Any time her ire would start to feed off of Kylo’s she’d feel a river of iced water run through her veins, and the dark tendrils would recede back where they’d come from. </p>
<p>It was hard, facing off against Kylo’s blazing fire. Ever since they’d reached Soresu he’d begun swinging wider, less tactfully, with a lot more force than with the previous forms. Rey was tired, and hungry, and she just wanted to sleep a little longer. It was incredible how much ground they’d covered in just one day, but her muscles were growing sore with exertion.</p>
<p>“Kylo, time out,” Rey heaved out, and as if to emphasize her point, her legs gave out.</p>
<p>She would’ve fallen too, had Kylo not reached a muscled arm out to steady her.</p>
<p>Looking down at her haggard face, Kylo realized that he was quite tired as well. They’d been up training since dawn, and it was nearly midnight already. This was Rey’s limit on her first day of Force training; who knew how far she’d go with some more endurance and practice built in.</p>
<p>“We should rest,” Kylo finally muttered, a wide palm cupping the back of her neck. She’d thrown her hair back into the three-bun hairstyle —not for her usual reasons, but because she sustained that it was the most effective hairdo she knew to keep strands out of your face.</p>
<p>She looked adorable, Kylo thought.</p>
<p>“Finally!” Rey gasped out, walking as fast as she could towards her coat (the morning had been chilly as always), grabbed it and hobbled back towards Kylo, who was still looking at her go.</p>
<p>His lip twitched.</p>
<p>“Are you <em>mocking</em> me?” Rey gasped in fake outrage, blinking when in reply Kylo’s mouth tilted upwards further. It wasn’t a smile by any means, hardly even classified as a spasm really, but it lit up his eyes.</p>
<p>It made her heart pound and a huge megawatt grin made its way to her face —the first one since she’d arrived at the First Order. Kylo had seen her smile before but… not like this.</p>
<p>She laughed, and it was then that he knew.</p>
<p>Kylo didn’t feel <em>pity</em> for the scavenger of Jakku.</p>
<p>It wasn’t compassion that had led him to protect her from Snoke.</p>
<p>It was genuine and all-consuming want.</p>
<p>Kylo Ren wanted her: body, soul, heart, Force.</p>
<p>But he wanted it freely given, not taken.</p>
<hr/>
<p>That very same night, Luke stood in front of the old tree. It held the sacred books of the Jedi, but it was all useless —the old religion kept failing, and so it was time to let the past die.</p>
<p>He was surprised when his old acquaintance manifested next to him, but it wasn’t as shocking as he would have found it in his youth.</p>
<p>“Master Yoda.”</p>
<p>“Young Skywalker,” the ghost appeared to smile, but his image was too grainy to Luke’s worn eyes. His master was still old, still small, still far wiser than he could ever hope to be.</p>
<p>“I’m ending all of this. The tree, the text, the Jedi. I’m going to burn it down,” Luke said resolutely with a confidence he did not feel. He still felt like that young, dumb farm boy who had too much optimism despite his ignorance —only life had weathered him, shaped him into a cynical man stuck on a past when all he’d ever wanted was to be the hope everyone needed.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Master Yoda cackled, shaking his head lightly. “Ah Skywalker, missed you, have I.”</p>
<p>Suspicious about the acceptance, Luke narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>“So it <em>is</em> time for the Jedi Order to end.”</p>
<p>Sometimes, Luke wished that masters didn’t speak in so many riddles, himself included.</p>
<p>“Time it is. For you to look at a pile of old books, hmm?”</p>
<p>And then the tree was on fire before Luke could so much as blink; his jaw dropped, and when he turned he saw Master Yoda had a mischievous look in his eye.</p>
<p>“The sacred Jedi texts!”</p>
<p>“Oh, read them, have you?”</p>
<p>He sputtered for a reply.</p>
<p>“Well, I…” Luke tried not to, but he couldn’t help trying to get in the last word. “…I’ve <em>thumbed</em> through them.”</p>
<p>“Page-turners they were not,” Master Yoda interrupted before his last apprentice could make a fool of himself. “Yes, yes. Wisdom they held, but that library contained nothing the last Jedi do not already possess. Skywalker, still looking to the horizon. Never <em>here</em>, now, hmm?” Still with good humor, Master Yoda poked at Luke with his walking stick. That shit <em>still</em> hurt. “The need in front of your nose.”</p>
<p>So, even <em>he</em> thought Luke was a failure.</p>
<p>“I was weak. Unwise.”</p>
<p>“Lost Ben Solo, you did. Lose Rey, we must not,” Master Yoda said, and this time Luke really did feel at a loss. Who? Thankfully, his master appeared to understand his predicament, and for once wasted no time with enigmatic answers. “Last Jedi master, she will be. Her current Master, Kylo Ren is. Strong she is, and a new kind of Jedi. Find her you must.”</p>
<p><em>Kylo Ren</em> had taken in an apprentice?</p>
<p>“What do you mean, a new kind of Jedi?”</p>
<p>Master Yoda smiled.</p>
<p>“Kinder. Stronger. Willing to learn. Powerful. Strong with the light side, but there is darkness inside. Her affiliation time will tell,” Master Yoda pressed his lips together and looked up at Luke, making sure he caught his eye for his last words. “Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, and failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. <em>That</em> is the true burden of all masters.”</p>
<p>Together, they watched the last vestiges of the Jedi religion burn.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Kylo showered first, and then Rey followed.</p>
<p>It was beyond weird, waiting for Kylo to come out and knowing he wouldn’t be expecting sex from her. Truth was she’d… well, she’d liked it. With him.</p>
<p>She could never tell.</p>
<p>Rey wasn’t ashamed of <em>liking</em> sex —it was normal as far as she knew, to fall victim to your baser instincts. In the dessert, shame was an unknown concept; it had little utility for scavengers, who often had to resort to questionable methods for survival. Rey hadn’t, but she’d heard as much from people (and droids) over the years.</p>
<p>So while she wasn’t ashamed of liking sex, she <em>was</em> of liking it with Kylo Ren. The Resistance fighter’s words kept running through her head when she least expected it: <em>“Rey, you </em>cannot<em> be that blind. That man is evil personified. He’s </em>Darth Vader’s<em> successor.”</em> At times, she’d wonder what Finn would think, that boy who’d had people come back for him. Maybe if she was more like him, someone would have come back for her.</p>
<p><em>Your parents are dead</em>, Rey reminded herself. It was a tough habit to break, she knew; she’d lived so long hoping and waiting, only to have her dreams unceremoniously crushed. A big part of her had locked the information away, unwilling to unpack and make sense of it.</p>
<p>By the time Rey and Kylo had switched showering and she was slipping back in bed, she could feel him almost vibrating with pent up energy. Instead of facing away from him, like she always did, she curled up into a ball while looking at his profile.</p>
<p>“Is your uncle Luke Skywalker?” Rey broke the silence, nearly flinching when he threw her a cold glare. “You just <em>really</em> hate him, and when you told me about yourself you spoke of the uncle who’d tried to kill you. It seems to me like the only person you could hate that way is him, so…”</p>
<p>Lips pressed tightly together, Kylo gave one sharp nod.</p>
<p>Her mouth parted, information running through her brain quickly.</p>
<p>“Wait, so if Luke is your uncle… Then Anakin Skywalker was your grandfather?” She seemed to curl further up into herself, suddenly cold. “Darth Vader.”</p>
<p>Years ago, the news had rocked the galaxy that Darth Vader was the father of some famous senator; apparently, an opponent revealed unceremoniously that the Rebellion hero and her brother, <em>the</em> Luke Skywalker, were Darth Vader’s children. A confusing matter for her younger self, given that people still talked of Anakin Skywalker’s redemption and Vader’s fate as a villain. She’d thought for a while these were two different people, but whenever she’d asked no one had been able to answer. Most people were content to separate the two figures, unable to understand the shades of gray that painted everyday life.</p>
<p>“Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One of the Force. He married the old queen of Naboo, Padmé Amidala, and when she died he gave up his children. Luke Skywalker went on to become a Jedi legend. My mother was adopted by Senator Bail and Queen Breha Organa from Alderaan, making her a Princess, a war hero and a senator.” Face impossible to read, Kylo locked eyes with Rey. “I’ve always had too much to live up to, scavenger. Big names, absent people.” </p>
<p>“Is that why you made a new name for yourself?” Rey’s fingers itched to close the space between them, but she wasn’t sure she’d be well-received. So she didn’t, keeping her hands to herself. “So you’d forge your own way.”</p>
<p>Kylo nodded, pleased that she seemed to understand him.</p>
<p>Rey yawned, exhaustion suddenly taking her under, but not before she threw out one last question.</p>
<p>“Then why follow the path made by Snoke?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've got nothing to say for once. Have a great weekend everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Memory Lane</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author has been so unproductive this morning.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“In darkness, cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In light, cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The old sun brings no heat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But there is heat in breath and life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In life, there is Force.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the Force, there is life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the Force is eternal.”</em>
  
</p><p>—Sunset Prayer of the Guardians of the Whills</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be afraid of who you are.”</p><p>It felt a little like Kylo was a broken record, but Rey didn’t feel like he realized. He was content to fall back on mantras, she’d realized, going over a phrase over and over like it gave him comfort and power.</p><p>This particular one had made her frown without meaning to, making him rush to elaborate.</p><p>“The dark side is in our nature, Rey. Surrender to it.” </p><p>
  <em>In their nature?</em>
</p><p>Opening her eyes, Rey saw that Kylo was sitting cross legged with his back as straight as always. His hair was impeccable, though hers was a rat’s nest by now.</p><p>“Must I?” Rey mused, watching as his eyes snapped open into a glare. “Surrender is not in <em>my</em> nature.”</p><p>Kylo’s lip quirked up.</p><p>“Neither is it in mine, truth be told,” he mused out loud. Kylo shrugged. “Still, it is the way of the Force. Light or dark, one must submit.”</p><p>They’d see about that, Rey pondered to herself. She’d only ever known <em>her</em> way, and she intended on following it. Even now, having come so far after having been meant as a thing to be used for the future Supreme Leader, she’d never felt as though her will had been bent. She had stayed, unerringly, herself.</p><p>“I must go check in on my knights. I will be back soon, so keep practicing your footing,” Kylo sighed, standing up. As he stepped past her, Rey tugged on his pant leg to stop him; she looked up with a pensive face, and he wondered again if he deserved such clear eyes to train on him without judgement.</p><p>“I think you’re right, that we have a similar nature. Neither dark nor light. Perhaps we should embrace the neutrality instead,” Rey said, ending with a small shrug to lift some of the heaviness from the air. “Good luck with the knights.”</p><hr/><p>Luck, it turned out, wasn’t what Kylo Ren needed.</p><p>It was <em>patience</em>. </p><p>“Cardo, you piece of shit, <em>move</em>,” he wanted to say, but was held back by his sense of duty to be a decent master. Cardo and Trudgen were in particular rough shape today, while Ap’lek, Kuruk and Ushar were decently prepared. Vicrul, that sadist, even managed to get a nick in with his vibro-scythe through fowl play, but he still bowed out of training way too quickly.</p><p>“Trudgen, your turn,” Kylo snapped, and immediately his knight step forward, brandishing his vibrocleaver. “<em>Fight</em>.”</p><p>There was no fanfare when it came to how he taught his knights —no lesson to be learned other than maim and kill.</p><p>As Kylo dodged a large swing (too wide, really, Kylo would have to yell at Trudgen over it later), he felt his anger magnified, probably thanks to Vicrul’s presence in the room. And even though he felt it as it grew more and more out of control, Kylo reveled in giving into his emotions and just fighting. He was relinquishing everything he had to the dark side, giving up reign over his feelings and just letting it be. </p><p>He thought about Rey’s words two nights prior, moments before she fell asleep; how they had shaken him into wakefulness, unable to sleep until a couple of hours till his alarm went off. <em>Then why follow the path made by Snoke?</em> Such words, said so sleepily, had rattled him far more than anything else Rey had ever said. It was true; he’d spent a lifetime running away from the legacy set forth by his family, only to fall into the shadows set by the name Ren and the path chosen for him by the Supreme Leader. He’d only chosen a new master, a new legacy to uphold.</p><p>Perhaps he wasn’t as independent as he’d thought; maybe, there was still a shadow he walked in.</p><p>Amid the turmoil inside, it was as if the anger was sucked out of the room.</p><p>Rey was here.</p><p>Kylo wasn’t sure how he knew, but he felt her presence in his very soul. Snapping his eyes up, he locked his gaze on the scavenger; she looked as startled as he felt, hands gripping the training sword as though her life depended on it.</p><p><em>Are you doing this?</em> Kylo pushed into her mind, and seeing her expression, he shook his head minimally to himself. <em>No, you’re not. The effort would kill you.</em></p><p>She was only just starting her Force training; even projecting two feet was hard work in the beginning.</p><p>
  <em>Can anyone else see me? I only see you.</em>
  
</p><p>The words were very faint, almost an echo in comparison to his clear question, but it was understandable.</p><p>Minimally, he shook his head no.</p><p>
  <em>The knights aren’t that strong with the Force.</em>
</p><p>Anger gone, Kylo pushed Trudgen back.</p><p>“That’s enough for today,” he said out loud, and when he looked up, he saw that Rey was gone, taking the stillness from the air with her.</p><p>It took him two minutes to chew out his knights one final time and then move across the spaceship and back to the training room, where Rey seemed to be pacing from one corner to the other.</p><p>“What was <em>that</em>?” Rey asked the moment she caught sight of him, but Kylo had no real answer either. Only guesses. </p><p>“It seems like a Force bond,” Kylo said, coming to a stop in front of her. He was still sweating from the duel, breathing hard, and Rey even smelled good. He felt frumpy next to her.</p><p>“What?” Rey frowned, lowering the practice sword she’d been holding up in a death grip.</p><p>“They’re rare, but I’ve heard of them before,” Kylo shrugged, unable to explain much more than this. “I’m not sure how it happened.”</p><p>Nearly chewing through her bottom lip, Rey took up pacing again.</p><p>“I <em>heard</em> you in my mind,” Rey said, going over to one of the walls and laying her sword against it. “But it didn’t hurt, like what you’d done before. And <em>I</em> did it, too.”</p><p>“I wonder if…” Kylo wondered to himself, and glancing up at her tense shoulders, he pressed his lips together. “Rey, will you let me show you something?”</p><p>She blinked.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“My past,” he said simply.</p><p>They walked towards each other until they met in the center of the room.</p><p>He had almost a full head on her, and he was twice her size; still, they felt like equals, a belief which resonated within the two Force sensitives.</p><p>“Will you trust me?” Kylo asked quietly, extending a hand with his eyes downcast. Swallowing hard, instead of answering she let her palm be engulfed in his.</p><p>One after another, scenes bombarded her mind that she wasn’t even sure she was meant to see. They felt too intimate, too guarded and even forgotten to have been intentional.</p><p>The images were disorganized.</p><p>It was meant to be a painless journey —but the two of them felt too clearly the echoes of hurt within each other. They had no choice but to live through the memories that had once been private, now shared. </p><hr/><p>A baby boy having trouble falling asleep.</p><p>.</p><p><em>Moray and Faz</em>, an old holoshow playing in the background as Leia Organa and Han Solo fought over their son’s uncontrollable powers.</p><p>.</p><p>A dark voice, terrifying and comforting, warning and confiding. One of the few constants in his life.</p><p>.</p><p>“I’m glad you came along, Ben.”</p><p>“Yes, Master Skywalker. So am I.”</p><p>.</p><p>A boy bidding adieu to his parents, the mighty Millennium Falcon flying off from Yavin 4 without a moment’s hesitation. A feeling, like he was truly alone now.</p><p>.</p><p>A Quarren Jedi (Hennix, a voice whispered fondly) making a young Ben Solo let out a brief, surprised laugh; a bald and blue-eyed human boy, Tai, telling him that he didn’t have to be anyone other than himself. A white-haired girl called Voe whose pretty features were set into a twisted, jealous scowl.</p><p>.</p><p>A feeling —that Skywalker was holding him back. An answer —that he was only seen as a child, so it was up to him to show his true potential.</p><p>.</p><p>Tai, telling Ben that it’s not too late to turn back. The knight Ren, snapping Tai’s neck and shattering the last of Ben’s sanity. Running through the knight’s chest with Tai’s lightsaber at the same time as he unleashed Force lightning. Turning to Voe, who is amazed, and telling her she will never be a Jedi… then running through her with the lightsaber as well.</p><p>.</p><p>Two golden dice dangling from small fingers.</p><p>.</p><p>The flash of a lightsaber, and an old bearded man staring down at his nephew. Ben collapsing the hut in self-defense, believing he’d killed the last Jedi with guilt and horror and anger and pain all swirling in his heart. Lightning setting the temple on fire, then being knocked back by an explosion.</p><p>.</p><p>Ben asking to be let go, but being followed by the angry girl —who called him a traitor and a murderer, causing his fury to boil over and his power to send her over a cliff… Only to catch himself in the act and hold her in midair. The Quarren, once so friendly and now certain his old friend had killed the girl, calling Ben a monster and throwing his lightsaber at the young defector —only to break Solo’s concentration and making him drop Voe as he deflected the weapon —saving Voe, but accidentally killing Hennix with the lightsaber.</p><p>.</p><p>A warm, furry hug.</p><p>.</p><p>An acceptance —that if he’d never be good enough, at least he’d be bad enough.</p><hr/><p>Meanwhile, Kylo had to go through Rey’s own memories, which were much sparser, shorter and filled with sand. No, not sparser —people tended to forget that which was monotonous, and that was the word that had described much of Rey’s life on Jakku: an endless horizon of sand and wind, hunger and heat, sadness and longing. It was no wonder that whatever memories she’d held on to were so swathed in feelings and a desire to never be forgotten.</p><p>Where his life had been filled with emptiness, hers had been a series of echoes whose source she could never find.</p><p>It was odd, then, that despite the overwhelming sadness linked to almost every memory, it didn’t feel like they were filed away as bitter remembrances. They just <em>were</em>, and if they had to be something else, they were bittersweet.</p><hr/><p>A ten year old girl with a Rebel Alliance flight helmet in her hands, dug out of the Starship Graveyard.</p><p>.</p><p>Rey, sticky with a happabore’s goo, triumphantly presenting the junk boss with a spacetug and being reluctantly given 20 portions.</p><p>.</p><p>A computer display from an old BTL-A4 Y-wing assault bomber; alien languages, schematics of starships and flight simulations flashing through it. A girl about to learn anything she could. </p><p>.</p><p>A feeling that, while other scavengers needed her, <em>she</em> did not need <em>them</em>.</p><p>.</p><p>“Sweetheart, we’ll come back for you.”</p><p>.</p><p>A thirteen year old being suddenly cold despite the sunlight, traveling across sand dunes with a Crolute called Unkar Plutt.</p><p>.</p><p>Two traveling Wookiees regaling her with stories of the famed smugglers Chewbacca and Han Solo.</p><p>.</p><p>A Teedo holding a frightened girl at gunpoint. Not heeding her warnings and being knocked out; the scavenger running from harm, only to run back and save the Teedo from certain death.</p><p>.</p><p>A doll made out of a flight uniform (Captain Dosmit Ræh, a voice supplied) in the hands of a girl who’d pretend to save lost Rebels, the hero of someone’s story.</p><hr/><p>“<em>Kriff</em>,” the two were suddenly tugged back into their own bodies, minds laced back into the original spots, somehow not letting go of each other despite the strong emotions running through them. Neither knew what the other had seen, exactly, but they could imagine that based on what they’d each witnessed, the other had seen too much.</p><p>His hand was warm in Rey’s, ice being thawed by heat.</p><p>Breathing hard, her mouth dry as paper, she whispered only one thing as she looked up and <em>up</em> into the eyes of the only man who’d ever understood her loneliness.</p><p>“Kiss me.”</p><p>And Ben Solo did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honestly, so far this has been the hardest chapter to write (cause I was running low on ideas then), but also my favorite. All of Rey's memories are canon, while Kylo's are like 90% canon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. His Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author, once more, posts a day early.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“General Organa… Leia… is unconscious but recovering. This is the only good news I have. Admiral Ackbar… all our leadership, they’re gone.”</p><p>The ship was heavy with grief, the reality of their situation slowly but surely sinking in.</p><p>“Oh dear, oh dear,” C-3PO interjected, helpful as always.</p><p>“Leia was the sole survivor on the bridge. If she were here, she’d say save your sorrow for after the fight. And to that end… The chain of command is clear as to who should take her place. Vice Admiral Holdo… of the cruiser Ninka.” Larma D’acy stepped off to the side, letting a tall woman with purple hair take her place.</p><p>She looked kind, but nobody doubted for a single moment that she was tough as nails; all women in the Resistance were, as soldiers had to be. While women of power were scarce within the First Order, the myth of their volatility still alive, in the Resistance the command was overwhelmingly female. Not because they were the opposite and believed in the superiority of women… but because time had proven, like now, that sometimes the coolest heads and fiercest loyalties could be found in them. This was, perhaps, one of General Organa’s greatest legacies.</p><p>“Thank you, Commander. Four hundred of us on three ships. We're the very last of the Resistance. But we're not alone. In every corner of the galaxy, the downtrodden and oppressed know our symbol, and they put their hope in it. We are the spark that will light the fire that</p><p>will restore the Republic. That spark, this Resistance, must survive. That is our mission. Now, to your stations. And may the Force be with us.”</p><p>Nobody waited to enact her instructions; instantly, the soldiers scattered, off to hide their feelings in a box and march on.</p><p>One handsome fellow made his way against the flow of people, coming to a stop next to the much taller woman.</p><p>“Vice Admiral? Commander Dameron. With our current fuel consumption, there's a very limited amount of time that we can stay out of range of those Star Destroyers,” Poe Dameron began, and was it him, or did it seem like Holdo was fighting an eye roll?</p><p>"Very kind of you to make me aware. Let's get me those fuel projections.” </p><p>“And we need to shake ‘em before we can find a new base, so, what's our plan?” Dameron finished, as though Holdo hadn’t interrupted at all.</p><p>Still, the Vice Admiral was smooth in her reply.</p><p>“Our plan, captain? Not commander, right? Wasn't it Leia's last official act to demote you for your dreadnought plan where we lost our entire bombing fleet?” Holdo raised a knowing eyebrow, almost as if defying him to lie to her face once more.</p><p>Poe did his best to shake it off.</p><p>“Captain, Commander. You can call me whatever you like. I just wanna know what's going on,” Poe said stubbornly, blinking quickly when she suddenly came to a stop. She was smiling, but it didn’t seem very kind right now.</p><p>“Of course you do. I understand. I've dealt with plenty of trigger-happy flyboys like you. You're impulsive. Dangerous. And the last thing we need right now. So stick to your post and follow my orders.”</p><p>He was left behind, mouth gaping as he had his ass handed to him smoothly.</p>
<hr/><p>Rose Tico had just finished stunning Finn when she received a comm that a spaceship had requested entry, and that the hangar was about to open, and could she please make sure no one else was about to get caught in space? Leaving the ex Stormtrooper with a huff and a deep sense of disappointment, Rose made it out just in time to see the <em>legendary</em> Millennium Falcon dock ship. </p><p>Mouth gaping, the young engineer watched as the famed Wookiee and human smuggler made their way down the platform, followed by a haggard old man.</p><p>Was that… <em>no way</em>. But the prosthetic hand gave him away.</p><p>That was Luke Skywalker, in the flesh.</p><p>The Rebellion heroes were here to help.</p>
<hr/><p>When Rey decided to stay with Kylo Ren, she didn’t know if she was making the correct choice.</p><p>There was too much that had gone on through her head as she moved to take his hand: the planet which was falling apart, the tentative ally she’d made lying passed out on the ground, whether Han Solo would make it out of Starkiller Base alive. Unkar Plutt’s words, that while her parents were nobodies just maybe she wasn’t. It certainly felt in that moment as though she was meant to be someone greater than a scavenger or a pleasure girl.</p><p>If she left him, she’d find her answer elsewhere; she could even hate the answer she found, and then she’d have left Kylo Ren for nothing.</p><p>But taking his hand meant not leaving his warmth behind, it meant trusting her instincts once more and choosing to not be alone.</p><p>Now, with this strange new bond between them, as Rey clasped onto his tunic and brought their mouths down tighter together, she realized that she’d made the right choice. Kylo Ren was certainly confusing, perhaps not a good person, unquestionably meant to be more than a dark lord’s apprentice.</p><p>Now, as she felt his lips grow soft underneath hers, she realized she could grow to accept all his faults, if only he held her tightly. Whatever he broke, she’d fix; so long as it wasn’t him that was shattering and it wasn’t her he was breaking.</p><p>Rey had never been kissed prior to this moment. She’d come close once, many years ago when she came across a human boy near Niima Outpost; then he’d heard his name called by his master, and he’d run away without another glance back. Rey’d taken that to mean she could never have nice things, and had never tried again.</p><p>Perhaps it wasn’t a punishment, but a blessing that she only now knew what kissing felt like. If it felt this good, she’d have spent years yearning for this, only to be disappointed when nothing came close.</p><p>She’d thought prior to this that if she should ever kiss Kylo Ren she would be consumed by all the darkness that he carried inside, that she would cease to be herself and she’d have to give into the shadows they shared.</p><p>Instead, the energy that surrounded them seemed to hum contentedly, a huge sigh from the universe stating that everything was right. One hand on his tunic, the other over his chest, Rey could feel that his heart was beating just as hard as hers. <em>Something</em> was coursing through their veins with power and desire, and it kept realigning dimensions and history and destinies until only the two of them remained.</p><p>For people who’d had sex before, the act of kissing was overwhelmingly intimate and harrowing —they only managed to withstand this act a few more seconds before pulling apart, panting and resting their foreheads together.</p><p>“Can I…” Kylo cleared his throat, their eyes still squeezed shut. “Can I hug you, Rey?”</p><p>She wasn’t done nodding when she felt his arms envelop her waist, her arms instinctively moving to cling around his neck. He buried his face in her neck, letting out a shaky breath that seemed to carry a million words and a thousand unshed tears.</p><p>Now, instead of wondering, Rey knew how much Kylo had missed being hugged. Because unlike her, who’d never known a warm touch and so had managed not to desire it (lest she lose herself to unattainable wishes in the desert), he’d grown up with soft kisses and hugs —from his father and mother, the trusty Wookiee, Uncle Lando and even Luke once or twice, before he starting fearing his nephew.</p><p>So while Rey was only just discovering the wonders of touch, Kylo had gone over a decade without another caress comforting him. Things Rey had yearned for he’d already lost, and in that moment Rey swore to herself that she’d never deny him the comfort of her arms.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” Rey whispered, so softly she wasn’t sure if she’d asked or thought it.</p><p>Still, she felt warmth dripping down on her neck.</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
<hr/><p>ƒø</p>
<hr/><p>After giving themselves a few minutes to gain composure, they decided to move on to the final lesson: fighting with actual lightsabers.</p><p>“We will make you your own lightsaber soon,” Kylo promised, handing Rey his grandfather’s weapon.</p><p>When Rey grabbed it once more, she didn’t know that the ex-Stormtrooper had suffered visions the first time he grabbed it. In her case, the first contact she’d had with Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber had been amid a life-or-death situation; even the Force knew when it wasn’t the time for a flashback. And now, holding onto it after discovering the bond she shared with Kylo, the Force found there was nothing left to show her. She’d seen it all.</p><p>“Do you really think I can take on your knights so soon?” Rey asked hesitantly, falling into a waiting stance without igniting the lightsaber.</p><p>Kylo gave her a thoughtful look.</p><p>“It is definitely much sooner than I’d like, but we don’t have much of a choice,” Kylo sighed, his hand going naturally to his own lightsaber on his hip. “I just hope you don’t fight Vicrul. He can magnify fear, and that would make it quite easy for any beginner to fumble.”</p><p>He adopted a stance similar to hers.</p><p>“Still, you’re much stronger with the Force than any of them. You will win,” Kylo said, and though the confidence was gratifying and the compliment satisfying, Rey couldn’t help but notice how he said this with no real relish. Almost as if he’d resigned himself to her prowess.</p><p>He ignited his weapon, and Rey followed immediately after.</p><p>The air stilled around them.</p><p>Somberly, Kylo bent his knees.</p><p>“Now, <em>fight</em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>Aboard the Resistance ship, Han sat on a stool next to Leia —waiting for the moment she’d open her eyes.</p><p>He had a lot to tell her.</p><p>First, he’d kiss her; fight back tears, probably, from the fear of losing her and the relief of still having her. Then, he’d tear her a new one for not telling him about Luke’s near-murder of their son; the Jedi had admitted his estranged wife knew of the events, and had absolved him of his crime long ago. He was currently warring with these two emotional states: loving someone to the next galaxy and back, but also feeling almost equally disappointed. It hadn’t been Leia’s place to absolve her twin brother; the right lied solely in their son, and Han couldn’t help the irate feeling that by doing as much, Leia had practically told Ben she chose Luke over him.</p><p>There was only one thing that Han cared about more than Leia, and that was their son; he’d do anything for Ben, including warring with the woman he loved most.</p><p>The moment he saw Leia’s eyelids quivering, fighting to open, he snapped back to attention.</p><p>“Leia,” Han swallowed, at a moment like this unable to tease her with any nicknames. “Leia, can you hear me?”</p><p>“Am I dead?” he heard her hoarse whisper, so faint he almost didn’t hear it. Still, he couldn’t miss the small grin that was crawling up her lips. “I can’t remember the last time you called me Leia.”</p><p>Relief coursed through his veins in such a rapid wave that he had to lean forward on his knees and take a deep breath. </p><p>“Maker, you’ve <em>got</em> to stop scaring me, Princess,” Han breathed, lacing his fingers together and resting his forehead beside her prone hand. Softly, he felt her fingers run through his gray hair, a comfort that after all these years still made his pounding heart slow.</p><p>“I would apologize, but you’ve done this to me many times over,” Leia muttered, and if Han had been Force sensitive he would have felt how Leia was stitching herself up, slowly but surely. When he looked up, he found her ashen face was pink. Blinking quickly and fighting back tears, leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, never one to break promises to himself. “I’m glad you’re here,” Leia whispered, eyelids fluttering back open when her husband pulled back.</p><p>“So am I,” Han said simply.</p><p>“Luke is here, I can feel him,” Leia said, her eyes becoming more and more aware. “Thank you.”</p><p>Han shrugged, and it was then he remembered he had a bone to pick with this woman.</p><p>He took a deep breath, let it out, and proceeded to shout loud enough that, if Kylo had strained, he’d have been able to hear his father fight for him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi folks! So, if you noticed, I finally set a chapter count. I finished mapping out the next steps and, surprisingly, my initial estimate of 30 chapters was correct. </p><p>So here you go! Some of you figured right, that Leia knew. So we're in agreement.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Her Sacrifice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author returns with smut.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, which was the one previous to Rey’s fight with a mysterious Knight of Ren, she decided that even if she didn’t want to be anyone’s sex slave again she wanted to be Kylo’s lover.</p><p>The certainty was quick to come and easy to accept, since for any and all his faults, Kylo was still the first person who’d shown her real kindness. He wasn’t rough during her first time, he didn’t turn her in after she fiddled with the super weapon and he was even teaching her what was clearly an important matter to him —skills that, if she so wished, she could use to defeat him. After the visions she’d had of his past, there was an even greater reluctance to ever call him a monster again; he was bred of circumstance, just like her, but the wrong hand had extended a helping hand. She was lucky in that regard; that the first time she ever asked for help, Plutt had sent her <em>here</em>, with Kylo, and not somewhere she would’ve lost herself. Here, she never missed a meal, and she didn’t have to worry about dirty clothes or anyone stealing her belongings (she had none); here, she’d found a warmth that reached her bones and kept the chill from cold nights away.</p><p>So, as soon as Rey heard Kylo’s shower turn off, she hurried to wiggle off her pants and the sleeping tunic she’d tugged on after her quick wash, folding them neatly on the nightstand from her side of the bed (he was real anal about her not leaving things lying around). At first, she thought of lying face down like he’d once demanded of her —but then she remembered that was her <em>then</em> position, and she stopped herself. Hearing him shuffle around, she made a quick decision: she scrambled to sit back on her knees, naked as the day she was born, resting her hands face-down against her thighs. Back straight, hair loose, legs pressed firmly together as she watched the door like a hawk.</p><p>Waiting, waiting.</p><p>The moment the door opened, letting steam out, Rey’s heart gave a hard <em>thump</em> before picking up the pace. It had only been about three days, but already her body missed him; he came out shirtless, only wearing his pants while he dried his hair with a towel, and she would be hard-pressed to not stare at his eight-pack and hard definition of his arms.</p><p><em>Kriff</em>, she was so attracted to him.</p><p>When she couldn’t take a second more of his obliviousness, Rey cleared her throat softly.</p><p>The moment Kylo looked up at her, his mouth ran dry.</p><p>He saw what she’d meant for him to find: a lithe woman, beautiful and freckled, sitting absolutely naked and with a look in her eye that said she looked to be ravished.</p><p>The master of the Knights of Ren nearly passed out.</p><p>“Rey? What are you doing?” Kylo managed out, though he couldn’t help but notice how hoarse he sounded.</p><p>She gave him a sweet, mischievous smile.</p><p>“I want to have sex,” she stated, the grin growing wider when she saw how his flush from the shower was seemingly a deeper shade now.</p><p>“I told you, you’re not my pleasure girl anymore,” Kylo said, training his eyes solely on hers; if he looked downward, he wouldn’t be able to have this conversation at all. He saw her gaze soften.</p><p>“I know that,” Rey whispered, and in one smooth motion she was off the bed and standing in front of him, one hand lying over his heart. It was beating even harder and faster than hers, she found. That pleased her for some reason. “I don’t want to go back to that. I just…” Rey bit her lip, looking up at him in a way that made his hackles lower. “I liked it. With you. And if we can, I’d enjoy doing it again… as equals.”</p><p>The last part was almost a whisper, as if she was afraid he’d scoff at her that they would never be the same. However, his eyes softened even more, and he brought a hand up to cup her right cheek; she leaned into the caress, her eyes not leaving his.</p><p>“We always were,” Kylo said, and in that moment Rey felt as though she’d never hear sweeter words in her life again. “I just wonder if you’d want this with me, if you weren’t my… my prisoner.”</p><p>Quizzical, Rey straightened her head and let his hand fall to his side limply; instead, she lifted her other hand to wrap around the back of his nape, tugging softly on the long hair.</p><p>“Kylo, I’ve never been a prisoner in your ship,” Rey told him, wondering how long he’d thought she was here unwillingly. “I first got here because I exchanged my body for information and… and food, but I <em>never</em> gave Plutt or the First Order my freedom. And in Takodana, when I took your hand, it was <em>my</em> decision. You —you <em>asked</em> me to let you teach me, and <em>I</em> agreed. This, me wanting you… there’s no agreement making me do so. I just… want <em>you</em>, Kylo."</p><p>She saw the moment the words reached his heart, because his eyes —beautiful greenish brown, in this six-foot-four giant filled with scars and broken dreams— watered, and with her hands still on him he bent down to wrap his arms around her, burying his face against her neck. She couldn’t keep her own eyes from watering as well, wondering (nay, knowing the answer) if this beautiful man had ever in his life felt <em>wanted</em>. Not just sexually, but physically and emotionally. She imagined she was hugging the boy who’d seen his parents fly away and knowing they wouldn’t come back.</p><p>Rey pulled back the smallest fraction, just enough to let her forehead rest against Kylo’s, their noses pressed together. When she spoke, she felt her lips move against his.</p><p>“I want to kiss you,” Rey whispered.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>This time, the kiss wasn’t as sweet and soft as it had been the first time. They’d been looking for comfort then, and now they were looking for carnal instincts and reassurance. This was still a far more intimate act than either felt completely comfortable in, but it was the <em>good</em> kind of discomfort; the kind that brought good things and made you feel alive. There was some feeling bubbling up in Rey’s chest, but she didn’t know how to call it; she only knew it tickled, and so she had to pull back with a giggle she never thought she’d hear from herself.</p><p>“Are you laughing at me?” Kylo asked, unconcerned as he clasped her hips in his hands and brought his lips down to her jaw, kissing the angle where it met her ear and moving downwards.</p><p>“No,” Rey bit her lip to keep from laughing further, feeling lightheaded as Kylo picked her up by the hips and threw her down on his bed. He watched as her smile got so wide he could almost count all her teeth, and he fought not to feel bewildered over making someone grin like that. “I just feel…” she paused a moment, watching as he pushed his pants down unceremoniously and got on the bed, crawling towards her. “… light.”</p><p>She didn’t know how to describe it other than a feeling like she weighed nothing, like she was suddenly suspended in midair and Kylo was taking turns between tying her to the ship and holding her back from floating off to space.</p><p>Still, she saw how he thought she’d meant something else, because his eyes took a curious look through her.</p><p>“Yes, you are,” he said, and somehow Rey was certain then he’d misinterpreted her words. She pushed off the thought, and instead of trying to reassure him that she felt the Force neutral within her, she caught him off guard and managed to tackle him onto his back, her legs on either side of his stomach and his head on the pillows.</p><p>“I want to pleasure you,” Rey said, letting her eyes roam his chest. She heard the echo of a thought: <em>Ah, you do</em>. Smug, she shook her head. “No, I mean however I want.”</p><p>Without pausing to explain what she meant by that, she moved down so she could kiss his sternum, laying her palms on his ribs.</p><p>“I’ve never seen a body like yours,” Rey said, running her tongue over his nipple and enjoying his answering groan. “I’m tall for a human woman, but you’re so much bigger,” she continued, sucking a kiss on top of his heart. She felt his uncertainty through the bond, like he thought she was going to say something he didn’t like, so she rushed to reassure him. “I like that a lot.”</p><p>Instead of moving down, like he’d expected her to, she suddenly pushed herself upwards so she could lay a trail of kisses on his nose, his ears, his moles, his lips. She was kissing his insecurities away, he thought, but he asked her what she was doing anyway.</p><p>“I’m kissing everything I like,” Rey stated simply, as if she was only following an instinct stronger than her. He suddenly remembered he had hands, and he brought them up to cup her breasts and run his thumbs over her nipples. She pressed her moan against his collarbone, grinding her cunt down on his pelvic bone, a breath away from where he wanted her. He was hard as a rock, had been since the moment he’d come out of the shower and seen her naked, but this was bordering on torture already. He wanted to fuck her; he wanted to make love.</p><p>Sucking on the skin above his belly button, Rey returned to moving downwards, alternating between soft bites, hard sucks and light kisses.</p><p>He was so distracted he didn’t feel her hands disappear, only to return below his ass squeezing each globe.</p><p><em>I love your arse</em>, Rey sent to him teasingly. It was tight, and not at all flat like most men’s, and as soon as she could she’d enjoy biting into it.</p><p>“You’re killing me here,” Kylo groaned, making her huff out a small laugh and kiss the head of his cock. She couldn’t tell him this part, feeling it would be too dirty, but she also really liked how the veins of his dick popped; not all of them, but the occasional one could be trailed well enough that she’d follow it with her tongue. It made her remember how strong and big he was, and a baser instinct of her felt satisfied.</p><p>Leaving her hand on his cock, she bent further down so she could suck on one of his balls; she felt grateful that he was evidently not that hairy there, since the texture wasn’t as coarse as when someone shaved.</p><p>“Rey!” Kylo moaned, digging his fingers into her hair, feeling his heart stutter when she pressed her finger between his sack and his asshole at the same time as she pumped and sucked. Feeling on the verge of coming, he suddenly grabbed her by the armpits and tugged her up; she looked dazed, with spit coming out of her mouth and a hungry look in her eye.</p><p>“I want to come inside you,” Kylo managed, strained, catching her upper lip in his and flipping them quickly.</p><p>“Please,” Rey said softly, her fingers coming up to cup his cheeks at the same time as her legs fell apart pliantly. After checking if she was wet enough (she was, she <em>always</em> was), he grabbed his base and, looking into her eyes, drove himself into her to the hilt.</p><p>Unlike most women, Rey found she didn’t need much clit stimulation to come, but a must have for her was, apart from penetration, to touch her breasts. So while Kylo watched, mesmerized, the place where he ended and she began, Rey pinched and twisted her nipples as she watched him. Kriff, she loved watching him.</p><p>He went slow, unlike usual. Like they had all the time in the world, though it was nearly the next standard day already. It took that little to have her walls pulsing around him, clenching hard around the stretch and making him choke as he took turns watching her pussy and her eyes. Languid, enjoying her soft orgasm, she smiled lazily at him and opened her arms.</p><p>“Kiss me,” she said, and he did not hesitate before leaning forward and catching her lips in his, their sensations tangling and becoming one of huge pleasure.</p><p>They rocked back and forth for what felt like ages, sometimes falling into a pleasant trance and other times both feeling like they’d reach the peak of pleasure. The next time Kylo felt Rey start fluttering around him, he hurried his pace and deepened his thrust, grunting as he tried to bury his cock inside the hottest, tightest, warmest heaven he’d ever be granted access into. Sucking her bottom lip, hands gripping her breasts just right, they came at nearly the same time, with Kylo following close after her and spilling his warmth inside her. He didn’t pull out, instead pressing sweeter kisses against her lips and enjoying the feel of her graceful hands running through his hair and ears. When he finally grew soft, he let himself slip out, and then he moved them so he was spooning her, two fingers hooked inside her cunt so his cum wouldn’t slip out, his other arm acting as a pillow.</p><p>Instead of saying anything, Rey wiggled back until she was completely pressed back into him and placed a soft kiss on his bicep.</p><p>The two fell asleep, not knowing what tomorrow would bring.</p><hr/><p>After Poe’s (still Captain, not Commander) failed rebellion against Vice Admiral Holdo, he was stunned by the recuperated Leia Organa (with a sullen husband by her side) and taken aboard a small transport ship. Upon waking up, he went to the nearest window he found, wanting to see where they were.</p><p>Holdo’s sacrifice was witnessed in silence, as she led the ship in hyperspeed across the Supremacy, effectively securing the Resistance’s escape.</p><p>“No, no, no, no!” he breathed, nearly plastering his face against the window.</p><p>“Poe,” Leia, who sat on the seat below it, muttered with an air of disappointment.</p><p>“What is that?” Poe asked, pointing towards the big planet coming up.</p><p>“The mineral planet, Crait. An uncharted hideout from the days of the Rebellion,” D’Acy said, standing a few feet away from the two.</p><p>“That’s a Rebel base?” Poe asked, disbelievingly turning his head between both women and the planet.</p><p>“Abandoned, but heavily armored with enough power to get a distress signal to our allies scattered in the Outer Rim.”</p><p>“Holdo knew the First Order was tracking our big ship. They're not monitoring for little transports,” Leia guessed, fondly thinking about how smart her friend was.</p><p>“…So we could slip down to the surface unnoticed and hide till the First Order passes. That could work." Poe muttered, reluctant but knowing he had to give respect where it was due. The general gave him the side eye, taking his hand in her.</p><p>“She was more interested in protecting the light than she was seeming like a hero,” Leia said, her heart growing softer and sadder at the thought that she wouldn’t see her friend again. She couldn’t help wondering, briefly, how many more lives would be lost; then she set aside her feelings in the same box she always placed them in and straightened her back. She wouldn’t pity Amilyn; she would honor her.</p><p>She would always be remembered a hero, one who gave her life for the Resistance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honestly, someone stop me. I'm on the verge of starting another fic even though I'm not done with this one. Again.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Take My Hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author keeps fixing TLJ.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had my wisdom teeth (I know, they took their time) pulled out yesterday and I still feel like shit; didn't even get that laughing gas thing which might've made the whole experience nicer. So I posted earlier to take my mind off of it. Also, to procrastinate.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That day, they took Rey and Kylo to the <em>Supremacy</em>, where (without Rey’s knowledge) Supreme Leader Snoke was located.</p><p>They made their way to the throne room, arm to arm, Skywalker’s lightsaber held tightly in her hand. Too tightly, judging from her whitened knuckles, her eyes set straight ahead; for once, she had her hair in a half-ponytail, a look he thought suited her but wasn’t half as charming as her three buns. Still in the turbo lift, Kylo placed his fingers around hers, making her release it slightly. When she looked up at him, she didn’t look scared though —she looked confident, actually. He could tell, from their bond, that she was anything but calm inside though.</p><p>“You will win,” Kylo said suddenly, pressing his lips together as he glanced down at the woman beside him.</p><p>She shot him a sharp look.</p><p>“How do you know?” Her question was biting, but he saw it for what it was: fear. And that scared <em>him</em> in turn.</p><p>“I’ve seen you fight, and you’re more talented than any one of my knights,” Kylo shrugged, turning so he was slightly more angled towards her. “Don’t fear them, Rey. Pity them. They all know how to manipulate fear, anger, hatred and frustration. They might look big, but the truth is they just <em>look</em> strong —I should know, I’m their master.”</p><p>When he saw the doubtfulness settle on her face, he decided she needed one last push.</p><p>“Can I show you something?”</p><p>Despite the vagueness of the question, Rey was quick enough to nod; right now, she trusted no one more than she did Kylo Ren. As if following a wordless command, she slid her eyelids shut, letting her shoulders relax.</p><p>Slowly, she felt an image flicker through her mind, and she recognized it as a memory. Kylo’s, specifically.</p><p>He was a boy, not any older than eight years old. Before everything went wrong, and he could still sport a smile without the world weighing down on his shoulders.</p><p>He sat at a round table surrounded by people; his father and mother were to his right, Chewbacca and Uncle Lando to his left. On the far end was Luke Skywalker, looking young and smiling. In fact, everyone was laughing. Even Ben.</p><p>Everything was right in the little boy’s heart, because for once all of his family was together —no one fought, they ate together, his mother wasn’t called away on business and his father hadn’t jumped ship. Everyone was far more than content —they were <em>happy</em>. Ben couldn’t remember the last time they’d all gathered together to just be, and he found himself wishing for more events like this one. His father asked him to pass the salt, and the memory ended there.</p><p>The memory faded away, but it had done its job: Rey’s heart was no longer weighed down by fear, and in its stead there was a feeling of pure peace. She wondered why she hadn’t seen it amid his memories before, and the question was so clear in her eyes that Kylo shrugged. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and turned to look up at him, the question clear in them.</p><p>“It’s a precious recalling. One I rarely allow myself,” Kylo admitted, then cleared his throat. “Are you ready?”</p><p>Despite the fear, Rey nodded.</p><p>Yes, she was.</p><hr/><p>Much to Kylo’s dismay, the fighter the Knights settled on was Vicrul.</p><p>The throne room was in the dark, the only light coming to rest on Rey and his knight. Kylo could feel Snoke in the room, as well as the Praetorian Guard, but for some reason his master saw it fit to hide his presence —well, in a manner of speaking. Everyone knew the Supreme Leader was here, because where else would he be if not at the expected bloodbath?</p><p>No matter; everyone was silent as Kylo came to a stop between the two fighters.</p><p>“Vicrul of the Knights of Ren, Rey of Jakku; are you both ready?” He forced his gaze to remain equally cruel and impartial on both of them, not letting his eyes linger a second longer than was strictly necessary on his scavenger.</p><p>“Yes, Master,” the two of them replied at the same time, and neither was looking at Kylo. They were glaring at each other, both recognizing the other was much too different. Neither was <em>enough</em> in the regard of the other. </p><p>Kylo took a step back.</p><p>“<em>Fight</em>,” he hissed, and neither of them wasted any time, clashing against each other with enough force to rob onlookers of breath for a moment.</p><p>Kylo shouldn’t have spent a second worrying; Rey won the fight in seven minutes flat, Vicrul’s weapon clattering pitifully to the ground. It wasn’t that Vicrul wasn’t skilled, far from it; Rey was just <em>that</em> good with the Force, and the Knight had been unable to make the tendrils of fear wrap her heart. She wasn’t afraid of anything at the moment: not of losing, Vicrul, Snoke, or her dark side.</p><p>She was breathing hard when the lights were turned up and a giant, ugly creature manifested itself sitting on a throne, surrounded by guards dressed fully in red. All of a sudden the lightsaber flew out of her hand, landing in the creature’s before being placed next to it on a tall side table.</p><p>When Kylo’s back stiffened and turned to face it, Rey knew this was the infamous Supreme Leader.</p><p>“Well done, my good and faithful apprentice. You’ve trained her well, I see. My faith in you is restored. Young Rey. Welcome.” Snoke didn’t smile, but she could tell he was pleased. She hadn’t meant for that, and she wanted to bite her tongue at the thought that she’d done something right in <em>his</em> books. “Come closer, child. So much strength. Darkness rises, and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise. Skywalker.... I assumed. Wrongly. <em>Closer</em>, I said.”</p><p>At Snoke’s hiss, Rey left the Knights behind and walked a few steps forward, accompanied by Kylo. The Supreme Leader was even uglier up close, not much taller than she’d expected, but the darkness from him was just too <em>wrong</em>. So were his words, and she tensed as she heard them; she couldn’t see Kylo, but she could tell he was impassive. Why? Did he not feel something terrible coming?</p><p>“I do not know about Skywalker, Supreme Leader, but you underestimate Kylo Ren, and me.” Rey held her tongue on the rest that she wanted to say: <em>It will be your downfall.</em> Something about the creature’s eye let her know she didn’t need to say it out loud for it to be heard, and it was satisfying to know her posture was unfriendly.</p><p>“Oh, have you seen something?” his creepy eyes trailed towards Kylo, whose shoulders were minimally tense and looking in his direction. “A weakness in my apprentice, perhaps? Is that what makes you so arrogant? Young fool. It was <em>I</em> who bridged your minds —oh of course I knew, Ren, you could never hide anything from me. I stoked his conflicted soul, since I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you. And <em>you</em> were not wise enough to resist the bait. Now, you will be killed with the cruelest stroke, cementing Ren’s role by my side for good.”</p><p>She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, pounding away with all the fear she’d cast away barely minutes ago, though it seemed like an eternity had passed. Kylo still wasn’t talking, and she couldn’t feel any of his usual warmth towards her. He was shut off.</p><p>Suddenly, her arms and legs felt paralyzed, lifted two feet into the air as she was forced to face towards Kylo’s stern profile. He wasn’t moving an inch, though she could see his chest starting to move faster. The skin under his left eye twitched.</p><p>“For you, all is lost. <em>Oh</em>. And <em>still</em> that fiery spit of hope, pleasure girl. You have the spirit of a true Jedi! And because of that, you truly <em>must</em> die. My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.”</p><p>She refused to cry, but it was getting harder and harder as Snoke forcefully bent her at the knees and moved her to fully face Kylo’s front.</p><p>“I know what I have to do.” Kylo said in a low voice, his eyes fixed on hers without wavering, eyes looking infinitely sad and old. Even when Rey whimpered his name though, he refused to budge. </p><p>“You think you can turn him? Pathetic child,” Snoke hissed, clumsily rising from his throne. “I cannot be betrayed, I cannot be beaten. I see his mind, I see his every intent. <em>Yes</em>. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true. And now, foolish child, he ignites it, and kills his true enemy!”</p><p>The lightsaber that cut Supreme Leader Snoke in half made its way back to Rey’s hand as if it had never left, and she wasted no time before scrambling to her feet and meeting Kylo’s eyes.</p><p><em>Shall we?</em> He asked through the bond, already letting his body fall into a familiar battle stance.</p><p>She didn’t need to answer, instead turning and giving him her back —her most vulnerable place in a fight— and rushed towards the approaching Praetorian Guards, the Knights of Ren (loyal to Kylo, even at times like this) following close behind.</p><p>They fought as one, avoiding spears and vibro blades, leaning on each other for momentum and kicking back with everything they had. Kylo’s moves were clearly smoother than Rey’s, but she was light on her feet and quick to come up with alternatives.</p><p>While Kylo emerged unscathed, Rey was scratched on her right upper arm deep enough that it was likely it would leave a scar —not that it mattered, she was alive after all.</p><p>They were recuperating their breath when Kylo suddenly extended her lightsaber back to her, thrown at him to help him win.</p><p>“It’s time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker. The Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels.... let it all die. Rey. I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.”</p><p>She blinked repeatedly, feeling as though she couldn’t quite comprehend his words though they both spoke Galactic Basic.</p><p>“What… What?” Rey shook her head minutely, but she didn’t take a step forward nor backward. “You want me to <em>rule</em> with you? Kylo, I wouldn’t know the first thing. I come from nothing. I’ve <em>been</em> told I’m nothing.”</p><p>He was already shaking his head furiously before she was even finished with her sentence.</p><p>“But not to me. Join me. Please.” </p><p>Maybe someone else wouldn’t have noticed, but Rey could see it in his face how badly he needed her to say yes. The last word had been a whisper, but she could see how his lips trembled the slightest amount with the effort of getting the words out. He looked tired, disheveled like she’d never seen him, like he was readying his heart to be stomped on once more and not knowing if he’d be able to patch it up again.</p><p>She’d accepted his hand once; he needed her to do so again, or else he’d be unable to withstand it.Rey didn’t need to read his mind to know this.</p><p>There was a lot they’d have to hammer out. The fact that she wasn’t going to condone anymore killing, that she’d never cared for power and if she had it she’d do with it as she pleased, that she wanted that infernal superweapon’s design plans obliterated so nothing else like it could even be attempted, that she wanted him to stop persecuting the Resistance, which hosted his mother and father.</p><p>That she wanted him, warts and all, but not at the expense of her soul, a precious thing she’d protected through thick and thin.</p><p>It was too much to think about, much less say after a near-death experience, so instead, Rey reduced her answer to one he knew well.</p><p>“Yes.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Choosing Sides</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author still cannot eat solid food, and the hunger can only be soothed by Reylo.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing that Rey did, once they’d made up a silly excuse to General Hux on Snoke’s demise (“We dueled to the death, Hux.”) and after they’d escaped the destroyed <em>Supremacy</em> (courtesy of Vice Admiral Holdo) was get a shower.</p><p>Kylo insisted on going after the Resistance, but the furious scowl that Rey sent his way made any and all arguments die in his mouth; if he pressed, she would leave. He was certain of this, though she had never said as much.</p><p>“They cannot go unpunished,” Kylo tried, trailing after her furious pace. “They destroyed our <em>ship</em>, Rey. What message will it send if we let them go?” </p><p>“I don’t <em>care</em>,” Rey snapped back, coming to a stop in front of his chamber and waiting impatiently for him to open the doors. Once he had, and they were both inside, Rey continued her argument. “Make up some excuse. But I’m tired, and so are you. You could take this chance to say something about how they destroyed Snoke’s First Order, not yours. Please,” she said, hunching her shoulders and wrapping her arms around herself, giving him her back. “Don’t make me an accomplice to so many deaths.”</p><p>Kylo scowled.</p><p>“It would be for the greater good of the galaxy, Rey. It would be <em>necessary</em>, to root out the traitors. I will not be the monster Snoke was, but this regime <em>does</em> need order.” He straightened his back, feeling the defiance in his tone. “You will not change me, if that is what you want. I will not spend my life trying to please someone else again. No more masters; I’ve sacrificed too much being subservient.” </p><p>He saw her unwrap her arm bands, letting them fall to the ground. As she started on her tunic, she spoke, her tone so disappointed it gutted him inside.</p><p>“You think I don’t know about masters?” she whispered, dropping her belt. “If I’m not your slave, prove it to me Kylo. Show me that what <em>I</em> want counts for something. I cannot bend my morals anymore than I already have.”</p><p>This angered him, making him rip off his cowl and shove off his boots as he watched her backside.</p><p>“Oh, what a load of shit, Rey. You’ve not compromised a <em>single</em> thing. You stopped the Hosnian Prime destruction, you saved Han Solo, released the traitor, helped me kill Snoke and now you’re arguing to stop the Resistance from being destroyed!” He spat all of this out, watching as each item listed off seemed to make her hunch further into herself. Her back was naked, but she was still in the process of slipping off her boots and pants.</p><p>“And I still want to be with <em>you</em>, who would’ve condoned the most terrible outcomes,” Rey whispered, the fight seemingly having gone out of her. “You said to let it all die, Kylo. You’re not letting go.”</p><p>The words felt like a heavy brick in his stomach, and he could only watch her take off her final piece of clothing as he stared. She was beautiful, and his, and he was about to ruin this by being stubborn and chasing ghosts.</p><p>Instead of slipping off into the shower, Rey turned around and approached him quickly, making quick work of the remaining clothes on him without making eye contact.</p><p>“You have my trust. Told me I was someone. Show me I am worth not engaging in one silly fight, and you’ll keep it. Wage war on them, and I will know your words were just that. Pretty promises you were never going to keep.”</p><p>He stilled her hands on his pants, enveloping small fingers in large palms.</p><p>“Are you willing to stay with me as I am?”</p><p>At this, she did look up, meeting his eyes with a surprisingly soft gaze, nearly tearful.</p><p>“I would, if you liked yourself this way. As it is, I think you don’t like yourself very much, and in turn that makes it hard for me to accept it. I’m not interested in you returning to some <em>light</em> side, Kylo, as though things were so easy. I just want you to stand by <em>your</em> ideals, <em>your</em> morals, and let yourself hear my side of things without shutting me out when it’s not what you want to hear.”</p><p>Easing up on his scowl, he released her hands.</p><p>“I just wish I knew whose side you’re on,” he muttered, startling a little when she forcefully lowered his pants, underwear and all.</p><p>Without looking up at him, she shrugged.</p><p>“I’m on your side. Always.” </p><p>
  <em>My side?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s on my side?</em>
</p><p>The words echoing in his head, he watched as Rey dropped her hands, turned on her heel and made her way to the bathroom, her back looking bruised from fighting much to his displeasure.</p><p>He knew what he had to do.</p><p>Sighing, he made his way to the nearest comm; hearing Hux’s smarmy hello, he snapped back his orders.</p><p>“Pull back the troops. We’ll regroup two days from now. Things will be done my way from now on, General Hux.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“That is an <em>order</em>, General.”</p><p>He could almost hear the redhead swallow down his pride.</p><p>“Yes, Supreme Leader.”</p><p>Satisfied at least that went his way, Kylo hung up the transmission, and letting out a shaky groan made his way to the shower, having understood Rey’s implicit invitation.</p><p>The steam fogged up the glass, making it hard for him to see her figure.</p><p>“I called it off,” Kylo said, opening the glass door and stepping in behind her. He waited to see what her reply would be —whether she’d tell him he did the right thing, or say nothing at all, maybe even tell him something deep and meaningful.</p><p>Instead, she fell to the ground, catching him off guard.</p><p>He immediately fell on his knees beside her, trying to right her so she wouldn’t be so uncomfortable.</p><p>She was crying.</p><p>“Thank you, <em>thank you</em>,” Rey sobbed, scrambling to lay her forehead against his neck and wrap her arms tightly around his waist. “Thank you, Kylo.”</p><p>She continued thanking him as though she had a quota to fill, and through it all he only held her back just as tightly, rocking her back and forth. He couldn’t tell, from her memories, when had been the last time she’d cried. If she’d ever done so since she had memory.</p><p>It felt odd, being thanked so profusely for doing something he’d been so clearly reluctant to do. But Rey looked genuinely relieved, and he had to hold himself back from prying into her thoughts to figure out what exactly was lifted off of her shoulders.</p><p>The tiny thorn that had been stuck in his heart seemed to dissolve; perhaps it was too simpleminded of him, but he found that he just felt good knowing he’d done something right for once. Something someone felt entirely grateful to him for, when he was undeserving of such feelings.</p><p>“Have I pleased you?” Kylo muttered, unable to help himself.</p><p>He felt her nod furiously against his neck.</p><p>“You <em>listened</em>,” she said simply.</p><p>The two of them finished showering quickly, neither being used to long showers anyway. When they got out, neither bothered putting on clothes —they’d come right off, anyway.</p><p>This time, they were so determined on pleasing each other that Rey wound up lying on top of Kylo, face down with her mouth on his cock and his on her cunt.</p><p>The position for her wasn’t the most comfortable, but she was certainly enjoying herself. Moaning at a particularly deep thrust of his tongue, she almost swallowed him to the base, making him curse and try not to buck his hips.</p><p>“You feel so good,” Kylo muttered, keeping his hands on the dimples above her ass —his favorite spot, if he was being honest with himself. Instead of answering, Rey simple moaned back, the vibrations making him curse again. In return, he drew tight circles on her clit, making her come.</p><p>Much too quickly for her dizzy state to take notice of, Rey found herself suddenly on her back, Kylo’s cock just an inch inside her.</p><p>“Look at me,” Kylo whispered, and though she’d heard him be far scarier, <em>this</em> time she wanted to listen. He didn’t break her gaze as he thrust further inside, being almost torturously slow and making her breath catch in her throat.</p><p>Instead of pounding away inside her, as he liked doing, he rolled his hips in and out, one hand on where they were joined and the other holding him up. The only time he took a break from looking at her was when he kissed her or when he looked down at himself thrusting inside of her.</p><p>It felt… private. Precious.</p><p>Peaceful.</p><p>They went on for what felt like hours, Rey coming in soft waves that felt like heaven. Whenever he thought he’d come he’d stop to kiss her, taking the time to explore every inch of her mouth. He finally came inside her when she sucked on one of his ears, his weak spot, and even then he thrust his seed inside her until he went limp. This time, when he pulled out, he shuffled down so he could see inside her; every time he’d see his cum leak out, he’d push it in again with two fingers, then make her suck on them.</p><p>As soon as he could again, they did it all over again.</p><hr/><p>“Are we ever going to talk about what happened, Princess?”</p><p>Presently, the Resistance had made its way to Crait, where they were anxiously awaiting reinforcements so they could get the hell out of the ice planet. Not that Leia <em>didn’t</em> have fond memories of the place, but she had <em>no</em> fond memories of the place.</p><p>She looked up from where she sat in front of a transmission dash, seeing her husband’s arms crossed in front of him.</p><p>“Do you think that <em>now’s</em> the right time, Han?” Leia raised an eyebrow, giving him that look he’d always dreaded, one where she told him without words he was being absurd.</p><p>He scowled, looking every bit Kylo Ren’s father in that moment.</p><p>“If not now, when? We’re in the middle of a <em>war</em>, Princess, it’s never gonna be the right time. So yes, I want us to talk <em>right this kriffing moment </em>about you knowing and not telling me <em>your</em> brother tried killing <em>our son.</em>”</p><p>Sighing, Leia shrugged helplessly, unable to find the strength to fight back.</p><p>“It wasn’t something I could focus on, back then. Dealing with another loss when Ben had already done so much, had left us; if I got angry with Luke as well, I’d have lost him, too. I couldn’t deal with that.”</p><p>He pressed his lips together.</p><p>“And what about <em>me</em>, huh? I’ve spent all this time wondering what happened that night to make him snap, and you <em>knew</em> I wondered. You’ve just… kept this from me, all this time. As if this was of no <em>importance</em>. As if I wouldn’t <em>care</em>.”</p><p>Tiredly, Leia shut her eyes tightly, breathing out her nose. Around them, the Resistance fighters were working overtime to contact their allies, knowing the First Order could crash the party at any moment.</p><p>“Well, when did you want me to let you know, Han? In the last seven years, had we seen each other once? <em>When</em>?”</p><p>Neither had ever backed down from a fight, but now more than ever Han seemed determined to spit out all he thought. She was usually the nagger, and it felt odd being on the other end of the chastisement.</p><p>“Oh <em>bullshit</em>, Princess. All this technology, and you couldn’t use it? No,” Han interrupted her when she tried feeding him another excuse. “We both know if it’d been Chewie who’d held a crossbow to his head you’d never have let it go this easily. And you <em>shouldn’t have</em>, is my point.<em>Nothing</em> is more important than Ben, and the second you let Luke back into our lives you let everyone, including Ben, know who matters most to <em>you</em>. I’m not picking a fight here, Princess. I’m telling you that our son deserves a monumental apology from <em>both of us</em> the moment we get him back.”</p><p>Watching her lips tremble, Han’s shoulders relaxed a fraction; he sighed, sitting down on the empty bench next to her.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can,” Leia admitted quietly, one of the handful of times he’d heard her admit weakness. He nodded.</p><p>“You can. Swallow your pride, rip Luke a new one and then think of how to make this up to Ben; it’s likely we’ll have time.”</p><p>He kissed her forehead; a silent apology for the chastisement as well as a promise that everything would be ok.</p><p>So long as no one told him the odds, that was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I didn't reduce the story people --I just realized I miscalculated (I had a different count of chapters since one time I posted two chapters in one). On the bright side: we made it to TROS! Yay! </p><p>Forgive this not-mathematician, and have a nice weekend everyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Worlds Fall Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author regrets nothing.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>People, I really rue for the day I become a mother. I'm weak, so weak. I told myself I wouldn't post today (cause, three chapters last week) and then I thought to myself, but do it anyway if it'll make people happy. And so here we are.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time went by incredibly quick when you had so much to learn.</p><p>Rey went from unknown scavenger to being the new Supreme Leader’s partner, and this meant that all of a sudden she needed tutors to teach her politics, calligraphy (Kylo had called her writing chicken scratch), economics and diplomacy. Rey rather excelled at everything but the latter, given how little the Force could help her there. She did her best, but she was quite confident that at any moment General Hux would gladly cut her in two.</p><p>That day, Kylo and Rey had miraculously woken up a few minutes before the alarm was set to go off; they woke up tangled in each other, as always.</p><p>“I don’t want to go <em>shopping</em>,” Rey complained, scrunching her nose up. Her cheek rested on his chest, her leg and arm swung over him. He had an arm wrapped around her, content as always to cuddle her close. Years ago, he never would’ve thought he liked this position; as it was, he never wanted to leave this bed. Perhaps, more than having to do with liking the feeling of being smothered under another body, it was liking Rey’s warmth.</p><p>“I’d rather you not go, either,” Kylo confessed, brushing the back of his fingers up and down her soft arm, gaze set on the ceiling. He felt so… at peace, at times like this. As if all the voices that had beckoned him were shushed in deference to the beauty of their moment. “But it’s true you don’t have any formalwear yet.”</p><p>Rey sighed.</p><p>“I just… I have to go with <em>Hux</em>, of all people. I’d rather stay here with <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Although, to be fair, Rey hardly ever wanted to be separated from Kylo.</p><p>The last few months had made her grow warmer still to the man beside her, a combination of proximity, understanding and effort. True to his word, Kylo had stopped persecuting the Resistance —only engaging them after direct attacks, ones she had no way of telling him not to fight back against.</p><p>Then, it seemed as if every available moment was spent together —willingly. Rey liked being near Kylo, and more than anything she loved making him smile. It wasn’t often he let himself show such expressions, didn’t even really qualify as a grin because all he did was tilt the corner of his lips upwards, but it made her stomach flutter with an indescribable feeling. His sense of humor was… odd, to say the least, composed almost entirely of sarcasm. His favorite pastime seemed to be teasing her about a variety of things —her three buns, how much she struggled with cutlery, the way she refused to curse to the extent of saying ridiculous things (‘you Teeding man!’), how she refused to sleep in anything other than his oversized tunics.</p><p>To make matters even better, he <em>listened</em> to her; they’d started small, with him not destroying every control panel that happened to be in the same room as him when he got angry. Then she got him to stop choking Hux, which she honestly thought the general wasn’t appreciative enough about; she got him to learn Lieutenant Mitaka’s name. Some people wouldn’t even consider these things wins, but then again, those were the same ones that didn’t care for kindness.</p><p>Kylo <em>tried</em>, and even if he slipped up, she never chided him; only gave his hand a squeeze in support. He’d spent enough time being berated; the first week after Snoke’s defeat, Rey had spent a whole standard day kissing his scars and weeping as he showed her (at her behest and threat) memories of how he acquired them. He hadn’t quite known what to do with her compassion, and had instead settled for simply cradling the back of her head when she buried her face in his neck and cried for him.</p><p>Nobody had ever cried for him, either.</p><p>She knew it was difficult to believe, but there was a part of her which grew warm and tender when she thought of the big, lonely, gentle(ish) giant that was Kylo Ren. The darker part of her, the one she’d learnt to ignore, would sometimes grow immensely pleased that all his kindness and light was only for her; then she’d remember Han, Chewbacca, Poe and Finn, and she’d remember that there were dire consequences of keeping all that light for herself. Being the exception felt good, but it was, ultimately, only a piece of reality.</p><p>All that aside, she had to say those weren’t even her favorite things. The part she liked best was when, after a particularly bad nightmare, instead of waking him up Rey shared the images she liked best to imagine: wide oceans, green forests, the wind blowing, flying through the sky, kissing Kylo. She’d share whatever brought her the most peace that day, and he’d calm after a handful of seconds, relaxing his hold on her. He still didn’t know she did that, and she was hesitant to admit it; she’d once asked him not to intrude in her mind, and it felt like somehow she was doing the same. Still, it felt exhilarating to know that <em>she</em> was responsible for putting his demons at rest. It made her feel… important.</p><p>“Hux <em>is</em> quite obnoxious,” Kylo agreed. “Though to be fair, no one around here cares as much as him about wardrobe, so he’s the only one fit to help you with this.”</p><p>Rey groaned in silent agreement.</p><p>Groggily, she leaned up enough to be able to see him, his eyes now closed contentedly, hair messy, lips pouty. Grinning, she bent forward to place a soft kiss on them, laughing when he opened one eye full of suspicion.</p><p>“What was that for?”</p><p>She shrugged.</p><p>“Being handsome, I suppose,” Rey offered, glaring when he snorted. “I swear, whoever told you otherwise deserves to be thrown into hyperspace. You’re <em>hot</em>, Kylo, accept it.”</p><p>He opened his other eye so she could see him roll them.</p><p>“I’m sorry if I have a hard time believing you after a lifetime of being told otherwise.”</p><p>Her scowl deepened.</p><p>“Well, those people are blind,” she grabbed his hand and, with a hard tug, lowered it so he was cupping her sex. His eyes darkened, turning to look down. She was wet, like she seemingly always was. He could only see his hand disappear inside her sleeping pants, and when he rubbed lightly at her entrance, she rocked back. “Feel that? That’s me all the time whenever I look at you.”</p><p>His lips quirked up.</p><p>“Is this your way of saying you want morning sex?”</p><p>It sort of was, but Rey thought he wouldn’t complain. He did, after all, benefit just as much as her.</p><p>Working his finger inside her, Kylo arched his neck down so he could capture her lips in his. The squelching sound her cunt made was music to his ears, and it only took a few pumps of his fingers before she was impatiently tugging down their pants and sinking down on his erection.</p><p>“<em>Kriff</em>, you feel perfect,” Kylo panted, leaning his head forward to see where they were joined before letting his head drop back to the pillow with a grunt. “So fucking wet.”</p><p>“For you,” Rey mumbled, giving her hips a slight roll before finding them contained by his hands. Unable to move, she whined.</p><p>“Just… be my cockwarmer for a moment, alright?”</p><p>Rey clenched <em>so</em> hard at that Kylo briefly choked. He usually wasn’t one for dirty talk, nor did Rey always appreciate it, but whenever they were lazy and amped up and he said something like <em>that</em>… It made Rey feel like the most valuable object he’d ever have.</p><p>Minutes went by without Kylo letting Rey move an inch, nor did he let her hands pinch her nipples or clit. He wanted her to feel him for <em>weeks</em> inside, just like he carried her with him.</p><p>“Kylo!” Rey whined, finally making him break and shove his hips up, the angle hitting her walls just right. He was huge, but he could no longer see himself bulge inside her due to her thinness; it was a good thing, and though he was sad to no longer see that, he felt much prouder of having fed her well all these months.</p><p>He fucked her, because though they both enjoyed slow and sweet this wasn’t one of those moments. They needed quick, they needed relief <em>now</em>, and if Rey kept mouthing at his ears that way it’d be even sooner than expected.</p><p>“Come inside me, Kylo,” Rey whispered, and that was that. He crushed her pelvis to his as he emptied his seed inside her, hitting her cervix like he often did, for a moment wondering what would happen if he knocked her up. These were times of war, it wasn’t practical; she had an implant, it wasn’t possible. Still, a little thrill went through him at the thought of making her his in all ways possible —his wife, his pleasure girl, the mother of his children, his forever— and he couldn’t help but empty another load when she contracted around him with her own orgasm.</p><p>Their hearts beat wildly.</p><p>Evidently, they ran late that day. </p><hr/><p>Canto Bight was, in Rey’s opinion, the last place she expected Hux to lead her to.</p><p>Gamblers, casinos, thieves and smugglers could be seen everywhere, and she didn’t even need to look further than a few feet in front of her. Some women were seen wearing exotic furs, and men with elaborate hairdos walked in broad daylight as if their toupee wasn’t trying to flee from their heads.</p><p>The green-skinned Mirialan that received the duo in her shop was, to put it lightly, scared to death of General Hux. She kept shaking as she placed tea in front of them and brought out her finest gowns, trying but failing to convince them that headscarves were <em>in</em> while flower-crowns were <em>out</em>. She couldn’t convince Rey of buying a drink of water despite being thirsty, either, so she was just not a great businesswoman she thought. She watched as the woman flittered between the back of the store and their small reception area, failing to look as though she knew what she was doing.</p><p>For some reason, Hux seemed satisfied.</p><p>“You like this one?” Rey frowned, looking at the dress with a frilly collar and transparent waistline the Mirialan was presentig. Nothing about it seemed right, she acknowledged, finishing the last of her tea.</p><p>To her surprise, Hux smiled and shook his head.</p><p>Creepy.</p><p>“So… you <em>don’t</em> like it then.”</p><p>He let out such a screeching sound that it took her a moment to realize he was laughing, head tilted back and pale face flushed red.</p><p>“You foolish <em>whore</em>,” Hux spat out, the shock on Rey’s face making his face twist further into a grin. “I can’t believe you’re so naive.”</p><p>Rey looked up towards the Mirialan, only to find the woman gone.</p><p>Was it just her, or was the ground a little shaky?</p><p>“What did you <em>do</em>?” Rey slurred, shooting up to her feet. She tried contacting Kylo through the bond, only to realize she wasn’t able to concentrate enough to open the connection.</p><p>“Got rid of you,” he said, perhaps standing up as well. “I’ve made some new friends, you see. They’ll be happy to have you, and it’ll break Ren <em>just</em> enough to let me take the command from him. Can’t kill you, cause he’ll know, but… I <em>can</em> send you far, far away.”</p><p>A shadow moved behind the redhead, and that was the last thing Rey saw before she passed out cold.</p><hr/><p>When news reached Kylo Ren that Rey had escaped, he flew into such a rage that they had to temporarily close the East wing due to future renovations (they considered switching ships altogether, still evaluating the cost of rebuilding).</p><p>He went through a variety of emotions —maybe she was kidnapped, or she was hurt, perhaps Hux was lying because that’s what he was best at— but no matter how he tried, he couldn’t make contact with her through their bond. She felt <em>there</em>, at the end of the string, but also gone. Like she’d blocked him off, if the invisible wall was of any indication.</p><p>He raged, but more than that he hurt. He hated himself for the tears that spilled down his cheeks, but he couldn’t help them anymore than he could help needing breath to live. He’d really thought she was the one, that their bond meant she was the one person who could never forsake him, that perhaps she was happy with him. Had it all been a ruse to gain his trust? It felt like one; deception was all he’d ever known.</p><p>Face now twisted with rage, he made a decision:</p><p>It was time to fix his mask.</p><hr/><p>The moment that Rey woke up, she knew that something was wrong.</p><p>She felt incomplete, very cold, and <em>angry</em> for some reason. The last thing she remembered was Hux’s smug rat face, and then feeling like she’d gotten knocked out.</p><p>Opening her eyes, she saw that what surrounded her was stone egg-like houses, green grass and a very blue sky. She felt like she’d been unceremoniously dumped on the floor, and from how much her back protested as she tried sitting up, she thought perhaps she <em>had</em> been treated quite roughly on her way here. Surprisingly, when she moved her hand to the right she felt her lightsaber —well, the one that had been passed down to her while they got the kyber crystal for a new one. </p><p>Shakily getting up, she glanced at her surroundings, instantly understanding that whoever she found would be no ally. It was why when she saw a robed man sitting on a rock with his back to her, she turned on her lightsaber with a snarl and ran towards him.</p><p>He stopped her midair, and the moment felt eerily similar to the fight in the throne room with Snoke.</p><p>“There’s no need for that, Rey.”</p><p>The man who turned around look haggard, long hair littered with gray hair, his prosthetic hand easily visible despite the long sleeves. He set her back gently on the ground, as if that would make up for uprooting her life.</p><p>“You’re Luke Skywalker,” Rey stated, and despite this, did not turn off her weapon. “Kylo told me about you. What you did.”</p><p>She watched shame overcome his features.</p><p>“I failed him. I never should have trained him.”</p><p>Inexplicably, rage simmered inside of her.</p><p>“You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn’t. There's <em>still</em> conflict in him, you know. Kidnapping me has probably killed off what hope there was.”</p><p>Luke sighed.</p><p>“It is necessary, young Jedi. You must be trained in the ways of the light.”</p><p>Now, Rey was generally a patient person. Kind, understanding, willing to look at the bright side even of the most twisted things. Right now? She was hungry, exhausted, hurting physically and emotionally, and some bastard was telling her he didn’t regret his actions.</p><p>She didn’t have to think before she threw her lightsaber at him with enough strength (and the element of surprise on her side) that it hit him on the side of the head.</p><p>He didn’t lose consciousness or anything, but she was willing to bet the bruise would make her feel at least a little better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I forgot to say thank you so much for all the wonderful comments (hope they don't change after this chapter lol); people here on AO3 are so freaking kind. I'd been over at FFN.net ten years, and I'd usually cringe while opening the reviews cause the comment could either be heart-warming or so mean I was confused (I mean, usually, if there's a fic I feel is SO bad I just stop reading, so it takes dedication to be a dick). Here, it's all rainbows and sunshine so far, so I'm really grateful. </p><p>Reminder: I believe in happy ever afters. I swear I'll fix this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Her Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author might be sleep-deprived, but this fic is still getting posted.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Training under Luke was, to be quite frank, a frustrating affair.</p><p>First off, it took him a month to convince her that no matter what she did, she’d be unable to reach out to Ben (he kept calling him that, despite how much Rey insisted he went by Kylo now); he’d tell her she would find no ship, no help, no escape. All she could do was train, so she might as well give up.</p><p>Within the first two weeks, Rey had managed to punch him in the same eye twice, and once down below; after this Luke kept his coaxing from a safe distance, but he was just as persistent. She didn’t trust him one bit, after what she’d seen of him from Kylo’s memories. She told him as much, but instead of fighting her all he did was nod with a haggard sigh and give her a small shrug.</p><p>He was surprised by how much Kylo had taught her, and was not at all shocked to discover the one she was the least adept at was Soresu. He made her train by running up and down the island, and when they started sparring, Rey took special pleasure in knocking his robotic hand to the ground, not even bothering to hide her smirk. He’d just roll his eyes, bend down to grab it and fight the rest of the duel sans a hand. He was still good like that —excellent, really, much to her dismay— and it made her push herself even harder to knock him down on his ass.</p><p>Their first real fight came when, during meditation, Luke pushed Rey to say <em>all</em> that she perceived within the island. The darkness beneath was strong, the balance to the light. When she opened her eyes, Luke seemed as though he’d seen a ghost.</p><p>“I’ve seen this raw strength only once before. It didn’t scare me enough then. It does now.”</p><p>He didn’t need to clarify who he was talking about, but he didn’t need to. It was clear they were talking about a young boy with a long nose, big ears and dark eyes.</p><p>“Oh, bantha poop,” Rey snapped back, furiously jumping down from the flat rock she’d sat on. “Of <em>course</em> you were scared enough then. Or do you mean you tried to kill a fly and not your nephew back then?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, feeling the anger refusing to sink back to the underground.</p><p>Luke rolled his eyes in that condescending way he had.</p><p>“You didn’t even try to stop yourself, Rey. You went straight to the dark,” Luke rebutted, as though this made him right. Instead, Rey doubled down on her glare, the wind blowing loose hairs around her face lightly. Luke could see the youth on her face, but also the ancient grief in her eyes.</p><p>“You know, I thought fear was a dark-side emotion. What are <em>you</em> so afraid of?” Rey hissed, trying to blink the sun away from her eyes. She didn’t see the Jedi master flinch away as though she’d landed a blow. “You’re stuck on this idea that there’s only good or bad, dark or light. It’s what drove Kylo away, being forced to pick one. You made him feel like he could only ever be bad if he couldn’t be good enough. Instead of feeding his love, you fed his fear. And now the galaxy is torn apart because you couldn’t keep your family drama in your pants.”</p><p>By the end of her tirade, Rey was breathing hard, uncaring if she was blinded by the sun or not. She wanted to punish all of Kylo’s family for abandoning him, just like she was once left to rot. Luke had tried multiple times of regaling her with all the goodness within his sister and her husband, how much they <em>loved</em> Ben, but all she kept hearing was the things that had somehow managed to be more important than him time and time again. The senate, a trip, a dinner. The boy whose fondest memory was of the single time his whole family was gathered together, nobody fought, and all was right.</p><p>After that, Luke was careful not to mention his nephew again even in passing. He took to teaching her all the precepts from the Jedi, and then they spent hours debating the concepts of peace and light and knowledge, more often than not disagreeing. Once, she would’ve accepted these precepts without a second thought; now that she knew the reality of what the other side was, she couldn’t blindly follow some old hermit’s beliefs. The dark side was not an abstract concept, but had dark chocolate eyes and big ears and a shy smile.</p><p>“You know Kylo will never forgive you for kidnapping me,” Rey would say at least once a week, feeling reassured by her words every single time, believing that he was somewhere out there looking for her.</p><p>“I know,” Luke would reply every time. Then they would continue sparring, hammering out details in her form that spoke of someone else’s fighting technique.</p><p>The bond was… quiet. It didn’t matter how much Rey concentrated, she couldn’t establish a connection with him; it felt like there was a wall around her mind, but one not placed by her. She could feel and use the Force, but not even while she slept could she harness her power to send at least one good dream to him. She worried over him experiencing nightmares every night they were apart, more so because she knew just how much he’d appreciated the dreams. Whenever she asked Luke, he’d only shrug and look the other way; she hadn’t told him of the bond, but she had no doubt that this man would have felt another person’s presence in her mind. It made her even angrier, knowing that someone else was privy to a secret only Kylo and she should have shared; that someone else could manipulate something that had been special, and solely theirs.</p><p>She was on the verge of falling asleep after tossing and turning half the night when a revelation hit her, feeling like a rush of cold water and electricity moving throughout her veins:</p><p>She was in love with Kylo Ren.</p><p>Rey hadn’t even been thinking about him when the thought struck her, but it was true. Instead of making her fret, because what would a scavenger know about love when nobody had ever wanted her, she could only think about all the clues she’d missed. How happy being around him made her. How quick she was to fight his battles for him, though she knew he didn’t even know she was doing so. How much she’d wished, every single day since she’d arrived at this place, that she was back in his bed or training to be the best companion she could be. How warm his hands always were, how those rare half-smiles had made her heart pound with peace and joy. </p><p>She thought of all those times she’d willingly taken his hand, and how she’d gladly do it again until the end of times.</p><p><em>I love you</em>, Rey tried sending into the bond, but the universe only echoed back silence.</p><p>It was late.</p><p>The day wasn’t set to begin for another few standard hours.</p><p>Still she made her way to the egg house where Luke slept, and she started knocking on his door with such strength it was a wonder it didn’t fall. When he opened, he had bed hair and one eye that looked suspiciously uncoordinated.</p><p>“What?” He snapped, having obviously been deeply asleep. She returned this with a glare of her own, one so fierce that it took no time for him to regain wakefulness completely.</p><p>“My time here is up. I’m going <em>home</em>, Luke.”</p><hr/><p>When a transmission surfaced throughout the galaxy stating that the previous Emperor, Darth Sidious, was back, it felt like no one was more shaken to the core than Kylo Ren. He was all too aware of the voice’s similarity to the one that had haunted him throughout his childhood, the one which had cast doubt over everything he’d ever loved. It had curled around his heart with sharp needles, making the pain that had been there the last five months feel inexplicably fresh.</p><p>He’d tried looking for Rey —of course he had. She wasn’t present in any of the battles against the Resistance, which had started up again with a fury once he’d been told she’d defected, searching high and low for her and threatening the galaxy with death should anyone harbor the Resistance. He’d heard a rumor that his uncle was back among the fighters, but no matter how far he reached he was unable to feel his Force signature, and after a while those whispers faded to say that once more, Skywalker was gone.</p><p>So with his lover gone and his uncle missing, he felt as if there was a hole constantly trying to patch itself together in the middle of his chest. He’d tried getting a new pleasure girl, but the moment he’d been presented with a brown-haired slip of a girl he’d sent her back to whatever hole she’d crawled out of, compensated handsomely for her trouble. He’d tried destroying another wing of his ship (now the <em>Steadfast</em>, after the <em>Finalizer</em> was deemed irreparable), but he still remembered how proud Rey had been of him keeping his temper in check —so he spent the majority of his free time battling the Knights and exhausting his body so he’d sink into a dreamless sleep —when he wasn’t building a new rule or rooting out the bane of his existence. Somehow, as if things hadn’t been terrible enough, when Rey disappeared she took the pleasant dreams with her, leaving him to the mercy of the same nightmares which had plagued him for years. Now, the Supreme Leader was sleep-deprived, sexually frustrated and angry, something which did not bode well for any Stormtrooper making their way near him. For some reason, he’d noticed a mysterious absence of his troopers within the last few months.</p><p>So when the transmission made its way throughout the galaxy, Kylo decided it was time to acquire a new focus. He redirected all of his focus towards finding a Sith wayfinder, the first step; he didn’t <em>really</em> think that the voice was Sidious, but he was all too aware of how fragile public perception really was, and he could stand no threat to his rule. Hux thought he was losing his mind, that he was chasing ghosts. Kylo’s snarl had been simple.</p><p>“We can and <em>will</em> chase every rumor, every scrap, every vapor trail across the galaxy! We will mobilize every bounty hunter and informant, and turn over every rock to find all of them… and wipe <em>every one of them</em> out of existence!”</p><p>Hux had kept his complaining to a minimum after that.</p><p>Sith wayfinder in mind, he made his way to the planet Mustafar, accompanied by Allegiant General Pryde and Hux, trailed by the Stormtroopers. They landed in a region near the castle grounds of Fortress Vader, Corvax Fen; the heat was quickly becoming unbearable, so he knew that they had to be as fast as possible. When they ran into a group of cultists called the Alazmec of Winsit, Kylo was quick to cut them down, knowing that time was truly of the essence.</p><p>Reaching what appeared to be a lake, his companions trailing far behind like the cowards they were, he found a small creature with many legs that called itself the Eye of Webbish Bog; the moment it mentioned his Skywalker ancestry he moved to strike it down, but it managed to sidestep him just in time.</p><p>“You are worthy of the wayfinder, Ben Solo, son of Leia Organa, grandson of Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker. It is Darth Vader’s wish that you would have this, but be warned: this path you seek will lead to the discovery of your true self.” </p><p>Kylo crouched down and snagged the wayfinder from its possession, his gloved hand tightening around it as much as his strength let him. He thought of all the things he could tell this dumbly-named creature, but found that it deserved none of his words. His true self was lost somewhere in the wide galaxy, and this way he could at least put his grief to use.</p><p>Instead, after throwing a glare at his surroundings, he stomped his way back to the <em>Steadfast</em>, leaving his companions far behind. Unwilling to wait even a second longer, he commandeered a TIE fighter and set course for the Unknown Regions.</p><p>Whatever he was seeking, he’d find in Exegol.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I honestly don't know what to say. I'm trying to do this thing where I don't overshare, but I'm an oversharer by nature. </p><p>On the other hand, boy did I skip over that training (almost as if I knew nothing about lightsaber fighting). </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author pretends stress isn't eating her alive.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I realized there was no way I'd be able to update tomorrow, so here it is a day early.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Contrary to Mustafar’s heat, Exegol was a planet whose chill penetrated bones. As Kylo moved through the shadows of the ancient monument and descended to its depths, he felt his heart speed up in an attempt at maintaining body heat. Sweat already dried, face dirty, hair wet, Kylo moved quietly across stone figures and dusty cracked floors, mouth dry.</p><p>“At last. Snoke trained you well,” a disembodied voice, sounding ancient, declared out of nowhere. Kylo wasn’t surprised; evidently, if he’d managed to find the old Sith planet, someone wanted to be found.</p><p>“I killed Snoke. I’ll kill you.”</p><p>“My boy. I made Snoke. I have been <em>every</em> voice you have ever heard inside your head,” the voice switched between Darth Vader’s and Snoke’s, making him fight back a shiver. Still he walked with his lightsaber held high, passing by flashes of light and a creature that looked like his old master suspended in a yellowish liquid. “The First Order was just the beginning. I will give you so much more.”</p><p>Kylo had never been anything if not foolishly brave.</p><p>“You’ll die first.”</p><p>“I have died before,” the voice crowed, and following the sound Kylo redirected his steps. “The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities, some considered to be…” Spookily, lightning chose that moment to illuminate sunken cheekbones, blind eyes and frail skin. “… unnatural.”</p><p>He redirected his red saber towards the hooded figure of the Emperor, barely an inch from its drooping nose. Eyes trained on him, he asked, “What could <em>you</em> give me?”</p><p>The Emperor attempted a smile, but it looked more like a grimace.</p><p>“Everything.” Electricity sparkled between his useless fingers, and he lifted them as if it was his greatest effort yet. “A new Empire.” Behind Kylo, a fleet of countless Star Destroyers broke through the surface of the planet; a new army to command. “The might of the Final Order will soon be ready. It will be yours if you do as I ask. <em>Kill the girl!</em> End the Jedi… and become what your grandfather Vader could not.”</p><p>Years of suffering and training had taught him how not to visibly react, but the words were stuck on repeat in his head: <em>kill the girl</em>. Palpatine was a fool if he could not see that Rey was Kylo’s downfall as Padmé had once been Anakin’s; for all his denial, Kylo could admit this much to himself. He’d kill all living things before hurting a hair in her head, but right now, he had to play his cards right.</p><p>He lowered his lightsaber, masking his face into a stoic expression.</p><p>“You will rule all the galaxy as the new Emperor. But beware… <em>she</em> is not who you think she is.”</p><p>He paused, training his eyes on Sidious.</p><p>Despite it all, he needed to know; it would matter to her, and therefore it was his business to know.</p><p>“Who is she?”</p><p>Thunder rumbled.</p><p>Sheev Palpatine smiled.</p><hr/><p>A Resistance pilot (Snap Wexley, Rey thought he’d introduced himself) had been tasked with picking them up and flying them back to base —some jungle planet called Ajan Kloss, where upon touching base a hoard of people was amassing beneath the ship to receive them. It had been, overall, a very uncomfortable trip; Snap seemed to be weary of Rey, not knowing where she’d come from; Rey was glaring at Luke the whole time, blaming him for restraining her and only abandoning the island when Leia had sent Snap; Luke was meditating. Or pretending to, at least.</p><p>She was even angrier when, upon stepping off, she was met first with Han, Chewie, Poe, Finn, and who could only be Leia Organa.</p><p>“Rey!” Finn dimpled at her, and would have hugged her if not for the stormy glare she sent his way.</p><p>“You <em>kidnapped</em> me,” Rey hissed, looking from one guilty face to the other. Luke had told her that Finn and Poe had been enlisted to help retrieve her and fly her to Ahch-To. “And then you left me alone with <em>him</em>.” She jerked her head back to motion at the old Jedi, who had the good grace to look away.</p><p>“Now, listen kid—” Han began, only to be elbowed by his wife into silence.</p><p>“I apologize for what you went through. Rey, is it? I’m Leia Organa-Solo, General of the Resistance. Welcome.”</p><p>Suspicious, not knowing what the retired senator was playing at, Rey squinted at all of them.</p><p>“I don’t want to be here, General. Let me go <em>home</em>.”</p><p>Despite her petulant tone, Leia gave her a soft, understanding glance.</p><p>“Home where, Rey? Back to Jakku? Or back to <em>him</em>?” </p><p>She suddenly became aware of all the eyes on them, how they all seemed to be waiting on baited breath to figure out who this skinny thing was. What weight she’d managed to gain aboard the <em>Finalizer</em>, she had lost again with Luke; through training, but also through scarcity. It was another thing she blamed him for: undoing Kylo's hard work in making sure she ate. She pinned the Solos with a glare.</p><p>“Maybe you’ll want to have this discussion in private.”</p><p>To her surprise, they didn’t fight back. Quietly, after dismissing Poe and Finn, the five of them made their way to the biggest tent at the camp, evidently the one that Han and Leia shared. And Rey <em>knew</em> they shared it, given how one side of the tent was pristine and the other was a mess.</p><p>(She’d have been surprised to know that Leia was the hoarder)</p><p>“We can talk here, kid,” Han said, pulling out a bench and sitting down next to his wife, icy glare daring his brother-in-law to complain of still sitting up. Chewie sat on the floor, his preferred spot in the absence of sturdy seats. Rey remained standing, arms crossed over her chest as she assessed the curious family. “Alright, lay it on us.”</p><p>Rey did.</p><p>She wasn’t one for shouting, so she was relatively calm during her venting. She took turns jabbing fingers at Leia and Han and throwing dirty glares at Luke. Chewie was the only one blameless, the uncle in all but blood but without fault in this story, so she spared him her venom. But spew it she did, alternating between her hurt on Kylo’s behalf and her own outrage and fear after being kidnapped.</p><p>“So not only was I taken prisoner by this kriffing <em>hermit</em>,” Rey hissed, pointing at Luke who sat on the edge of the semi-circle they’d formed. He looked remarkably calm for someone who’d just sat through twenty minutes of being ripped apart. “Kylo probably thinks I’m dead, or that I ran away. The man who <em>all</em> of you made feel like he wasn’t worth your time, and who was only just starting to trust another sentient being.”</p><p>To her surprise, it was Han who released the first smile. He turned to his wife, his smirk changing his face into something softer and younger.</p><p>
  <span class="Apple-converted-space">He looked like his son.</span>
</p><p>“I like her. She reminds me of you.”</p><p>Leia didn’t smile, but neither did she refute him; she simply cocked her head to the side, wise eyes taking in the shape of the mad scavenger.</p><p>“Do you love my son?” Leia asked, and even though Luke starting coughing uncontrollably and Chewie crossed wide eyes with Han, Rey found this to be the easiest part of this ordeal.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>She pursed her lips.</p><p>“Because he was kind to me when no one else was; because he protected me from Snoke when I committed treason, and preferred killing him to killing me. Because I matter to him. Because we’re two sides of the same coin.” Rey shrugged off the flabbergasted expressions, uncaring that before this they hadn’t known the real cause of demise of the previous Supreme Leader. “He’s not a monster. He’s just a man who wasn’t loved enough.”</p><p>At that, Rey saw the air leave Leia’s lungs; she looked like she’d just been knocked out, and Han didn’t seem to be doing any better. Luke was the one who shot her a glare.</p><p>“That’s not fair, Rey. You don’t know everything.”</p><p>She pinned all of them with a frustrated face.</p><p>“It <em>is</em> fair, and I <em>do</em> know. Kylo loves you so much his happiest memory is of all of you being together,” Rey said, knowing she didn’t need to raise her voice for this part to be heard. She had all of their attention. “You tried to push him into being something he wasn’t, so <em>of course</em> he leaned on the first creature that told him it was ok to be himself. And that’s <em>your</em> fault, for not listening, for leaving him. He’s angry, but more than that he’s hurt. And you deepened the wound even more when you kidnapped me.”</p><p>None of them knew what to say to that, silent in a way only those who’d done wrong and knew it could convert shame into absence of sound. Rey lost the tension within her shoulders, tired of trying to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. For all her words, she wasn’t angry; just sad on Kylo’s behalf.</p><p>“Anyways, please let me go back to him. He’s my home.”</p><hr/><p>It turned out that Rey couldn’t do as she pleased, and she was quickly finding herself impatient to return to Kylo’s side with every moment that went by and her wishes (the kidnaped victim, might she emphasize) were ignored. Apparently, they couldn’t just contact Kylo Ren and hope he’d pick her up and leave everyone else unharmed; which Rey thought was a safe assumption to make, but still. She was irked enough with them that the thought of him wreaking havoc wasn’t terribly upsetting.</p><p>They tried to make her feel as though they’d reached a compromise by stating that the main reason they’d sent Snap to pick them up was that they’d received a message from a First Order traitor (Rey could bet her buns it was that slimy redhead again) and needed Luke in order to get to the Sith wayfinder, since he and Lando had almost managed to acquire it; they’d drop her off in the desert of Pasaana, and they had no doubt Kylo would pick her up there without compromising the Resistance base. For some reason, they trusted her not to divulge the information; that, or they’d move as soon as she got back with Kylo.</p><p>Time was a blur after that, given the sixteen-hour timer they were on before Palpatine unleashed his army. One moment they were in Ajan Kloss, and the next the Falcon had landed and Poe, Finn, Luke, C-3PO (an odd droid, as was his little partner BB-8) and Rey were wandering the festival filled with colors and laughter. It was beyond nice, the celebration; Rey wished for a moment she could have been the children laughing at a puppet show, but she knew she would never be. The best she could hope for was to take her kids to one —and the very thought made her heart race.</p><p>Suddenly, she felt as though a great pressure was lifted from her mind —as if shackles had been released, making it easier for her to breathe. Lightheaded, she turned:</p><p>There he was.</p><p>A relieved smile made its way across her face, which slowly slipped when she realized he was back to wearing a mask, and he wasn’t taking it off. He wasn’t saying anything, either.</p><p>“Kylo?” Rey whispered, moving a step closer to him.</p><p>“Rey,” he said, and the voice modulator made her shiver; she never had liked the thing in the first place, but it sounded even more chilling now. “Wherever you are… you are hard to find.”</p><p>Frowning, she took half a step back; it didn’t sound like he was pleased to see her, though the bond was remarkably happy with their reunion, buzzing with the excitement of being active again.</p><p>“I didn’t…” Rey swallowed hard, willing her eyes not to tear up. This wan’t how she expected things to go; she’d known there was a possibility that he’d thought she’d fled, but this was an anger which had festered for months. “I didn’t <em>leave</em> you, Kylo.”</p><p>He dismissed the idea as though the thought was ridiculous; he didn’t let her elaborate, didn’t let her ask for forgiveness in a desperate act. Instead, his hands clenched into fists, the gloves squeaking.</p><p>“I know the rest of your story, Rey.”</p><p>Her lips parted.</p><p>“How?” she whispered, swallowing down what felt like sand; her mouth was dry, and the desert wasn’t making this any easier.</p><p>He ignored the question, choosing to keep telling her what he pleased.</p><p>“Your parents were no one,” he began, and Rey thought back to that note Plutt had given her before boarding the First Order’s ship. She’d known that. “They <em>chose</em> to be. To keep you safe.” Her lower lip trembled, and when he took a step forward, she took one back; he was hurting her, and she couldn’t even see his face to know if he regretted it. He did. “You remember more than you say; search your memories.”</p><p>She saw a woman pushing back a headscarf, telling her to be brave. A young man telling her she’d be safe. Rey, crying for them to come back.</p><p>“Tell me where you are. You don’t know the whole story. It was Palpatine who had your parents taken. He was looking for you, but they wouldn’t say where you were. So he gave the order.”</p><p>In a move too quick to fight off with her blurry sight, she couldn’t leap away when he reached forward and ripped off the necklace the young Aki-Aki girl had given her. The connection ended, and she was back in the middle of the desert, bodies in colorful robes dancing around her.</p><p>Wondering who the man she’d seen was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. A Palpatine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author is so cold.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fortunately for the Resistance party, Lando Calrissian was there to save the day when they were spotted by Stormtroopers. He and Luke hugged like the old friends they were, and Rey did her best to pretend she was interested. She wasn’t; all she managed to care about was that the man she loved had just stomped all over her heart.</p>
<p>Whatever he’d been trying to tell her, it was horrifying. He wasn’t doing it out of kindness, but out of some other feeling that did not (she did not see how it <em>could</em>) stem from love.</p>
<p>The events were a blur after that. They ran in the direction of the Sith assassin Ochi’s ship, only to be ambushed by Stormtroopers and <em>then</em> getting caught by the Shifting Mires; she heard Finn call something out to Poe, something he had to tell him it sounded like, but she wasn’t paying enough attention. Luke, as always, had only seemed amused. Then they ran into that hurt reptile, the vexis seeming to be in far more pain than it was angry; it reminded her of someone (damn her), and without thinking about it, she leaned forward to try Force healing. She’d only done it on herself before, having been taught by Luke during her (unwilling) training; still, amid everyone’s held breath, she gave it a try, the peace of the purest Force leaking out of her fingers and into another creature.</p>
<p>It worked, and then somehow they were out of the tunnels with the dagger in hand, shown the way by the fleeing vexis.</p>
<p>All of them ran towards Ochi’s ship, varying degrees of speed and desperation propelling their feet faster; even Luke Skywalker, for how decrepit he seemed to be, picked up the pace when he felt his nephew getting closer. Rey was still much too angry to let herself be caught by, she was now convinced of his title, her ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p>“You coward!” Rey shouted back as she ran, her legs pumping faster. “Stay and right your wrongs!”</p>
<p>She ignored how Poe and Finn shot her equally perplexed looks, but she didn’t care. Rey had a bone to pick with Luke and she was going to get her sweet revenge.</p>
<p>It didn’t feel half as satisfying when she saw Luke’s pace slow to a halt as the trio (and droids) climbed the rock leading them to the ship.</p>
<p>“I’ll hold him back!” Luke finally shouted at them, thumbing his lightsaber next to him.</p>
<p>“But—” Finn tried fighting back, even as Poe and Rey kept hurrying inside. Neither cared much for suicidal Jedi.</p>
<p>“Go, Finn. And may the Force be with you.”</p>
<p>Much too calmly, the old man walked a yard from the ship as he prepared to face his destiny —his nephew speeding through the desert at a surprising speed.</p>
<p>He really wasn’t young enough for these shenanigans anymore.</p>
<p>Luke turned his back to the ship and started running; feeling eyes on him, he shooed the large spaceship away; it took them another ten seconds before they picked up and left, the hyperspeed beautiful as it always looked from far away.</p>
<p>Luke cut down the left wing of his nephew’s TIE fighter once it was near enough.</p>
<p>“Bantha poop,” Rey groaned, smacking her forehead. Poe and Finn turned to look at her apprehensively, wondering who cussed that way. “Luke’s got the dagger.” </p>
<p>Shit.</p><hr/>
<p>Kylo couldn’t help from boarding the <em>Destroyer</em> and going to interrogation room 6 to berate his uncle.</p>
<p>Knowing it would only be a matter of time before the little Resistance group came back for <em>the</em> Luke Skywalker, he decided to get a few words in before resuming his search for the bane of his existence, his other half.</p>
<p>When he got there, mask in place, he saw Luke for the first time in years: old, with gray hair, a lot more of a belly than he used to have, and the same fucking arrogant blue eyes that adorned his face.</p>
<p>“Ben,” Luke greeted, a smirk slowly spreading across his face. “I was wondering when you’d do me the honor of visiting me. It hasn’t even been half a standard hour.”</p>
<p>“Shut <em>up</em>,” Kylo hissed, feeling no satisfaction at all of having this man bound before him; if he was still here, it was because he willed it. Not because <em>Kylo</em> had bested him. There was no victory to be had, not this time.</p>
<p>“You seem troubled, my nephew. What worries you?”</p>
<p>Eyes going over the man who looked <em>nothing</em> like his mother, Kylo realized that there was only one thing he wanted more than killing him right at this moment: only one thing was worth losing this chance over, and he had to swallow his pride to get it.</p>
<p>Releasing the mask, he let his uncle glance over his scarred face, over the face that spoke too much of Han Solo and very little of Leia Organa. He didn’t bend down so he was eye to eye with Luke; he maintained what little power he had from his upright position.</p>
<p>“Give Rey to me, and I will call off Palpatine’s plan.”</p>
<p>It was simple, truthful, a reckless sentence that could get him killed; nonetheless, this was the extent of his heart’s desire, and he couldn’t make himself pretend he cared more about anything but her.</p>
<p>To his surprise, Luke raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“That scrawny scavenger? She’s such an angry little thing; you’re sure?” Luke asked, and when Kylo’s glower only grew, the Jedi allowed himself a small chuckle. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I don’t own her, so I can’t give her to you.”</p>
<p>Kylo’s scowl was fierce, and if Luke hadn’t practically raised the kid himself, he would’ve felt himself waver in fear. Han had always looked comical when angry, simply exuding grumpiness; Leia had carried her quiet anger like a crown. Ben, though? Ben would burn down worlds.</p>
<p>“She’s <em>mine</em>,” Kylo snarled, restraining himself from choking Luke, knowing that would result in his answers being cut short. “I simply want her returned to <em>my</em> side. A girl for a galaxy; surely that’s a fair trade, isn’t it, <em>Skywalker</em>?”</p>
<p>Stunned by the words, Luke could only blink a few times at his nephew, tiredness bleeding back onto his face and hardening lines.</p>
<p>“I’m sure my father sounded just like you, once,” Luke whispered, his eyes fluttering from one mole to another on Kylo’s face. He’d only understood love as an enveloping, warm feeling —his love for his sister, for his students, for the people he’d sworn to protect. Even for his nephew. <em>This</em>, whatever Anakin Skywalker and Ben Solo were capable of feeling, was beyond him; it was all-consuming, toxic in its intensity, capable of destroying a man and building an empire. Leia had never put her love for her son or husband over the needs of worlds, as his own uncle would never have traded peace for his aunt; perhaps it was everyone else who could never love enough, and it was these two men who knew what it meant to love with every fiber of your energy.</p>
<p>Perhaps promising Ben to give over Rey would save the galaxy; Darth Vader’s downfall <em>had</em> been, after all, the denial of his and Padmé’s love. But he knew what would happen if he promised, only for Kylo to find out he really <em>had</em> always had Rey’s heart; death, revenge, the downfall of planets.</p>
<p>So Luke did the only thing he could think of: he told the truth.</p>
<p>“Rey never left you,” Luke said, his words sounding like gravel in his mouth. “We… Took her.”</p>
<p>Before he could think twice about it, Luke showed bits and pieces of his memories with the scavenger: how she’d woken up dazed and wanting Kylo; all of the ass-ripping he’d endured for months; the near-castrations on repeated occasions; how when she’d come up to Luke, determined to leave, she’d cleaved off his prosthetic hand in anger when he’d started saying no; how he’d felt Kylo’s presence in her mind, so he’d shut it out. The way when, upon arriving at Han and Leia’s tent, the girl had proceeded to shout out her frustrations.</p>
<p>How she admitted to loving him.</p>
<p>That memory was too much, and abruptly Kylo pushed Luke out of his mind, unable to bear the truth.</p>
<p>While he’d lost faith in her all too quickly, she’d spent the entirety of their separation believing he’d still want her once she explained things and he… disappointed her with cruel words. </p>
<p>
  <em>Do you love my son?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p>
<p>It was too much. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been loved. Couldn’t even remember the last time he’d wanted to be loved.</p>
<p>Mind swirling with information, he left his uncle chained to the ground, knowing he needed to find Rey.</p>
<p>Now.</p><hr/>
<p>After Poe, Finn and Rey decided to wipe C-3PO’s memory in order to get the inscription on the dagger (it seemed as though the droid’s slot in life was to always forget things); they met Zorii, Poe’s <em>something</em> (was it just Rey, or did Finn look a little heartbroken?) who helped them get to Babu Frik, who in turn did the dangerous procedure on the (un)willing droid. Sith translation recuperated, they were in the process of running away from a hostile situation when Rey realized: she could feel Kylo getting closer, but also Luke.</p>
<p>Not only was he alive (and she felt a <em>little</em> relieved about that), the dagger was near.</p>
<p>She said as much.</p>
<p>“We gotta go get him!” Poe exclaimed, and Rey felt the excitement was a little over the top, but who was <em>she</em> to say? She, after all, had no love lost for Luke. </p>
<p>It was another blur as they boarded the <em>Destroyer</em> with the medallion Zorii handed over to Poe; they separated in order to find Luke (“I’ll go get the dagger,” she offered immediately) and his things.</p>
<p>In Kylo’s new chambers (<em>so much white,</em> she thought; it didn’t suit him) Rey grabbed the dagger, and instead of letting herself be called over to the melted mask in a pedestal, she found herself walking over to the bookshelf; she wondered if that one book she’d left behind had survived the change of transports.</p>
<p>It had, she realized with a startle, recognizing it for the bright red color of its cover. It was still in the upper shelf, as it had been aboard the first ship so many moons ago. Gently, she tugged it down with the help from the Force; it was old, about as old as she was she estimated. Opening it, she saw Kylo’s neat handwriting in Galactic Basic.</p>
<p>It was his journal from the first two years in Luke’s Jedi school. It contained all his loneliness in words, every anger and affliction he’d suffered. She’d even found the journal entry where one of the girls had called his ears huge with a sneer, which made her heart hurt; the one where the voice started getting louder in his head, the one that made him question those around him. Months ago, before Hux had kidnapped her, she’d stealthily read the diary religiously; every day, when he was out meeting with his council (he promised she’d join as well, once she finished her lessons), she’d plop down on the bed and skim through the entries, hiding it in her bedside table when she felt him approach. More than fearing it to be an invasion of privacy (for she had no concept of such a thing), she feared him finding out she’d taken something from the upper shelf when he’d explicitly prohibited her from doing so.</p>
<p>The air shifted.</p>
<p>“Rey.”</p>
<p>Shoulders tense, Rey looked up to see the masked Kylo facing towards her; she imagined his eyes burning a hole into her, but she could only guess. Still, his tone sounded much softer than last time, for which she was grateful. She wasn’t done processing the fact that the one man she’d ever loved now hated her.</p>
<p>“<em>Kylo</em>.”</p>
<p>Her tone made him flinch, and she didn’t need to see beneath the mask to know it to be true. Not even when she’d been his pleasure girl and ready to despise him had she spoken like that.</p>
<p>“I…” something seemed to die on the tip of his tongue, and too late she realized he’d seen the book in her hands. “You have my journal.”</p>
<p>She did.</p>
<p>“So that’s where you are,” Kylo muttered, but he made no move to leave. Instead, he let out a deep breath. “Have you read it?”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged.</p>
<p>“At least five times.”</p>
<p>He didn’t seem to be breathing, while Rey felt on the edge of hyperventilating.</p>
<p>“Why—”</p>
<p>He didn’t finish, the Force bond cutting off unexpectedly. It only took her a moment to take off running towards the hangar with Ochi’s ship, fighting off Stormtroopers and their blasters while trying to determine if her companions were aboard the transport; seeing C-3PO, BB-8 and the little D-O (a happy surprise from the ship), Rey handed the protocol droid Luke’s things and ordered them to find the rest.</p>
<p>Not a second too soon either, because Kylo landed within the next moment in the hangar, nearly falling out in his hurry to reach her. He walked briskly towards her, only to find Rey circle him instead of running towards him.</p>
<p>Right, right. He’d fucked up.</p>
<p>An apology on the tip of his tongue (ready to beg, quite frankly), Kylo opened his mouth only to be cut off by her.</p>
<p>“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? <em>Tell me</em>.”</p>
<p>He could see it in her eyes, that she knew the answer already. That she didn’t want it to be true, and she wanted him to make up a lie. But he wouldn’t; he’d never lied to her, and he wasn’t about to start now.</p>
<p>He hated himself for answering her, but it was better than her hating him for not replying.</p>
<p>“Because he saw what you would become. You don’t just have power. You have <em>his</em> power. You’re his granddaughter.” Kylo didn’t want to, but something compelled him to finish his sentence. “You… are a Palpatine.”</p>
<p>He saw her hazel eyes grow wider, and perhaps it was just a trick of the light but he could’ve sworn they watered as well. He hated himself, he really did. He could only keep hurting those he loved.</p>
<p>“My mother was the daughter of Vader. Your father was the son of the Emperor. What Palpatine doesn’t know is we’re a dyad in the Force, Rey. Two that are one.”</p>
<p>They were always meant to be together, he wanted to tell her. They were always meant to find each other.</p>
<p>“We’ll kill him together and take the throne.”</p>
<p>She saw it; Kylo and Rey sitting on the emblem of the Sith, dark cowls pulled over followers and heavy jewels adorning their heads. It made her tremble.</p>
<p>Breathing raggedly, Kylo took off his helmet and —there he was, beautiful as always. Looking tired, hair not as perfect as always, but looking like her every dream come true. His eyes saw no one else; neither did hers.</p>
<p>Swallowing, he extended his gloved hand once more.</p>
<p>“You know what you need to do. You <em>know</em>.”</p>
<p>Instead of the defiant look he’d expected, the acceptance or refusal he was ready for, he saw her lips tremble, then her teeth bite down on the lower lip to keep it from moving. She seemed to be memorizing his every feature, as if they were things worth remembering. </p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>The <em>Falcon</em> materialized behind her, blasting off everyone in the hangar but the dyad.</p>
<p>“Rey! Come on!” Rey heard Finn shout; looking at Kylo’s face straining to hold on, she faced the fact that perhaps she was never meant to change him.</p>
<p>She ran towards the old ship, letting Finn catch her in midair.</p>
<p>Rey loved Kylo too much to let him die for her; he might have thought she hadn’t taken his hand, but the truth was she was aiming for something bigger.</p>
<p>She’d kill Palpatine herself, so he could live the life he was meant for.</p>
<p>With or without her. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Mm, nothing to say today either, really. Thank you for all your wonderful comments, as always. We've only got a few more chapters to go. </p>
<p>Also, you should check out my other story <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861005/chapters/65537512">Green</a>. It's currently rated T, but it'll be E soon enough. Worry not: I've finished writing this story, so it won't interfere with the update schedule. It's the high-school AU I've always wanted to write, except sort of cause of reasons. </p>
<p>Anyway, thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Ben Solo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author loves y'all.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Death Star was, for lack of a better word, creepy.</p><p>It really was, with it being half sunk in the dangerous ocean and whispers of unaccounted for deaths. When Rey had hijacked a sea skiff and left behind her companions (meaning to protect all of them but Luke, who seemed strangely quiet for once) she hadn’t expected the water to bother her so much; she supposed it made sense since she’d grown up without it; the excess seemed to make her skin crawl, as if it knew she was meant for dry land.</p><p>Walking inside it, she avoided looking at the helmets of dead Stormtroopers, knowing that some of them must have had bones still inside. There was always so much death in wars —on both sides, and the only thing she wanted was to prevent even more senseless killings from happening.</p><p>Something was calling her; it felt like a pull, just as she often had experienced as a scavenger when she’d gotten a feeling that something valuable was up ahead. With that in mind, she set herself for some wall climbing, finding a wide hallway with more helmets strewn to the sides; braving past them (she wondered if someone had cared for these people, and quickly rid herself of the dark thought), she followed her instinct to turn left.</p><p>It was a dark room, and she could not adequately guess what it had once been; too much humidity had transformed it, the darkness encompassing, which helped her get to the glowing green light she’d been looking for all along: the Sith wayfinder. </p><p>It was a pyramid-like artifact, dots lining its insides which Rey could guess to be stars and planets. It shone on her face, and for a moment she wondered what an outsider might see: if her expression was adequately terrified, or if she looked as entranced as she felt.</p><p>Either answer scared her.</p><p>A shadow fell beside her, and looking up…</p><p>Rey saw herself.</p><p>Another version, she was sure. Wasn’t certain if it was her future self, or an alternate reality of who she would’ve been had she made different choices. Still, this Rey had on a black cowl, and her face didn’t look all too kind; <em>Sith</em>, something inside of her whispered, just as the other version of herself struck out with a lightsaber Rey barely caught with her own.</p><p>They caught each other’s gaze, only the other version of her hissed and struck again, forcing Rey back and making her drop the wayfinder.</p><p>It rolled away much too far, a feat for having sharp angles. Rey scrambled after it, but it was too late: Kylo had it in one of his gloved hands.</p><p>Seeing him made her heart jerk in her chest as if it was a habit, and she was quick to take him in; no mask this time, no new scars, though he seemed to be just as damp as her from the ride in.</p><p>His eyes were… apologetic.</p><p>“I’m sorry about what I said, Rey. You shouldn’t have found out that way, even if it’s true.”</p><p>Rey patted her hip to check the lightsaber was still there: it was.</p><p>“Give it to me.”</p><p>Kylo’s fingers tightened around it, his mouth hardening.</p><p>“The dark side is in our nature. Surrender to it.”</p><p>Maybe then they’d see eye to eye; maybe then, she’d finally come back to him.</p><p>“Give it… to me.”</p><p>Rey was breathing hard, eyes trained on his as she watched him assess her stance and intentions. He probably thought she was here on behalf of the Resistance; she wasn’t. While they had similar end goals in mind, the motivation for them was different. They wanted to save the galaxy; Rey wanted to save Ben Solo.</p><p>She was convinced now that, no matter how much she insisted otherwise, he <em>wasn’t</em> after all the man he pretended to be. She’d tried respecting who he said he was —a man who leaned towards a darker side, who killed mercilessly, whose morals were twisted and wrong.</p><p>It was easy to fall into bad habits and hurtful thoughts; those who held up virtues such as justice, honesty and love had to constantly fight not to stray. She’d realized this when she woke up in Ahch-To, there because of supposedly good people; they thought that the ends justified the means, that once chosen you could not fall, that they were pure and right. They weren’t. They were no better than the First Order, willing to sacrifice a girl for their purpose.</p><p>Kylo had lived consistently true to himself, though he hadn’t known who he was. Meeting his parents, Rey realized who he was: a Solo. One on a different path, one who had to fight back demons who’d gripped him too tight for too long.</p><p>But his warmth had never waned, his passion wasn’t twisted but inherited, and his heart was capable of the love he’d grown up seeing, however infrequent it had been.</p><p>“The only way you’re getting to Exegol is with me,” Kylo stated solemnly before crushing with one hand the wayfinder (had Rey been in any mind for <em>that</em>, she would’ve shot him a heated look while biting her lip for that exhibition of power).</p><p>“<em>No!</em>” Rey screamed, not even pausing to know what Kylo was going to say after that (impressive) show of strength.</p><p>
  <em>(“You’re not getting there by yourself because Palpatine is powerful enough to beat one of us, but two might be enough. I’m not risking your life, Rey. It means everything to me.”)</em>
</p><p>Angrily, Rey swung first her lightsaber, which Kylo smoothly avoided by swinging back, his hands clasped behind him. The ease with which he fought infuriated her further, making her take another swing at him.</p><p>They kept this up for a short while, Rey managing to force Kylo into releasing his lightsaber in order to ward her off; she might not have had his experience, but she was <em>strong</em> damn it.</p><p>They fought despite the waves crashing into them outside, despite neither wanting to hurt the other, despite their hearts hurting with every strike. In the distance, Rey could spot his X-Wing withstanding wind and water; so, that’s how he got there.</p><p>She jumped to the next part of the floating ship, avoiding an incoming wave; unsurprisingly, Kylo took it without blinking and simply walked through it. However, instead of raising his weapon to keep fighting, he powered it off and clipped it to his waist; he was done fighting her, the move said.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Rey turned hers off; she was done fighting him too.</p><p>“Help me defeat Palpatine,” he called out towards her, still walking in her direction. Rey found herself growing closer to him as well, the look in his eye making something in her ache. They kept inching towards each other. “We can take the throne, we can run away. I don’t care anymore, Rey. I just want <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Her heart hiccuped in her chest.</p><p>“What about what <em>I</em> want?” Rey called back, her hands shaking beside her. “What if I no longer want Kylo Ren?”</p><p>It hurt to say, but it was worse to think it. Still, she couldn’t lie to him, not when he’d always been absolutely honest with her. She leveled her gaze, forcing it to be steady as they finally stopped a foot apart from each other.</p><p>She could see the water droplets running down his face, and she itched to lick them away.</p><p>“Then you can have Ben Solo,” he whispered, as always understanding the words left unsaid.</p><p>Kylo Ren wasn’t <em>him</em> anymore, her eyes said. She wanted him always, but not the mantle he’d assumed.</p><p>Rey inched closer.</p><p>“I didn’t leave you,” she whispered, blinking back water droplets falling down her forehead. “I need to know you believe that.”</p><p>He inched closer too.</p><p>“I know; Luke told me. Showed me… when you said you loved me.”</p><p>Her lips trembled before shakily nodding.</p><p>He blinked quickly, his eyes falling to her lips. He wanted to kiss her.</p><p>“I do. I love you.”</p><p>He felt like his heart grew three sizes, because it turned out that seeing it in a memory wasn’t the same as hearing it first hand. A weight vanished from his shoulders, one which had lingered for much too long. </p><p>“I don’t know how to love, Rey. How to receive it,” he admitted, feeling broken for his admission but knowing the woman in front of him would never reproach him for it. They were both beginners in love; neither was surprised by his words.</p><p>His breath left him by the smile she bestowed upon him in return.</p><p>“You <em>do</em> know, Ben.”</p><p>It was the first time she’d ever called him Ben. Rey had always been very careful not to call him that, knowing he felt it a betrayal of her belief in the future and dismissal of the past. He’d never heard the name slip from her lips, and the way she whispered it made his insides curl and tears to escape his eyes. His name sounded wonderful coming from her; it sounded <em>right</em>, like he’d never dropped it. People who’d claimed to love him had called him this, but she was the first he believed blindly. Rey loved him, and she deserved everything.</p><p>Apparently, what she wanted was Ben Solo; it was what he’d give her.</p><p>Lips trembling, he didn’t take his eyes off of her as he unclipped his saber from his belt, nor did he care to see where exactly in the sea it landed when he threw it as hard as his position permitted.</p><p>This was him throwing out his past and remaking the meaning of his name.</p><p>“Kiss me, Ben,” Rey whispered, her eyes shining with unshed tears.</p><p>Ben Solo smiled, and then he did.</p><hr/><p>When the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> approached the destroyed warship in order to get back the reckless Stormtrooper who couldn’t let the pleasure girl get herself killed, they realized two things:</p><p>Kylo Ren was with Rey.</p><p>And,</p><p>Kylo Ren was <em>making out</em> with Rey.</p><p>Startling discovery aside, Jannah (the ex-Stormtrooper who’d found and helped them restore the ship) thought that they made a cute couple, though she wasn’t all that sure who the long-haired guy was.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Finn mumbled, pretending he was about to puke from the visual. What the fuck?</p><p>Poe thought it was kind of sweet, though he didn’t know who the guy was, either.</p><p>When he expressed as much, BB-8 nearly screeched at him that <em>that</em> was Kylo Ren, evil incarnate.</p><p>Oh. Well then. The droid felt strongly about it then.</p><p>The couple stood up when they saw they had a crowd, and to Ben’s surprise, Rey blushed.</p><p>“What is it?” Ben asked, fighting not to give her a goofy smile. He felt he looked dorky that way.</p><p>“I just… they’re going to ask questions,” she said, watching as the <em>Falcon</em> docked on a precarious spot and unloaded Luke from it.</p><p>“So?” Ben shrugged, uncaring as he unclipped his cape and stifling overcoat. He’d never need those again. “Let them ask.”</p><p>Finn, Jannah and Luke reached them at the same time.</p><p>“Get your hands off her!” Finn scowled, only held back by the old Jedi. Ben scowled back.</p><p>“Your Force signature has changed,” Luke noted calmly, switching between landing his gaze on Rey and on Ben. “Will you fight with us against Palpatine?”</p><p>He nodded, which was just as well because Finn would’ve interrupted whatever he said with his tirade.</p><p>“You’re going to let him <em>fight</em>? Because, what? He’s making eyes at Rey? He’s a war criminal! He—”</p><p>“He’s a dyad in the Force, as am I,” Rey interrupted him, narrowing her eyes. “Before it, we’re one entity. Our bond transcends physical and mental barriers. <em>That</em> is how we’re going to beat Palpatine. We are the <em>only ones</em> with a chance of beating him.”</p><p>She saw that now, despite how badly she’d wanted to spare him the battle. But it was true; they’d die without the other watching their back; their power would not be enough alone.</p><p>They had to to this together.</p><p>Luke hummed, still watching the two carefully. Just as Rey was getting ready to throw something at his head (she hadn’t quite forgiven him for the whole kidnapping business, obviously), he extended a lightsaber towards Ben.</p><p>“This was your mother’s,” Luke said, explaining how Leia had been forced to stop her Jedi training when she sensed completing that path would lead to Ben’s death. “Use it.”</p><p>Finn and Jannah were gaping at the old hermit, but Luke simply told them to get a head start towards the Falcon and to explain to Poe they’d have one more guest.</p><p>Reluctantly, they did.</p><p>“Grab the wayfinder,” Luke said, motioning towards the X-Wing. “Help us lead the Resistance to Exegol. Once this is over we can talk about what happens next.”</p><p>Nervously, Ben took Rey’s hand in his, nearly in a death grip.</p><p>“I’m not ready to see my parents yet,” Ben admitted, grateful for the answering reassuring squeeze Rey gave him.</p><p>Luke pursed his lips.</p><p>“Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll need time to recover, once they know you have returned. After, though. After.”</p><p>It was how the prodigal son returned home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Geez, we're nearing the end people! Hopefully, you liked my Bendemption. It was important for me to have these babies forgive and forget. </p><p>Thanks so much, as always, for your kind words, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions. You make me feel warm inside. </p><p>'Til Friday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Death of an Empire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author saves Ben Solo because JJ wouldn't.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Omg can you feel the end approaching? Only a few more chaps to go. </p><p>As always, thank you so much for the kudos, comments and bookmarks. They mean the world.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Rey died, she didn’t expect to feel so warm.</p><p>She’d been fighting, so of course her body was hot from the exercise; still, you’d think your temperature would drop after having the Force sucked out of you and seeing the love of your life thrown out into an abyss unceremoniously.</p><p>As it turned out, death was warmer than life. </p><hr/><p>†®</p><hr/><p>It had almost been too much, planning how their fight with the old Emperor would proceed without worrying about what was going to happen <em>outside</em>. True to Luke’s word, Leia and Han hadn’t been informed about the return of their son, his Force signature cloaked by Rey’s; instead, Rey and Ben had stayed with the <em>Falcon</em> while the rest of the crew left to explain the situation to the rest: how they had found the wayfinder, that time was of the essence, that they should leave right now if they had any hope of saving the galaxy.</p><p>While everyone else had hashed out the details, Rey and Ben had talked things out as well.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>“Ben,” Rey whispered, coming to sit next to him on the Dejarik table’s booth. His shoulders were hunched and he was biting down on his bottom lip; when he felt her next to him, he immediately reached out blindly to hold onto her hand. It made flutters erupt inside her stomach; she wondered how long she’d feel so moved the novelty of his kind touch. “What is it?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just worrying,” Ben said, eyes trained on the table in front of him. “What will happen afterwards. What my parents will say, what will happen to me. To… us.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She ran her free hand through his dark locks, exposing his left ear; she pressed a kissed to it, then maneuvered so she was on his lap facing him, her arms around his neck.</em>
</p><p><em>“I can’t speak for the rest,” Rey said, making sure he was looking into her eyes as she spoke. The dark brown was lighter than usual, and the intensity of his gaze made the blood burn in her veins as usual. “But I </em>can<em> tell you </em>I’m<em> not going anywhere.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“But—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey was quick to hush him with a kiss, quick and forceful. When she pulled back, he just blinked. His eyes had darkened, his usually controlled breath a beat faster. Rey had never had any power over anyone, but perhaps she did over Ben Solo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t overthink it. I love you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He blushed, very faintly but there, and it was enough to make Rey’s heart squeeze and crush herself to his chest, burying her face in his neck and sighing in content when he did the same, snaking his arms around her waist and squeezing. The warmth they shared then would last them a lifetime, they thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was how the rest found them —at first thinking they’d interrupted a quickie, and then trying to come to terms with the fact that the ex-Supreme Leader was hugging a scavenger like she was his salvation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What the fuck,” Poe muttered, thankful he wouldn’t pilot this ship into the fight, and BB-8 beeped back in agreement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck indeed.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The plan had been simple despite the complexity of the situation. They’d fly to Exegol, where they’d drop off Ben and Rey before continuing on to the main fight. The flight to the Unknown Regions had been quick thanks to hyperspeed, but also incredibly nerve-wracking for everyone —except for the dyad. The two of them seemed to be incredibly calm, and that was because they knew they needed their Force energy to be the most balanced it could be.</p><p>So when the ship dropped them off almost right at the entrance of the fortress, Rey had been surprised by Ben’s back stiffening and his hand growing tight around his mother’s lightsaber; he had something to take care of first, he said, and it was then that Rey felt the Knights’ Force signature.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Right, it made sense that the Knights of Ren had betrayed their master, knowing them, since they probably felt that Palpatine had been the stronger choice. Or perhaps they’d never been loyal to Ben at all. Rey could feel how much the betrayal hurt Ben —the knowledge that they weren’t <em>his</em> knights, after all. The knowledge that he couldn’t let them roam free across the galaxy, not with their bloodlust and destruction. So the two of them had just shared a look as Ben motioned the way towards the Sith lord and ran off to a different entrance.</p><p>The moment Rey came to see the throne, sitting high and etched in stone, she found it empty; as if it was waiting for her, it seemed like. That was wrong, though; there was only one seat, and she wouldn’t rule anyone or anything if she was alone.</p><p>A voice thundered nearby, and a hooded creature, much uglier than Snoke had ever been, appeared attached to a metal arm.</p><p>“Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home,” the creature smiled, making Rey push down a shiver. He looked ugly, deformed; it was the darkness shrouding him which distorted his features even further. “I never wanted you dead. I wanted you here… <em>Empress Palpatine</em>.”</p><p>Rey’s first thought was that, of all the last names she’d thought of having, this one had never made it on the list. She’d never wanted it, and yet here they were.</p><p>She renounced it then and there.</p><p>“You will take the throne. It is your birthright to rule… <em>here</em>. It is in your blood. <em>Our</em> blood.”</p><p>Rey didn’t want to be related to this monster; it felt wrong, like a cruel joke of fate. Darth Vader had fallen for love, had vindicated himself for his children. This horrible being had evidently only ever craved power, and as such it was the only thing he had.</p><p>Or thought he had.</p><p>“I haven’t come to lead the Sith… I have come to end them. End <em>you</em>,” Rey said shakily, taking a step back. The air felt much too cold, and it made sense, underground as they were. Her heart was pounding, the adrenaline pumping through her blood preparing her for a fight. There would be no running today. There would be death or there would be victory, but there would be no white flag waved.</p><p>“As a Jedi?” Palpatine asked, the question charged with ages-old feuds and resentments; Rey squared her shoulders, though she knew the fear on her face was visible. She needed Ben; where was he? He had to be <em>here</em>.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Because there was no real word for what she was, and she most certainly did not want to be a Sith. Because despite how much she wanted nothing to do with Luke, the hours spent studying the lives of previous Jedi had been enjoyable and cherished.</p><p>“Your hatred, your anger. I feel it. You want to kill me? That is what <em>I</em> want. Kill me and my spirit will pass into you, as all the Sith live in me… You will be Empress… We will be <em>one</em>.”</p><p>She thought of having that decrepit old Emperor sharing her body —as they went to the loo, as she let gas slip, as she rode Ben into the night— and it angered her, having something so <em>disgusting</em> defile her individuality. She couldn’t help from letting her face spasm in response, though Palpatine kept talking.</p><p>“With your hatred, you will take my life. And you will ascend.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, finally taking one small step closer.</p><p>“You want my hatred, but I won’t give it to you. You’re not worth it.”</p><p>An ugly expression twisted his face even further, making him spit out something about the weakness within her parents. She retorted that they were strong, and Palpatine thought it’d cut deep to tell her the only family he had here was himself; a mistake, because she was reminded of the man currently fighting a different battle, lifting her heavy heart.</p><p>Not all family was blood; some was acquired, and who was closer to you than your soulmate?</p><p>This angered her (ugh) grandfather, who in a show of power opened the stone roof to show the night sky filled with war and death: the Resistance was being crushed under Palpatine’s fleet, and though there was no love lost between her and the people who’d kidnapped her, Rey was aware that all they’d wanted was to free the galaxy from exactly this fate. They were soldiers in a battle that should have ended long ago, and she was the descendant of the man pulling strings behind the curtains.</p><p>“They don’t have long,” he rumbled, making her shudder and tense. “No one is coming to help them. And you are the one who led them here. Strike me down. Take the throne, reign over a new empire… and the fleet will be yours. Only <em>you</em> have the power to save them! Refuse, and the galaxy’s last hope… <em>dies</em>." </p><p>Knowing that the <em>Resistance</em> wasn’t the last hope, she simply nodded; she needed to make time for Ben to reach her, and she could already feel him getting closer. So she half-heard the old fart make some speech about how she’d revive the Sith (which she thought was awfully presumptuous of him, given that he didn’t know the first thing about her), how he waited for her lightsaber to strike him with a too-calm face amid the echoes of acolytes chanting, as if he’d known even thirty years ago that this was where everything would culminate.</p><p>Imagine his surprise when, despite how badly she wanted to, instead she chose to take out the guards.</p><p>Her legs felt lighter; Ben was here, she knew, and the guard fallen by his hand was proof enough.</p><p>She’d have to heal that cut on his face, she pondered to herself as he grew closer; she liked his face unmarked.</p><p><em>Kriff</em>, she loved him.</p><p>Shoulder to shoulder, the two turned to face Emperor Palpatine, the bane of their existence. So much had grown wrong thanks to him; it was only fair they ended him as one.</p><p>This infuriated the monster, who raised both hands in preparation for his attack.</p><p>“Stand together, <em>die together!</em>”</p><hr/><p>When Ben found Rey’s lifeless body, uncaring for his broken bones and scarce energy, he curled around her, needing to hug her in whatever shape they were. They were a dyad, they were infinite; he could not be without her. <em>Would</em> not. He fought back tears, and he thought the only reason he didn’t cry was because of the numbness threatening to overtake his body. It felt like he was cut in half, and everyone knew no half could exist by itself.</p><p>“If you die for her, the bond will break,” Ben heard, but he did not turn to see his uncle approach as he pulled back Rey a little, cradling her neck.</p><p>“I have to. She needs to survive… she’s a <em>survivor</em>. She’s meant for more than this.”</p><p>“She is,” Luke agreed, coming to a stop next to the fallen heroes. “Which is why <em>I</em> should do it.”</p><p>Dropping on his knees, Luke placed his left hand on top of Ben’s which was placed on Rey’s stomach, and his right on her forehead.</p><p>“You would… die for her?”</p><p>Luke took a deep breath, looking up into the eyes of his nephew.</p><p>So many things left unsaid, Luke knew. His apologies were meaningless, but he hoped that this one act would at least bring his family a little peace.</p><p>“I would die for <em>you</em>, Ben. And you would die for her.”</p><p>There was so much Ben wanted to say, but they were running out of time if they wanted to breathe life back into her. When he thought about it, he really had nothing left to say to his uncle; Rey had said it all in his stead, and the look the Jedi was giving him conveyed that knowledge. They both knew that even in death their relationship would never be the same, but that was ok. Not everyone was meant to give impressive last words before dying, and not every broken thing could be fixed.</p><p>“It’s alright, Ben. I’ve lived a long life. Just…” Luke gave a small smile, one that was just like the one Ben remembered seeing as a little boy and Luke hadn’t had such a stick up his ass. It was carefree, a little mischievous, eyes shining. “Give Leia my love.”</p><p>That’s when Ben felt peace filter through him, mending the bruises and cuts and broken bones even as Luke shared his life Force with Rey. Something no one but Luke Skywalker was capable of doing.</p><p>Ben remembered feeling like this once, when he’d managed to meditate successfully for the first time as a teenager. Feeling like your mind was emptied, your joints loosened, the anger inside being wiped clean and replaced by nothingness. He’d never been able to achieve this state again, too angry and volatile to permit feelings to vacate him, but he recognized what his uncle was doing; showing him the way to restfulness, showing him that even he after all his deeds he could still reach a balance.</p><p>The flow stopped, and he felt a smaller and thinner hand clasp around one of his fingers, the rest of his hand covered by Luke’s.</p><p><em>So that’s why I was warm</em>, Rey thought as she looked between uncle and nephew, sitting up very quickly for someone whose soul had vacated their body only seconds ago.</p><p>
  <em>I was surrounded by love.</em>
</p><p>Momentarily forgetting the Jedi, Rey couldn’t help her eyes from watering as her hand cupped Ben’s cheek.</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered, and when she saw the relief on his face she couldn’t help a smile suddenly spreading across her face. His face was sweaty, dirty, bloody, beautiful, unmarked. She loved him.</p><p>It was easy pulling in for a kiss that was much too short for either of them, but when they pulled back?<br/>Rey’s breath left her body at the smile he gave her.</p><p>The biggest she’d ever seen on him, with crinkles and everything around his eyes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life seeing that smile.</p><p>Ben broke their stare to look past Rey, and it was only then that she noticed the hermit kneeling there, looking awfully at peace.</p><p>“Thank you, Luke,” Ben choked out, one of his hands still cradling Rey’s neck and the other one around her waist.</p><p>Skywalker smiled peacefully.</p><p>“The balance is right again,” Luke whispered, and when Ben blinked next the man had disappeared, leaving only his clothes.</p><p>He was gone, one with the Force.</p><p>Ben sobbed, clinging tightly to Rey —and she hugged him back just as fiercely, knowing they needed each other now more than ever.</p><p>She was grateful to be alive, thankful for Luke’s sacrifice, exhausted from the last year of her life.</p><p>In love with the man holding her like the most delicate desert flower.</p><p>Ben felt guilty about letting another death that wasn’t his take place, grateful that it had been his uncle’s choice, relieved he wouldn’t spend a day of his life without Rey existing in the same reality as his. That would have been unbearable —impossible.</p><p>He kept sobbing, but Rey heard every breath and sniffle for what it was:</p><p>
  <em>I love you, I love you, I love you.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I did that. Hihi. Wonder what'll happen to our star-crossed lovers?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. A Tall Tale</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author brings forth the fluff.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The First Order was gone.</p><p>The entire galaxy rejoiced at the end of a reign of terror, and the air <em>felt</em> littered with cheer. When Rey and Ben met up with Finn, the first thing the ex-Stormtrooper did was ask Skywalker’s whereabouts.</p><p>“He’s gone,” Rey whispered, looking from Finn to BB-8, her face ashen and bloodied. “He sacrificed himself for me.”</p><p>Finn knew this to be true, even if the scavenger did not explain herself. He’d felt her life be snuffed out in the Force, only to flicker back as Luke Skywalker’s faded out. Still, he’d needed to ask, if only for the confirmation.</p><p>The shock of her statement remained even as they set course for Ajan Kloss, though Finn wasn’t sure if he should let Kylo Ren loose without handcuffs, or even know where they were going.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Rey snapped back. “First off, that’s not his name anymore. It’s Ben Solo. Second of all, without him Palpatine would still be alive. And third, who’s he going to report the base location to? The First Order is <em>gone</em>.”</p><p>She was unwilling to leave Ben alone, but she also knew Finn needed a copilot; so with Ben’s gentle push and reassurance that he wanted to wipe off his face, Rey reluctantly made her way to the cockpit.</p><p>“It’s not going to be easy, you know,” Finn said, this time with a much gentler tone. He looked straight ahead, as if the words were just as difficult to say as they were to hear. “People aren’t going to accept him, even if you and the General forgive him. He’s done too much damage, hurt too many people.”</p><p>Rey knew he was right, but it still wasn’t something she wanted to hear. She wanted people to see him as he was, as everything she loved. It would be extremely difficult, but her fervent optimism told her it wasn’t impossible.</p><p>“I’m not saying he shouldn’t be… punished,” Rey said, though the thought hurt her. She knew he’d already been punished enough to last five lifetimes, and though she itched to let everyone know, she knew it wasn’t her story to tell. “I’m aware of everything that happened, but I still think he’s capable of proving himself different. He deserves a second chance, Finn. He’s not a bad man.”</p><p>Finn shook his head, preparing for the jump. He set his jaw stubbornly.</p><p>“He’s not a good man, either.”</p><p>The rest of the ride back to base was spent quietly; not because either one of them was angry, but because they were each reflecting on everything that had happened. Finn, on the end of a war which had been all too similar to the last. Wondering if now he’d have time to find out what happened to his family, if Poe would be willing to tag along on the adventure (and if so, in what capacity). Rey, wishing she could be alone with Ben so she could cling to him like she wanted to, check his body for wounds and bruises and cover them in kisses. Promise him nobody would ever hurt him again.</p><p>They arrived at Ajan Kloss along with countless other ships, and below them they saw weary soldiers celebrating the news, relieved and tearful faces thankful to be alive and see the galaxy thrive in freedom. Rey knew from experience that during the months Kylo had taken command of the First Order, he’d made his priority cracking down on corruption, restoring trade routes and economies, making sure education was met in obscure planets. He’d been a <em>good</em> leader, though she knew from word of mouth that the moment she disappeared he’d gotten… sidetracked. She hoped some would realize that Ben had been different from his predecessor, though perhaps that was too much to ask for.</p><p>The moment the <em>Falcon</em> touched base, Finn shot out in his hurry to reunite with Poe. Rey finished shutting off the ship, smiling when she felt Ben come up to take the pilot’s seat.</p><p>He <em>did</em> look cleaner, despite his torn clothes.</p><p>He also looked scared as hell.</p><p>“Are you ok?” Rey frowned, fingers slipping off the buttons as she turned around to watch him.</p><p>Surprising her, he shook his head.</p><p>“I still don’t know if I’m ready to see my parents.” Ben let out a shaky breath, looking at the trees in front of them. “I haven’t… The last time I saw my father, I nearly killed him.”</p><p>Rey reached out a hand and placed it on his forearm, clasping it tightly and making him turn to look at her. She looked fierce.</p><p>“You didn’t. They still love you, Ben. You <em>must</em> know that.” </p><p>It was nice to hear it anyway.</p><p>“But we don’t have to go right now. We can take this ship somewhere and come back when you’re ready to talk. It’s your call.”</p><p>It sounded like an excellent plan, honestly, and he appreciated her suggesting it. Only he wasn’t sure he’d be able to enjoy it without doing this one last thing —and he knew that, wherever he and Rey went to after this, it would be their first and last trip together. There was too much he had to repent for, and he knew his deeds would never go unpunished.</p><p>So, he stood up and extended a hand towards Rey —no gloves this time.</p><p>“Come on. Let’s go face them.”</p><p>Hand in hand, Rey and Ben walked amid the celebrations, knowing that no one but a handful of people knew that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were one and the same. People hugged them unexpectedly, and Rey laughed every time someone tried hugging Ben —they’d quickly switch gears towards Rey after seeing his glare, but the menacing aura he emitted would make them let her go quickly. Ben, even before his fall, had never been much for physical contact.</p><p>They reached the nucleus of the camp where Han, Leia and Chewie were smiling without much joy at the fighters. Leia had probably felt Luke’s death in the Force, and it was likely she thought that Ben had been among those dead (or nearly so) from the First Order. He saw from the distance how his parents were trying to be good leaders, but the grief was too heavy on them; one loss was too many, but two must have felt devastating.</p><p>It was why when he and Rey came to a stop in front of them, he wasn’t surprised by the tears that filled Han and Leia’s eyes.</p><p>“Ben,” Leia whispered, her first time seeing her son in many years. He looked so much older than the boy she’d last known him as, and once more her heart mourned all the lost time between them; today, however, there was also an overwhelming feeling of relief and gratitude. She slid her eyes towards the scavenger girl, looking bloodied and tired but happy. Leia smiled at her, unable to hold back the fondness that clasped her heart. “You brought him home.”</p><p>Rey gave a small smile back, taking a small peek at Ben’s profile.</p><p>“He brought <em>himself</em> back, General.”</p><p>Leia’s smile widened, and it was then that Rey noticed the tears slipping down her face. Even now, she looked the image of grace.</p><p>“Leia, dear.”</p><p>Taking small steps towards him, Leia was met halfway by Ben, who engulfed his mother in a warm hug; she cradled the back of his neck carefully, her other arm reaching around his broad shoulders. She felt his vitality, his relief of being welcomed back, and she couldn’t hold back the sob when Han (the man who thought it was enough to reply <em>I know</em> to a heartfelt confession of love) joined in on the hug, enveloping his wife and son in the tightest hug of their lives.</p><p>Rey laughed when Chewie, unable to contain himself more than a few seconds, picked all of them up to be included in the hug as well.</p><p>When the Wookiee set them down, Rey’s heart squeezed to see the same wide smile on Ben’s exhausted face; now, Han and Leia each cupped a cheek, and they were staring at him as though he was their sun and stars. Rey knew they’d fight later; that family had a hard time playing nice, but this moment was one that she would carry with herself until the day she perished. Everyone looked younger, and lovely, and filled with hope. As if all was finally right in the world, even though fires still burned outside.</p><p>“Damn it kid, you made me cry,” Han coughed out, letting out a wet laugh to hide his vulnerability. “Come on, can’t let the young ones see me like this. Let’s go to the tent.”</p><p>For a moment, Rey thought they meant just the three of them —or even the four of them counting Chewie— but when Ben immediately reached out to hold her hand, she knew that she had every right to be a part of this conversation.</p><p>If Ben wanted her there, there she was; she slipped her hand in his easily and gave a soft squeeze which was promptly returned.</p><p>When they reached the tent, Ben couldn’t help but let out a sharp, short laugh.</p><p>“I see you’re still messy as ever, mom,” Ben said, uncaring for anything as he plopped down on the floor, sitting cross-legged, and tugged Rey down to sit on his lap. For once, there was nothing sexual about it; he needed to feel her weight in order to have the conversations that would follow.</p><p>“I’m always fixin’ up her side, but it’s like that after twenty minutes,” Han grumbled, this time sitting down on the floor in front of Ben and Rey. He raised an eyebrow. “That necessary, kids?”</p><p>Ben nodded.</p><p>“She’s my shield.”</p><p>Rey really was.</p><p>Then Leia came to sit down next to Ben, and Chewie next to Han. They all knew, even after all these years, that anything that had to be said would include Han’s lifelong copilot; they kept no secrets from each other, anyway (something that used to drive Leia mad), so there was no sense in asking the Wookiee to step out.</p><p>Besides, as far as listeners went, Chewie was pretty good.</p><p>Leia placed a delicate hand on his knee, leaning so she could look at her son.</p><p>“Tell us <em>everything</em>,” Leia commanded, and so Ben did. </p><p>He left nothing out of his story, from the time he arrived at Luke’s school, to his days within it, hearing Palpatine’s (or was it Snoke’s?) voice in his head, waking up to find his uncle perched over him with a lightsaber. Feeling inadequate, out of control; the grief and relief it caused him to learn he was Darth Vader’s grandson, the anger about finding out through someone else.</p><p>Running away from the Jedi praxeum, the accidental death of his friend, defeating Ren and assuming his mantle. Joining Snoke, who hashed out abuse as though it was necessary and enough praise to keep him hooked. Fighting with himself every step of the way for not being good enough, for not being <em>bad</em> enough either.</p><p>Meeting Rey, and how everything changed after that.</p><p>(The official job description had been redacted and exchanged for ‘unspecific job aboard the <em>Finalizer</em>’)</p><p>The plans she’d stopped, how he’d turned a blind eye because truthfully he’d been <em>relieved</em>. How, for the first time, he’d felt wanted. Finding out about their bond, training her to be the best fighter she could be. Killing Snoke because he would never hurt Rey.</p><p>The months of rebuilding a new and better First Order, and all the plans he’d had for the galaxy —plans he knew his parents were surprised to hear, because they were smart and beneficial to everyone. Losing Rey and feeling like a warped, empty version of himself that wanted to defeat the world which had taken her from him.</p><p>Finding Palpatine. Hurting Rey, finding out the truth from Luke. Hurting Rey even more, only to find out she loved him, and how that had blown away all his wishes to follow Darth Vader’s footsteps, leaving only the overpowering desire to protect Rey’s world. Killing Palpatine at the expense of Rey’s life (he choked on this part, gripping Rey tightly to calm down), and how Luke sacrificed his life for them.</p><p>Arriving here.</p><p>The story was long, as all good stories were, so by the time that Ben stopped talking night had fallen and they’d lit up the lights, hearing happy drunkards cheering outside that the war was over. No one was hungry, the mood too heavy to let them think of much else.</p><p>Han and Leia were still, the tears already dried on their face. Chewie was hunched in on himself, as if he too blamed himself for all the misery that had befallen Ben Solo. The man in question had his face buried in Rey’s neck, as if he was afraid of facing everyone around him.</p><p>Rey was glad that Ben couldn’t see her tear-streaked cheeks.</p><p>When someone spoke, it was Leia.</p><p>“Anakin’s best feature was his ability to redeem himself,” Leia said softly, placing her hand once more on Ben’s knee. “Yours, my beautiful boy, is not losing your heart.”</p><p>Ben squeezed Rey harder, to the point of pain; she didn’t mind, because it meant her body was useful to him, and the pain was the kind that felt good because it meant he was letting out his pain.</p><p>“We’ve missed you <em>so</em> much, son,” Han said, and Chewie echoed the words.</p><p>“Will you forgive us?” Leia asked, tucking a strand of hair behind his ears. She’d missed looking at them, always thinking back to that little boy who begged to grow his hair out so they’d hide them.</p><p>“For what?” Rey asked softly when Ben pushed the question into her mind, unable to voice it himself. He was too emotional to verbalize his feelings.</p><p>“For not knowing; for knowing and not doing enough or anything at all. For failing you,” Leia said, voice tight with even more unshed tears. She felt a wound the size of Ben’s scars in her heart; she didn’t even know how to begin to heal it. If it could ever be fixed.</p><p>“There’s nothing to forgive,” Rey said, once more speaking on Ben’s behalf. “The moment he saw you, he made peace with the past.”</p><p>Perhaps it was oversimplifying; the family still had a lot of issues and heartache to hash out, but at that moment, nothing else seemed to matter.</p><p>When it was time for sleep and Ben suggested sleeping outside, Leia shook her head furiously and clasped his hand, a deadly serious look in her eye. In Rey’s eyes, she looked every bit the general and fearsome Rebel she’d been known to be.</p><p>“I haven’t seen you in years, Ben. Please, sleep here with us.”</p><p>He was a thirty-year-old man; he’d commanded armies, killed enemies, made underlings cry. But at that moment, he was seven-years-old and he’d been given the ok to sleep in his parents’ bed after a nightmare.</p><p>Everyone huddled together; Ben in the middle, Leia to his left and Han to his right, their arms enveloping his chest and waist. Chewie slept at their feet, and Rey curled at Ben’s head, fingers raking through his hair.</p><p>Rey waited for Ben to fall asleep, lightly brushing her mind against his.</p><p>That night, she had no need for pushing out a nightmare.</p><p>He was already dreaming, safe and sound.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First of all, thanks so much for all the support. </p><p>I'm sorry I haven't gone through the comments, but it's been a crazy few days and I hardly see that changing this week, so I'll be a little slow in answering them all. Bear with me. I'm sure I'll get the next chapter up on Friday as usual, but I make no promises because I haven't gone through it for mistakes. </p><p>Have a great week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. A Weight Lifted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author gives ye smut and fluff.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning after the end of the war, Ben and Rey were rudely woken up before first light and instructed to spend the next three days in Naboo.</p><p>She still had a house there, Leia’d explained as she shoved them out towards the <em>Falcon</em>; she would speak with her contacts from the High Court and see what could be done about Ben’s sentence. He couldn’t roam free, Leia explained, after all he’d done; he’d spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder worrying if someone recognized him. But she could look to have a kinder sentence handed out, given the help he’d been in ending the war and the extenuating circumstances of Snoke’s manipulation from an early age.</p><p>Ben had looked nervous, and as soon as they were aboard Han’s ship (which the old smuggler might as well say goodbye to with how little he’d used it the last year) Rey was quick to reassure him.</p><p>“Where you go, I go.”</p><p>For once giving up command, Rey let Ben pilot the <em>Millennium Falcon</em> towards his childhood vacation home (such a foreign concept to her, truly, that such abundance existed in the galaxy). They spent most of the flight in companionable silence, only interrupted by Rey wondering at the amounts of green and blue she saw. Ben felt her joy as his own, and he only grew lighter when they arrived at Padmé’s old house and docked comfortably in the backyard. The landing was smooth, and Rey thought about what a skilled pilot Ben was.</p><p>Leia still had the house cleaned once every month, so when they arrived it was shiny and just as huge as Ben remembered. Rey’s mouth gaped, only then remembering she was still bloody from the fight.</p><p>“Come on,” Ben tugged her hand, urging her inside the house. Mansion, more like. Silently, she let him lead her towards the master bedroom, where Ben was quick to shed their clothes and turn on the shower (thank the gods, because Rey would <em>not</em> have been satisfied with the sonic) to the appropriate temperature.</p><p>Inside, Rey let Ben wash away the dried blood on her, clean her hair and body (Leia must’ve sent someone ahead to replenish the essentials), and didn’t even complain much when he swatted her hands away as she tried cleaning him as well. His hands on her body felt nice, but she enjoyed even more watching him as his eyes closed and he ran his fingers through his hair, running soap throughout his body with a calmness she’d rarely ever seen on him.</p><p>When he opened his eyes, he found her staring at his face intently, making him fight a self-conscious blush; this was why he’d never liked showering with her, given how aware he was of his flaws standing out. How his ears poked out, the way his moles stood out, how his nose took up a prominent proportion of his face. He wondered if she regretted not falling in love with someone handsome like the traitor (<em>Finn</em>, he berated himself) or the pilot, stuck instead with a better half who’d only ever been thought handsome by his mother. So not only was he unattractive, he was a moody burden who was likely to get executed or imprisoned for the rest of his life.</p><p>His thoughts straightened out when he saw her give him a small, kind smile.</p><p>She looked… enamored, he thought.</p><p>“You’re so handsome,” Rey whispered, reaching up to trace his eyebrow with his thumb; her eyes seemed to have a hard time settling on just one place to look at. “I don’t think I could’ve helped loving you even if I’d thought you ugly, but you’re not. You’re the best looking man I’ve ever met, Ben Solo.”</p><p>He turned his head to kiss her palm, an overwhelming emotion trying to suffocate him in that moment; he couldn’t name it yet, but the feeling wasn’t all that bad. He even thought it was what he was currently seeing reflected in hazel eyes.</p><p>“You’re the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, Rey. You…” he cleared his throat, lower lip trembling from the effort to let out such vulnerable words. “You’re everything.”</p><p>Rey shut off the water. </p><p>They got out of the shower and dried each other off.</p><p>Still naked, the couple walked towards the bed, where Ben lied down on his back; Rey followed suit, laying down across his body and tucking her head under his chin.</p><p>For the first time ever, they were just Rey and Ben.</p><p>A man and a woman desperately in love who had nothing to do and no worlds to save.</p><p>“I missed you,” Rey said, resting one palm on his chest and the other on his side.</p><p>Running his fingers softly up and down her spine, Ben asked her what she’d missed; not self-deprecating exactly, but curious. He’d been led to believe there was nothing worth liking about him, and here was a woman contradicting his long-held belief.</p><p>“Well, certainly nobody’s got your body,” Rey said teasingly, kissing his collarbone; she swore she could feel him roll his eyes. Luke had been many things, but ‘fit’ wasn’t one of them. “But you’re my match, so I was never bored with you. Fighting, sex, talking, reading… We keep up with each other. I didn’t have that with Luke, obviously. And Luke was a pain in my ass, but he didn’t <em>get</em> me, you know? He still saw the light and the dark force as being separate entities, while I never did. You… For all you’d tried dragging me with you, you never <em>did</em> anything to make me embrace that part, despite what you said. You brought me balance inside, Ben. And you’re funny in a really grumpy way, you listen to me talk about droids for hours, you’re kind to me. What <em>wouldn’t</em> I miss?” Rey asked rhetorically, before answering herself. “Right, the temper tantrums.”</p><p>But she didn’t say that with any real resentment, which made Ben huff out a reluctant laugh. Quickly, Rey looked up so she could catch his smile; this one crinkled his eyes, too.</p><p>“I love that smile,” Rey whispered, balancing herself so she could cup his face. His smile didn’t drop, though his eyes grew infinitely softer. “I think it’s what I love most about you.”</p><p>“Not my giant cock?” Ben asked, and Rey was so surprised by the teasing question that she burst out laughing (might’ve spit on his face a little, what can you do) and dropped to his side, squealing happily when Ben dug his fingers in her sides and made her laugh harder.</p><p>“You’re so crass!” Rey giggled, trying to protect her stomach from his attack. He relented, instead rolling so he was lying with his torso on top of her, his chin on her chest. Rey looked up, straightening her neck, smile twitching. “Stop. You can see my double chin.”</p><p>She knew he hid his smile by kissing her sternum, and she dug her fingers into his hair. She wondered how long this playful Ben would last; she loved him in all forms and shapes, but this man… He made her feel lovable.</p><p>Like she really just was a twenty-year-old on vacation with her hot boyfriend.</p><p>Life was so <em>heavy</em> all the time, Rey thought as she untangled Ben’s hair, humming as he leaned to rest his cheek instead, breath hot against her breast. She thought of how few the light-hearted moments were —the laughs, the teasing, the dumb and startling comments (attributed almost entirely to C-3PO). Everyone took themselves so <em>seriously</em> all the time, and more often than not she was guilty as charged. Life in Jakku had been an endless desert with the single-minded objective of survival; there was nothing amusing about that. Then she got involved in the war, and in contrast to the severity of the situation she’d learned to understand sarcasm and make the occasional joke. Still, the air had been heavy all the time —perhaps it was the infinity of the stars, or the darkness of the rooms and how the dark side took the whole ‘obscure’ thing to heart.</p><p>Or perhaps it was the moments which shaped the surroundings. Back in Ahch-To, where she wasn’t mistreated but was all too aware of her imprisonment, she hadn’t felt light. She’d been weighed down by worry and heartache in fact. Back in the throne room, in that moment where Snoke and his guards were dead and Kylo hadn’t yet proclaimed himself new ruler, she’d felt peaceful. The previous day, under the starry sky and curled around Ben and his family, she’d felt as though she could float.</p><p>Perhaps it was all about perception.</p><p>She’d never had a family, but now she could reason with herself that a place did not make a home, but those around you. Maybe this wasn’t a new revelation for most sentient beings, but for Rey it was the most startling thought she’d had in a while.</p><p>She had a <em>home</em> in Ben.</p><p>“I can feel you thinking,” Ben mumbled after a while, wrapping his arms under her waist tightly.</p><p>“I just… don’t you feel lighter? Like you’ve let go of some stone you’ve been dragging around all your life?”</p><p>Ben considered this, nodding after a beat.</p><p>“Sure I do. My stone has been my anger for so long, I feel a little lightheaded without it.”</p><p>Rey laughed softly.</p><p>“You and I will be ok. Even if you’re shipped off to prison, we can still see each other through the bond. I’ll keep sending you dreams, and you send me handwritten letters, deal?”</p><p>Instantly, Ben leaned up on his hands, looking down at Rey. He looked surprised, lips parted, and she wondered what she’d said that had been so odd.</p><p>“The dreams… that was you?” Ben breathed, and despite the seriousness of the question, she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Of course, Solo. Who else did you think it was? My grandfather?”</p><p>Rey would’ve continued, but she couldn’t after Ben pressed a bruising kiss to her lips. It tasted of warmth, soap and love.</p><p>Even though she was a little dry, Rey didn’t even flinch when he pressed himself inside her; he didn’t move after that, just letting her adjust once more to his size. His tongue pressed inside her mouth, hands moving to clasp her small breasts; they were a mess of fluids and tongues, but neither cared much for technique right then.</p><p>Slowly, Rey opened her legs so Ben could rest more comfortably inside her, hooking her ankles behind his back, arms going up to catch at the shorter hair at the base of his neck. She trailed her kisses up to his right ear, gasping when he gave in the final push so he was rooted to the hilt and tugging at his hair in response.</p><p>“Tell me you’ll never fuck anyone else,” Ben mumbled in her ear.</p><p>“No one.”</p><p>“You’ll never love anybody else.”</p><p>“No one.”</p><p>“Tell me you’re mine.”</p><p>Rey squeezed her muscles, making his breathing stutter.</p><p>“Yours.”</p><p>“Forever?”</p><p>“And whatever comes after.”</p><p>He pushed in and out slowly, making sure to hit every spot inside, his pubic bone grinding against hers with every thrust. The pace was almost agonizingly slow, but neither wanted it any faster. This way, they could feel each other endlessly. When Rey could feel her orgasm approaching, she put her lips to Ben’s ear.</p><p>“Tell me you’ll only ever touch me.”</p><p>“Only you.”</p><p>“You’ll only ever love me.”</p><p>“Only you.”</p><p>“Tell me you’re mine.”</p><p>“Yours.”</p><p>“Forever?”</p><p>“For eternity.”</p><p>She came in soft waves, breathing out Ben’s name and digging her fingers into his ass. He pounded into her once, twice, four times, and then he came inside her with a grunt, rocking his hips as he emptied his balls in thick spurts.</p><p>Later, when they were satiated and well-fed and sleepy, with Rey’s head resting next to Ben’s as she traced the constellation on his face, he turned watery eyes to hers.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Whatever he was about to say, she already knew: his eyes said it all.</span></p><p>Words were hard, but they needed to be said.</p><p>He had no doubt now.</p><p>“I love you, Rey.”</p><hr/><p>Three days after Palpatine’s defeat, Ben Solo stood trial in Coruscant for his crimes as Master of the Knights of Ren, Snoke’s apprentice and previous Supreme Leader.</p><p>It was a closed trial, one where no one but the defendant, lawyers, prosecutors, jury and judge could be. Han, Leia, Rey and Chewie stood outside, knowing that whatever happened now was out of their hands.</p><p>Ben Solo sat straight through it all, never cowering before anyone nor pleading innocence where there was none. His lawyer spoke of his accomplishments: stopping the Hosnian Prime destruction (a slight twist of the truth Rey insisted on), killing Snoke, the trade routes he’d begun as Supreme Leader which would still be used, Palpatine’s final defeat. Ben’s lawyer had insisted on speaking of the hazards he’d faced as a child, the near-murder from his only uncle, but Ben had refused to speak on that; he knew that people had a certain perception of his parents, and for better or worse he wanted to maintain it.</p><p>The jury deliberated for a long, long time. Almost all of the First Order’s high command was gone, and the people would always thirst for blood. Execution had been outlawed many years ago, and imprisonment for life seemed unfitting for one who’d, at the end of the day, helped end the war. Besides, General Leia Organa <em>had</em> personally pleaded on behalf of her son, and that scavenger girl from Jakku <em>had</em> attested to Kylo Ren’s character and position as a pawn.</p><p>More than that, none could see in the boy’s face (for he <em>was</em> barely more than a boy in the eyes of many) any malice or contempt. Besides, his parents <em>had</em> fought against the war on both occasions, and the heroes had suffered so much with their son’s betrayal. There was no one in the galaxy who hadn’t heard the name Leia Organa or Luke Skywalker, and being their family was a burden many were sure would have been hard to fight against.</p><p>A decision came to be at nearly midnight, and it was then that they allowed Ben Solo’s confidants to enter the room, all of them with varying degrees of worry.</p><p>It was a Cerean who stood up to read the decree. She cleared her throat, read the charges that the defendant was being faced with, not daring to look up at the family members as she recounted atrocities. When the sentence came, everyone was holding their breath.</p><p>“We hereby decree that Ben Solo, formerly known as Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren and last Supreme Leader of the First Order, is to remain in exile for thirty years within the Outer Rim territory of Tatooine.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, only the epilogue's left. I hope you all liked this development. Obviously, I'd have liked it if Ben didn't get punished, but honestly there's so much to make up for on his part I couldn't let him get away without some form of sentence. </p><p>Thank you so much for the amazing ride with this story, and see you next week for the final chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. The End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The author ends the story.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The best part about Tatooine was the sunsets.</p><p>Whenever Ben walked out of the house, which overlooked sand dunes, he could see as the suns lowered in the sky and traded roles with the moons. Sometimes, when he was alone, he’d just sit down and take it in, wondering what colors he’d see that day. When he had company, he’d wonder if the colors would be reflected in their eyes.</p><p>“Dad! Mom says dinner’s ready!”</p><p>The voice made him turn around from his pondering, and he found his fifteen-year-old daughter, Ana, with her hand on her hip and a set to her mouth that was all Rey. He thanked the Maker every day that only their youngest boy, Kai, got his ears. So far, at seven-years-old, Kai was still too young to care —still, Ben was being cautious and letting the boy’s hair grow out.</p><p>“Coming, honey!” Ben called back, giving the sunset one last look before turning and making his way towards the house’s entrance, walking slowly. The wind blew gently as Ben stepped back inside, just in time to stop with the Force a scrap of metal from poking his eye out; bewildered, he saw his father giving him a sheepish grin as he held a screwdriver to the appliance in Kai’s small hands.</p><p>“Sorry about that, kiddo,” Han shrugged with one of his smirks, coughing as he avoided looking at his son’s scowls.</p><p>“Mother!” Ben hollered furiously, knowing that wherever Leia was she’d be able to hear his yell from the living room. “Your husband nearly poked my eye out!”</p><p>“Han! The boy needs both eyes!” Leia screeched back, coming out of the kitchen to set a plate of some mystery meat in the middle of the table.</p><p>Han and Ben threw each other a dirty glare, and Kai —<em>the traitor, Ben hoped Rey cut his hair short soon</em>— just giggled happily, as if he was glad to be part of the discord.</p><p>Shaking his head, Ben made his way into the kitchen, where he found the rest of his family. Leia was trying to teach Jacen, his thirteen-year-old, and Ana how to cut lettuce without chopping off their fingers. May had a bowl of salad in her hands, and when she bypassed her father, Ben dropped a kiss on the crown of her head before she moved past him. Rey was with Lily, May’s eleven-year-old twin, trying to figure out what was wrong with the dishwasher. His little engineers.</p><p>“Come on you two, let’s figure out how to fix it after dinner,” Ben said, stepping behind Rey and slipping his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her head. She put her hand on top of his forearms, caressing it absentmindedly.</p><p>“But <em>daddy</em>,” Lily whined, and she would have continued if not for the loud growl her stomach let out. She pressed her lips together into a thin line, evidently unhappy her body had betrayed her. “Ok.”</p><p>Rey and Ben laughed, watching as the children and Leia herded themselves out of the kitchen, leaving only the two of them behind.</p><p>“Good day?” Ben asked, releasing his wife enough to turn her and press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Rey smirked.</p><p>“May pulled out a chunk of Lily’s hair today. I healed it, but we’ll have to see if hair grows back there.”</p><p>Ben rolled his eyes, conscious of the little troublemakers his twins were. Well, <em>May</em> was more like; Lily was usually levelheaded, but if May was angry, excited or sad enough, she dragged her twin right along with her. And May was anything but a calm child; right now, she insisted she was going to be a Tusken Rider despite how much her parents insisted she’d missed that ship at conception.</p><p>“Also…” Rey hesitated a moment before continuing, her eyes flickering across her husband’s face. There was a worried set to her mouth, one which had surprisingly appeared more during times of peace than during times of war. Then again, wasn’t parenthood a constant battle during the early years? “Ana couldn’t meditate today, either.”</p><p>Ben closed his eyes tightly.</p><p>Ana Solo had been a happy surprise they’d found out about a month after they’d landed on Tatooine. Despite Ben’s fear that Rey would be unhappy in the desert, she’d simply shrugged and told him that so long as she didn’t have to scavenge for food all was good. So that morning, after three days of Rey being unable to stomach any food (so troubling in her that they started thinking of seeking a healer after the first bout of nausea) they went to the doctor, who confirmed that she was at least three weeks pregnant, given how the implant had stopped pumping hormones as soon as it detected a substance only babies secreted. Would they like him to get the implant out, or would they terminate the pregnancy?</p><p>The two of them had been terrified of the change, but neither considered for a minute not having the child. It was proof of their love (and how stress and weight fluctuations could make an implant fail), and that was enough for them, who were love-starved. Ben had been unable to help the tears from falling as he’d let his palm cup her flat belly, mumbling in her ear that he loved her and that she’d be the best mother ever. They were in the process of buying a house; before his sentencing, Ben had transferred almost all of his credits to Rey, so the money wouldn’t be frozen. Apparently, he’d had little use for the money he’d inherited from his royal grandparents during his stunt as Snoke’s apprentice, so there was a lot saved up.</p><p>There were a few terms to the punishment —how far from his registered home he could go, what jobs (if any) he could take, whether he could hold a lightsaber, etcetera. So, taking all of that into consideration, they were trying to find the best spot to live out the next thirty years, and now they had to consider a child.</p><p><em>Children</em>, Rey had corrected her inner self. <em>I want a big family.</em></p><p>So, having quietly shared their thoughts (<em>“I love you so much, Rey,” he’d repeated</em>), they’d told the doctor they were keeping the baby.</p><p>Shortly after, Han and Leia had arrived declaring that they’d be moving into Luke’s abandoned childhood home, demanding to be close to their grandchild. Then Leia had pulled a few strings and, a few papers signed later, Ben and Rey were Mr. and Mrs. Solo.</p><p>For the first time ever, Ben and Rey wondered if they’d ever be alone again —and neither could stop the grins from plastering on their faces.</p><p>The years had gone by, sometimes too slowly and sometimes in the blink of an eye. Ana had been a difficult pregnancy, and Rey had nearly died in the process; Ben, with a crazy look in his eye that betrayed his past, had sworn he’d never touch her again. Rey had shared the pain of childbirth through the bond for that, and made her own promise of making him live through the rest if he didn’t retract his statement. He had, though he’d fretted tirelessly until he had both child and wife safe in his arms. The moment they’d laid eyes on their beautiful girl, they’d fallen in love all over again —with each other, and with her. Ben wasn’t afraid to admit that for the longest time he’d been afraid of even raising his voice at his daughter, scared of wounding one of the six best things to happen to him.</p><p>Then Ana got a brother, and twin sisters, and finally the youngest brother; after that, Ben agreed to get a vasectomy, not because they would’ve been adverse to more children (when they said Ben agreed to the procedure it was more like he <em>begged</em> Rey to let him have it, who would have kept going had it been up to her), because not only was Ben’s fortune not endless, they wanted to account for whatever dreams their kids had, and being able to afford them.</p><p>Now, it had been nearly sixteen years after the end of the war, and a couple years ago Ben and Rey had agreed that their children should know of the Force (for now, only Ana and Jace) and fighting in order to defend themselves. Though they still didn’t work with lightsabers, Ben usually took over the practical sparring techniques with wooden swords, while Rey made sure the children could connect and be one with the Force. Today had been training on theory and meditation, Jace’s greatest subject and Ana’s weakest.</p><p>“I’ll talk to her,” Ben promised, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to his wife’s lips. At thirty-five, she was pretty much the same girl he’d met; still no gray hairs (though Rey swore that was because she plucked them out), only a stray smile line here and there. To Rey’s ire, after each pregnancy her breasts had returned to their original size, and her hips had only flared minimally; Ben had been grateful for the temporary changes, but he loved his wife’s body as it was much more. He, on the other hand, what with being ten years older, had a lot more grey hair and a few wrinkles around his eyes; Rey hadn’t let him lose shape with their daily sparring, and neither had she approved of the beard the one time he tried it. They were older, but to outsiders, they looked as young as ever.</p><p>The hollers for the two to join them prompted the couple to join others for dinner.</p><p>Sitting down on the huge round table, Ben took in the faces of his family. Uncle Lando had passed away two years ago due to some heart condition, shocking everyone; meanwhile, Chewie was back home with his family for once, though whenever he could he also joined in for dinner. Han and Leia had aged, and Ben knew that Leia was doing her best to hide a nasty cough from the family; still, everyone knew something was wrong. He was grateful for the time he’d had with his parents, having been able to see them mature and fight less, getting used to living at home and just enjoying being alive. Han, surprisingly, had given up the mantle of smuggler a few years back, though he still believed he could pass his skills on to Kai.</p><p>“Dad,” Jace said, holding up a spoon to his mouth. He rolled his eyes, as moody teenagers tended to do. “You’re brooding again.”</p><p>Ben fought a blush while his family laughed, and then they ate.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Knock, knock.</em>
</p><p>“Can I come in?” Ben asked, poking his head through Ana’s bedroom. She was sitting on her bed reading some holo-book in Hutteese; though Ben had considered himself studious as a child, he had nothing on his oldest daughter. He was proud of how smart she was, and he wouldn’t think it a surprise if she decided to become a senator like her grandmother.</p><p>“Is this about meditation?”</p><p>Ben shrugged with a sheepish smile, and with a sigh she shut off the holo. Taking that as the only invitation he was going to get, Ben slipped in and sat down on the edge of the bed.</p><p>“Talk to me, baby,” Ben said softly, letting his hand rest on her covered feet tenderly. She fought a smile, wanting to stick to her role as a sulky teenager.</p><p>“I just… don’t <em>get</em> it, dad. The whole balance thing. I mean, in theory I do. Mom talks about it all the time. But when I close my eyes I just feel…” Ana’s cheeks puffed up in frustration before letting out the air inside. She looked just like Rey, with her hazel eyes and cheeky smile, having only inherited Ben’s hair and height. “… angry.”</p><p>He wasn’t surprised.</p><p>“What about?”</p><p>Blinking, as though she hadn’t expected the follow-up, Ana slid her eyes sideways to stare out the window. Night had settled a few standard hours back.</p><p>“Just… How <em>unfair</em> it is that you’re stuck here. I know mom shows you our trips through your bond, but it’s not the same. Why are you still being punished for something that wasn’t even your fault? There’s nothing wrong with wanting <em>power</em>,” Ana hissed, her eyes burning with something dark and older than her.</p><p>Ben pondered over what to say as he took her in. She was beautiful, and young, and not nearly as dangerous with the Force as he’d been at her age. She’d had nightmares, too, as a newborn; it had nearly driven him and Rey mad with sleep deprivation for a while, until they realized that they could push peaceful memories into her mind to settle her as they held her tightly. Ana’s favorite dreams had been of mountains and oceans, just like her mother.</p><p>“I’m quite grateful to be here, though,” Ben said, smirking at his daughter’s glare. “No, I’m serious. I <em>did</em> deserve it, Ana. I might not be the man who followed a destructive path anymore, but I’m still atoning for all the lives I took. And I agree with you; power isn’t bad. It’s how you get it that makes a difference. Whether you hurt those around you.” Ben rubbed from her ankle to her toe absentmindedly, thinking of all the conversations he’d had with Rey throughout the years. “Your mom and I are grandchildren of powerful men who would have destroyed the galaxy to have power. I tried following in their footsteps, but it was your mom who made me realize that even while I was crowing victory over my achievements, I was always serving another master.”</p><p>Ana frowned, having not heard this part of the story before. She’d thought it had been just their love which had made her dad break away; at least, that’s how they’d always made it seem.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Ben’s brow furrowed, thinking back to all those years ago.</p><p>“The dark side’s danger is making you think that you can have it all. The light side’s downside is believing that you must give everything up to have balance. I wanted everything, including serving no one but myself; my mistake was not realizing that with the dark, you can never have enough. So you end up serving it, doing what you can to make it grow, not knowing you’re a slave to it the whole time,” Ben said thoughtfully. “You know, I nearly killed your grandad. Would have, if not for your mother.”</p><p>Ana’s eyes bugged out.</p><p>“<em>What</em>?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, having forgiven himself some years ago for the person he used to be.</p><p>“It was what the dark side would’ve required of me to push away the light. And it would have destroyed me, but I don’t think I would have struggled any less with the other part of myself. I’ve met few beings who have an absence of light, and the universe is better off without them,” Ben made eye contact with his daughter again, giving her an encouraging smile. “You don’t need to pick a side, baby. I understand your anger, and we can work on that whenever you like; not because it’ll lead you astray, but because I know from experience how tiring it can be. You’re a much better kid than I ever was. And, if all else fails, you’ll always have your mom and I.”</p><p>Ana’s lips flattened, sniffling as she looked down.</p><p>“What if… I can’t fight it?”</p><p>“You can,” Ben said, and the confidence in his voice made her look back up again, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “But if you fall, you’ve got six people to catch you. We love you, baby.”</p><p>Her lips wobbled.</p><p>“What if… I don’t want to train anymore? What if I don’t want to risk it?” she whispered, looking every bit the teenager she was.</p><p>Ben gripped her feet a little tighter.</p><p>“Then we’d be proud of you for choosing your own path.” He stood up, reaching over so he could hug her slim shoulders. “<em>Nothing</em> could make us love you any less. We just want you to be happy.”</p><p><em>Also, please don’t kill me,</em> Ben thought, but he reasoned it was too soon to joke about that.</p><p>“I love you, dad,” Ana said, muffled against his tunic, her smaller hands clutching his shoulders. He squeezed her tighter.</p><p>“I love you too, baby,” he said, leaned up to kiss the crown of her head and pulled away. “We’ll have to find another way to spend time together.”</p><p>Ana rolled her eyes, but it lacked the usual heat.</p><p>“I’m <em>fifteen</em>, dad. It’s lame to hang out with you.”</p><p>Ben laughed.</p><p>“You’ll be singing a different tune when you want to take the speeder out for a ride,” Ben teased, and after a few more bantering words were crossed, he retreated to the master bedroom he shared with his wife.</p><p>He’d thought that sixteen years together would have made him want her less.</p><p>They had disagreements all the time, though they rarely fought; Ben usually pissed her off with his brooding, while her recklessness made him lose his mind. She’d calmed down in that sense ever since having the twins, but she’d still do something dumb like fight with the Crolute father whose son had pushed Kai while at school. Not that Ben didn’t think she was right to do so, or that she couldn’t handle herself, but it was still impulsive and reckless. She’d set up a shop a few years into their residence in the planet; anything that reached her got fixed, be it a ship or a droid. She was the best at it, which meant she was also constantly fighting off angry competitors. As for his broodiness, it was a hard habit to kill, but one which had naturally receded the more children they had and the more his subconscious realized that no one would ever hurt him again. During Ana’s pregnancy, a lot of the time was spent with his ear pressed to Rey’s belly and her fingers in his hair, whispering to him that he was loved and cherished. He’d never been able to express his gratitude for the sweet nothings whispered in his ear, and to this day he was still comforted by the occasional dream pressed into his unconscious when a nightmare threatened to form. It was hard, knowing you owed so much to someone and having only your mangled heart to give in turn.</p><p>He’d taken up the mantle of raising their kids, doing the cooking (he’d have done it anyway, since Rey was far more adept at eating and not that good in the kitchen, though she swore it was a matter of having differing tastebuds) and programming the droids for the cleaning. He’d even planted some sturdy plants in the back of the house for Rey, so she could have the green she’d always dreamed of within reach. Rey would spend the weekends teaching Ana and Jace about the Force, reserving the nights for teaching Lily the basics of mechanics, while Ben used Sunday afternoons for teaching his children (bar Kai, who was a menace in the kitchen) how to feed themselves. Usually, every day after school, Ben would switch between teaching them languages, or calligraphy, or sword-fighting. By the time Rey came home late in the afternoon, the two would leave Ana in charge of contacting them should anything happen before setting off on a walk across the dunes, hand in hand.</p><p>“How’d the talk go?” Rey whispered, sitting up as Ben shut the door behind him and started shedding his clothes.</p><p>“She might quit the Force training,” Ben said, just as quietly, his hair falling over his face and obscuring it. “I told her it was ok.”</p><p>“Of course,” Rey said, watching as her husband switched out his day clothes for simple pants. As always, Rey wore his shirts, a fact that kept making him endlessly happy; she wore her hair down at night these days, though. “I thought she’d say that.”</p><p>Ben nodded, having also felt that decision coming for a while.</p><p>He slipped into bed, wrapping her in a hug and pressing her front tight to him.</p><p>“How are you?” He whispered, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. She smiled brilliantly at him, eyes beholding stars as she looked at him.</p><p>“I feel like I have the best family in the world,” Rey whispered back. “There’s so much love. I wish Palpatine could see us now, so he’d see what really matters.”</p><p>Ben grinned, making Rey’s heart flutter because of how big it was. His widest smiles used to be reserved solely for her, but when he started sharing them with their children, she couldn’t find it in herself to be jealous. She loved that he was happy, and it was a secret thrill whenever his widest grins would be for her.</p><p>“That asshole doesn’t matter. He never did,” Ben huffed, and before Rey could let out a laugh, he covered her mouth with his.</p><p>Kissing her was still the most peaceful he ever felt. With five children, they’d had less time for themselves, a fact which they compensated by popping in on each other during the day through the bond at least twice a week. Their kids couldn’t understand how they were still so disgustingly in love, but that was fine. It meant none of them knew true loneliness, and that was the life they’d wished for them. But for Ben and Rey, they were each other’s constant reminder that they weren’t alone. That their love was so important the Force had seen fit to make two souls which were meant to be one. It was the gift which had shaped their lives.</p><p>“Think we can do this before one of our kids barge in?” Rey mumbled against his lips, and in return, Ben ran his hands up her shirt and then lowered his pants just enough to free his hardening erection. He was getting older, and as such it was more difficult than he liked being hard on command. Still, the second his wife’s hand touched him firmly, he was good to go.</p><p>“Only one way to find out,” Ben said, checking to see if his wife was wet enough (she was). Groaning, wondering how it was possible that she still made his blood boil this way, he slowly slipped himself inside her warmth. “Fuck, you feel so good.”</p><p>Rey swallowed down a moan, clenching down on him and reaching her hand around to cup his sack; he loved it when she did that. In return, he pushed her shirt up higher and craned down to suck a nipple into his mouth; no matter what Rey said, he maintained her breasts really <em>had</em> grown.</p><p>He kept rocking himself inside her, grateful as always for the time they’d decided to buy a mattress that didn’t squeak. He nearly came when she did, but he decided he needed another position to finish. He pulled out and flipped her around quickly on her belly, then grabbed her ass cheeks and separated them so he could see himself sink back inside her. Fuck, he loved this position.</p><p>He drove into her with madness, snaking his hands up to her breasts and gripping her there as he pounded away, giving her small kisses on the back of her neck. Grunting, he let his front lay fully on Rey’s back, rolling his hips and driving his cock as deep inside her as he could, biting down on her shoulder the moment everything became too much and he spilled inside her, his spine feeling like it was getting sucked out and replaced. He rocked his hips until nothing else remained, his cock soft and burning with warmth.</p><p>Hearts pounding, Ben put his pants up again, tugged down Rey’s shirt and pulled her back to his front, sneaking his left hand down so he could hook two fingers in her cunt and plug in his cum. He might’ve been getting older, but he was also getting kinkier, Rey told him all the time.</p><p>That was fine with him; he hadn’t heard her complain.</p><p>“Mom?” A knock on the door was all the warning they’d had before a face poked in; Jace, looking ready for bed. “Do you know where my blue tunic is?”</p><p>Rey cleared her throat, practice allowing her to pretend nonchalance.</p><p>“Drying, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Oh, ok. Night mom, night dad.”</p><p>“Night Jace,” the two parents echoed back, seeing as the door shut back again with a soft click.</p><p><em>That was a close one,</em> Rey sent through the bond, amusement coloring her tone.</p><p><em>When we get out of here,</em> Ben sent back, slipping his hand out and wrapping both arms around her waist, <em>we’re taking a vacation without our children.</em></p><p>Ben and Rey Solo laughed, and the sound was startling amid the silence.</p><p><em>I love you,</em> Rey sent after their chuckles died down, and Ben planted another kiss against the crown of her head, wondering as always if he deserved this life. Realizing he didn’t care if he didn’t.</p><p>“I know."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>First of all, huge thanks to everyone for following my story so closely. I had a blast writing this, and it allowed me to do the re-write of the trilogy I didn't know I wanted. Thank you for all the sweet comments and propping me up. </p><p>I'll keep trying my hand with different AUs. Right now, I've got my story Green in the works, so if you like check that out. </p><p>I hope I gave y'all closure with our main characters. I didn't write it in, but I like to think Finn and Poe married and rode off into the sunset, and that Rose is the boss of a flock of engineers. Hux is also ded in this story though, even if I do enjoy the Hux-Rose pairing. </p><p>Until we see each other again!</p><p>Leah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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